Every woman wants a ‘stud’ for a partner and husband, someone who not only looks the goods but ‘does the goods’ too; and in this I mean not out-and-out sex, but the gentler, more sacrificial side of being male which seeks to please the female partner without any strings attached to the deal.
Of course, this is very hard for the male. His default cycle of arousal is alien to his partner’s; his arousal starts in 10-30 seconds and he can be all over and done with in five minutes flat!--snoring into oblivion.
She, on the other hand, could be flat out keeping up, stirring like a slow and mainly dormant Mount Vesuvius, erupting light years after him.
For her to become frustrated at this situation is absolutely bleedingly obvious. And for the guy here, he doesn’t get to please his partner the way God intended him to. Not a happy outcome.
As we search for the clues as to why this might be, there becomes available a plethora of books, articles and websites to guide us… what to read and believe? This below is a start.
It’s important for both partners to be aware of, and respond effectively to, each other’s pattern of sexual response.
As both go through the excitement-plateau-orgasm-resolution phases--meeting and missing any of these stages--it’s very desirable to be acutely aware of the other’s stage and our role in helping them ‘get there.’
The book, The Gift of Sex, by Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner features the things I’ve mentioned above (see particularly pages 70-90) and contrasts several different graphs of sexual response, highlighting strategies to help.
It’s good to have a read of this together and discuss how we can mutually serve our partners within the context of Christian marriage.
Copyright © 2009, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
 Clifford & Joyce Penner, The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfilment, (Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, 2003).