This is the thing that needs to be lived to be really believed, though if you never need to go there, it’s a good idea not to.
Inevitably, however, in just about every one of our lives, we will be exposed to situations of deep disappointment and betrayal. It would not be a full life if we weren’t tempted into bitterness, and please understand me, it is no shame to fall into the practice of hating a person or situation. It’s just a lesson, and the humble attest that testing is a way of life.
There are situations and circumstances where to fall prey to bitterness is understandable.
The tragic thing for people who have suffered abuse, and have been traumatised as a result, for being abused tends to create trauma, is they will inevitably suffer additionally because of a thing called “grieving bitterness.” This is a particular kind of bitterness that occurs where there are vast injustices, and it doesn’t get any more unjust than when the perpetrator hasn’t just harmed you, but they aren’t held to account, or they have the power to get away with it, or they refuse to repent. It can leave a survivor of abuse in the unenviable position of having to reconcile that which is not able to be reconciled. Still, there is an opportunity in this for the survivor of abuse to learn such an abundant grace that would ordinarily be out of reach for the average person.
The key to staving off the bitterness that can stick is to keep just enough love in our heart for the person who has betrayed, disappointed, or damaged us. This can be achieved through an empathy for the person, which simply recognises there are reasons they behave the way they do.
Such reasons don’t EXCUSE the behaviour,
but they can help to EXPLAIN it.
Such reasons may not even be known, but to pray, “God, forgive them, because they don’t know what they’re doing, and besides, help me to forgive them, because I don’t know why they’re doing it.” There’s a miracle of grace in accepting that we don’t know why people do the wrong they do—a miracle that accepts only God knows.
Keeping a portion of love in our heart for another person who has done us wrong is also about comprehending that no matter who they are or what they do or have done they are precious in God’s sight—and, at the right time, God will deal with them, as God will also deal with us.
Keeping that portion of love in our heart for them doesn’t mean we need to trust them. There’s a boundary now.
Above all, as we recognise that the anger in bitterness is not an anger that will ever be satisfied, we may look higher for a wisdom that can connect us with a power for healing we don’t presently have.
When we consider our anger, if we are honest, we will determine that nothing good comes from it. David, the psalmist, was right when he commended us not to fret, for it only causes evil (Psalm 37:8). Indeed, Psalm 37 gives us the wisdom that overcomes the rationale to entertain bitterness.
The fact is, life will sort the evildoer out. The one who thinks they will get away with murder will find out they got away with nothing. The most beautiful thing about trusting this wisdom is the peace we get in advance, as if we are reaping what we’ve sown.
Bitterness always bites back. It is utter madness to expect to be healed from the launchpad of bitterness. While grieving bitterness may be part of our journey, we must of course transcend this season at some stage—otherwise our hopes of getting better are ever null.
It’s normal to be in the cycle of bitterness so long that we beg God in prayer for it to end.
Keeping a little bit of love in our hearts for those who wrong us is wise because it adds a protective sheath to prevent our heart from becoming calloused over. It means they don’t win after all. We do. Indeed, in a divine reversal of fortunes, as we forgive we take all the marauder’s power away from them! As we forgive, we outgrow the one who hurt us in the first place. We beat them in a game they don’t have the character to play. And because we’ve forgiven them, we feel no need to go “Nah nah-na-na nah!”
The philosophers of old were right, forgiveness is not about them at all, it’s about us.
You know, there are some people who commit heinous crimes, and we may wonder how we can love these kinds of people. The fact is, it’s not about the person who doesn’t seem to deserve any love, it’s about us and our spiritual health, and it’s about a God who requires that faith so as to work in our lives.
Forgiveness is so inherently linked to peace in this world. And we can’t receive all the peace that is destined to be ours unless we are prepared to forgive all we can.
If you don’t agree with this, that’s okay, but don’t criticise me, I don’t make the rules.
No comments:
Post a Comment