The Impact of Stress on Relationships, Mental Health, Life

We’re usually unconscious of the impact of stress on our relationships, mental health, and our lives.

We simply do not reconcile the role of stress and how it affects our mind, body and soul.

We do not see how our thinking is compromised; how we become somewhat disabled cognitively, and no matter how much we normally bear chaos well, stress pushes us over the precipice. We feel overwhelmed, at a loss, out of control. We lose equilibrium. We panic. We stop trusting.

Think about the role of stress on relationships. Imagine if our thinking is burdened by a problem we just cannot solve; worse if it’s several. No matter how much we want to spend time with a loved one, we simply can’t be present with them. And then when the loved one seeks our opinion on something, we reveal ourselves as not being with it, because we cannot think about the matter. We don’t have the mental capacity. We cannot give ourselves to them and to the present moment.

They may instantly think we do not care,
hardly imagining the stress we bear is consuming us.

Even if they can understand, there must be resentment or sadness at the very least, that we are there in body, but we present as a shell. They think it must be about them. This annoys them or sends the message that we don’t love them. But, of course, we do.

This doesn’t just impact on them. It impacts on us as well. We, ourselves, are disappointed that we can’t be present in this important family situation, which causes our stress to compound. We feel guilty and ashamed for failing them. We are to be understood for getting angry. Even getting angry at our loved one, who we least want to be angry with, but it just happens to be they’re in the firing line, because they’re the ones we’re with.

We have a situation where both people are feeling hurt, and without the capacity to apologise, in being bravely and humbly honest, there is a recipe for entrenched conflict. All because of stress. And nothing because we didn’t love each other. Indeed, it’s because we love each other that we trusted each other with how we felt — and with stress, that’s messy!

The fact is stress impacts every single one of us. Nobody has full control over their life. In every single person there are buttons that can be pressed, no matter how composed others see that we are. We all have vulnerabilities.

Stress impacts on our mental health. It has a role in contorting our self-image, where we can come to doubt ourselves, and even come to a crisis of self. If we bear stress too long, it impacts on our mental health and sense of wellbeing. And many of us know what it’s like when we’ve been ‘too strong’ — in other words, stressed — for too long! It erodes us, like cancer to our bodies, stress seems to metastasise in our soul.

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What can we do about stress? And can we manage it so that it doesn’t disrupt our relationships, and mental health, and other facets of our lives?

Awareness is key. Even as we keep tabs on how we are going mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, understanding the role of time and priorities within the context of our needs, we will benefit. We all need time to exercise and sleep. We all need to eat correctly. And we all need time to reconnect with ourselves and with God. We all have needs, and these that are mentioned are the tip of the iceberg.

I think stress is destined to keep us busy through circumambulation. What this means is it is a constant in our lives. We keep coming around to the same place. It’s as if God is trying to teach us how to correctly deal with stress. Just like, as a peacemaker, I believe that conflict is an opportunity, so too I believe stress is an opportunity; to observe in ourselves and others, to learn from, and to grow through, as a means to ultimately mature.

What could be the vision be in harmonising the stress in our lives?

That we would have the patience and the forbearance needed when we are stressed, to just back off ourselves a little. That we would anticipate the stress would arrive sooner or later, and not be so surprised and annoyed about it. That we might also understand the role the stress in others; bearing with them in their terse responses, and through kindness, give them gentle cause to reflect on their lack of grace, without ever coercing an apology out of them.

Remember that grace is undeserved favour, and just like we would like to be forgiven when we overstep the mark, we ought also to forgive others when they may do it.

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For the stress we bear,
for any lack of care
or angst we share,
let’s receive what God gives,
knowing the person who receives lives,
because our Lord forgives.
So we ought to forgive
ourselves and others too.

Photo by Riccardo Mion on Unsplash