Balthasar Gracian’s wisdom has impacted many a soul. The 17th Century Jesuit philosopher is attributed for many wisdom teachings as relevant today as the day they emerged from his mind. As I reflected over some of Gracian’s 300 maxims in his The Art of Worldly Wisdom recently, the following struck a note of déjà vu for me.
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Number 173 speaks of sensitive people. It advises us not to be overly sensitive, for the following reasons:
Number 173 speaks of sensitive people. It advises us not to be overly sensitive, for the following reasons:
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Do not be made of glass in your relations with others, still less in friendship. Some break very easily, and thereby show their want of consistency. They attribute to themselves imaginary offences and to others oppressive intentions. Their feelings are even more sensitive than the eye itself and must not be touched in jest or in earnest. Motes offend them; they need not wait for beams. Those who consort with them must treat them with the greatest delicacy, have regard to their sensitiveness, and watch their demeanor, since the slightest slight arouses their annoyance. They are mostly very egoistic, slaves of their moods, for the sake of which they cast everything aside. They are worshippers of little nothings. On the other hand, the disposition of the true lover is almost diamond-like: hard and everlasting.
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Do not be made of glass in your relations with others, still less in friendship. Some break very easily, and thereby show their want of consistency. They attribute to themselves imaginary offences and to others oppressive intentions. Their feelings are even more sensitive than the eye itself and must not be touched in jest or in earnest. Motes offend them; they need not wait for beams. Those who consort with them must treat them with the greatest delicacy, have regard to their sensitiveness, and watch their demeanor, since the slightest slight arouses their annoyance. They are mostly very egoistic, slaves of their moods, for the sake of which they cast everything aside. They are worshippers of little nothings. On the other hand, the disposition of the true lover is almost diamond-like: hard and everlasting.
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The sensitive person in this context is labeled the opposite of ‘the true lover.’ They are fragile and ‘break very easily.’ They feel so much more than what is even there at times. Annoyance and moods are their lot.
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I prefer the fellowship of others who are not so sensitive. Dr. Henry Cloud’s book 9 Things You Simply Must Do highlights one thing we should do for these sorts of people. Upset them. His ninth principle is “Upset the right people.” No matter how hard we try we’ll upset these people anyway, so why pussyfoot around. The best thing we might hope for is they will grow up a little along the way.
I prefer the fellowship of others who are not so sensitive. Dr. Henry Cloud’s book 9 Things You Simply Must Do highlights one thing we should do for these sorts of people. Upset them. His ninth principle is “Upset the right people.” No matter how hard we try we’ll upset these people anyway, so why pussyfoot around. The best thing we might hope for is they will grow up a little along the way.
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Don’t get me wrong, we don’t go out of our way to hurt sensitive people, we just should treat them normally, as we would the next person, though we’re tempted to ‘treat them with the greatest delicacy,’ just to keep the peace.
Don’t get me wrong, we don’t go out of our way to hurt sensitive people, we just should treat them normally, as we would the next person, though we’re tempted to ‘treat them with the greatest delicacy,’ just to keep the peace.
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Consider these things:
Consider these things:
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~ When they get emotional, stay calm and resolute, with an ear for what is right and just and fair for all; including for yourself -- you’re no walkover.
~ When they get emotional, stay calm and resolute, with an ear for what is right and just and fair for all; including for yourself -- you’re no walkover.
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~ Encourage them when they come across as less sensitive, or more conversely, more sensitive of others. They ought to be rewarded for mature behaviour.
~ Encourage them when they come across as less sensitive, or more conversely, more sensitive of others. They ought to be rewarded for mature behaviour.
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~ Be very careful not to make too many concessions for the sensitive person. If you do, will need to do it again -- (See Proverbs 19:19).
~ Be very careful not to make too many concessions for the sensitive person. If you do, will need to do it again -- (See Proverbs 19:19).
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Whether you have to fire a person, break up with them, tell a person they’ve outstayed their welcome, or confront someone, just do it. Plan it the best you can. Be as loving and courteous as you can. Stay unemotional. If then they’re still too sensitive to deal with your mature confrontation, then they have a character challenge before them. We can’t relieve them of that.
Whether you have to fire a person, break up with them, tell a person they’ve outstayed their welcome, or confront someone, just do it. Plan it the best you can. Be as loving and courteous as you can. Stay unemotional. If then they’re still too sensitive to deal with your mature confrontation, then they have a character challenge before them. We can’t relieve them of that.
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There’s no getting away from it; if you know someone who’s ultra sensitive expect some pain. But be pessimistically optimistic. Be surprisable when they demonstrate humility as they will respond.
There’s no getting away from it; if you know someone who’s ultra sensitive expect some pain. But be pessimistically optimistic. Be surprisable when they demonstrate humility as they will respond.
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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