Dear Pastor, do you know the significance this Sunday coming?

There’s a gnawing sense of sorrow, a mighty disconnect between a person and their world, a genuine feeling of “I don’t belong,” when a person — females, but also males too — sits in a church service or elsewhere on Mother’s Day and everyone is celebrating.

That’s why International Bereaved Mother’s Day was founded the week prior to Mother’s Day.  It holds space for those who have not yet had a baby, for those who’ve lost a baby, for those whose goals and dreams have been crushed through cruelty of circumstance.

One in four pregnancies end in loss.  Yes, that’s right.  It’s not one in four women.  It’s one in four pregnancies.  Just as the scourge of addiction affects every family, every family bears grief for pregnancy and infant losses.  Perhaps it’s a sister, a brother, a cousin, a niece or nephew, a daughter or even a mother, or a dear friend.

So many women who sit quietly on Mother’s Day may well have very mixed feelings about what the day represents.  For just two instances, not all mothers are wonderful, and some were dearly loved but have died and are cosmically missed — these losses are resoundingly remarkable.

How can a minister best acknowledge the presence of loss that they may or may not know has taken place? — that continues to be felt.  Especially on days like Mother’s Day.

This is where each minister might pray and be led by the Spirit in sensing those in their flock who may well be hurting or refusing to hurt.  Yes, that’s right, for every mother or would-be mother who grieves the loss of shattered dreams, there are those too who had no space made for grief or chose not to grieve.

There are many ways that International Bereaved Mother’s Day might be memorialised in the church and elsewhere.  Mentioning it from the front, taking time to write and pray the prayer publicly, making gifts up, and making a ritual of remembrance are just some ideas.

We have certainly prayed this prayer, and commend prayer as a way of silently honouring loss and the grief that continues to be felt.  Space needs to be made for tears and for vulnerable expression of the emotions.

So long as the moment would not be manipulated (as great harm is done when it happens) a sensitive pastor can call people forward or invite people to respond in their seats — by giving permission for the tears to flow, to be embraced by a hug, to have people stand with the grieving as they give voice or silence to the sadness that they feel.

Church is best when there’s capacity for the sorrows that are real to the human experience.

If we make time and space for the joys, we ought also to make time and space for mourning (see Romans 12:15).  The spiritually mature will know that joys are even more abundant when we can face and feel our mourning.

So this coming Sunday, the Sunday before Mother’s Day, think and pray hard about those who bear immense sorrow or carry scars from the precious concept of motherhood.