My parents always said that there were two sources of conflict in marriage: children and money, and not necessarily in that order.
It might be a little more complex than that these days, but it does help to illustrate a more general point. Living is hard, whether we’re married, single or otherwise, because we all experience conflict — within ourselves and interpersonally.
Let’s face it, marriage is hard enough when life is normal; it’s going to be an incredible challenge to make it work, particularly when there are difficult family dynamics, work to juggle, children with special needs, etc.
The coming period of time (assuming you’re not already in lockdown) will not only hold challenges. It presents opportunities. If those in the home look upon conflict as an opportunity.
Mental health maintenance is a key. Not just is staying mentally afloat of the utmost importance, it is literally a key that unlocks the many doors that will need to be opened in negotiating this period of time. We’re already dealing with more anxiety, and depressed thoughts for many will be experienced, which heralds the existence of a grief that we’re feeling for what feels like impending disaster.
Looking after ourselves and our family members will be absolutely fundamental.
Serving will get us all the way through. There’s one way we can all get through these times. That’s through serving one another, because lockdown will be no holiday. If we choose to serve one another in the home, if we give up insisting on our own way, we stand a better chance of not simply surviving this time but thriving through it.
Sharing the tasks around the home and working as a team will be necessary.
Gratitude will be crucial. Making an agreement with ourselves to return, again and again, to humility of gratitude will be vital. Why? Because we’ll slip out of that groove more times than we’ll be able to count.
But being able to still ourselves on the wonder of the smallest blessings will be pivotal. We will need to grit our teeth at times and simply breathe as we remind ourselves to look for the shiny side in the dull. There is always a shiny side in the dull!
Safety will be paramount. Lockdown ought to be no time to feel shackled to the home, especially if there’s violence, even if it were to mean leaving requires a period in self-isolation. Of course, the presence of children amps up the complexity one-hundred-fold. There will be many families for whom getting through this will be a miracle. We need to keep them in our prayers and be ready to safely assist if we can.
Keeping short account will assist conflict responses. It will be essential to keep short account with each other about the grievances that emerge. This means trusting each other with the truth, communicating it fairly and respectfully. It also means being aware of the difference between reasonable wishes and demands, and to know when demands become unproductive. It’s not inappropriate to demand our safety, but it would be inappropriate to demand others bend to our every whim.
Creativity will be necessary. I can well imagine just how many creative ideas and trends will emerge from this time, and these trends and ideas will serve us into the future. Now is the time to explore the new, and to innovate where we dare to think outside the square.
Particularly with children and isolation-schooling them, we will need to think laterally, especially when our patience is tested.
Trust is the imperative of us all. As we bear these uncertain times, it’s not unusual for our minds to wander into dangerous thought patterns. Conspiracy theories, whilst we’re tempted to wonder if they’re true, won’t serve us. They will only inspire cynicism and fear. Trust is a great aid to maintaining good mental health, and it focuses us on where we put our trust.
NOTE: I’m taking a little break now to embed routines within my own family.
Photo by BRUNO CERVERA on Unsplash
No comments:
Post a Comment