God, You know where I’m at! I don’t need to convince You. I won’t humour You with the boring details, but at the same time I feel I must share the things that antagonise me, that I just cannot seem to get free from. Life has been a flux of change for so long now that I wonder if it will just continue to be that way, but I do hold out faith that peace and stability will come at the proper time.
Lord, can I just say — and I know that I can, so I will — please, take the edge off this pain, because I find it unbearable. How could a pain like this be so excruciating? There was a time when I had no idea, but I have too much of an idea now. Part of me wants to go back to that ignorant place where I knew nothing about pain.
You know how exhausted I am, my God, and You know how easily triggered I am right now, so I pray Your protection and help in this my highest point of need, at my lowest ebb. I pray for spiritual help, for Your presence to sweep through my life, and for practical help, so I don’t feel so guilty about burdening others with my problems. Others say they want to help, but when I’m at my rock bottom point, I find it so hard to reach out. Help me to take the risk I need to take when I most need help, Lord. Help me to trust the people I know I can trust when I least want to trust. Compel me to take that risk when everything inside me wants to hide.
People say that this will pass, and I have to believe them, even if they sound cliched, God. Help me to not think bad thoughts about people who are only trying to help, when I think they have no idea about what I’m going through. Impel me forward by the powers of Your grace, to endure these frightening moments right now.
Jesus, I know I can trust You, even though there are times when I don’t want to live, even though I cannot and will not end it. You remind me, Lord, that there is far too much at stake to do something regrettable. Help me in those moments when I feel most vulnerable to remember these things, when I have no will left in me to want to breathe any more. Come beside me and comfort me when I’m tearful, ease the pain in my heart, and give sleep and rest to my eyes at times when being awake is too painful.
Lord, I don’t have much more to pray, or any more energy, but I do have faith enough to pray this prayer, in Jesus’ name.
AMEN.
This is a model prayer for the one who is exhausted, where I’m channelling a former version of myself as well as others I’ve known and worked with.
Image from Eugene Youngman on Unsplash
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