Your burgeoning relationship is all a blossom and things couldn’t be better. You’re impressed with each other. He is everything you’ve wanted / so is she. Things could hardly be better.
s
Trouble is you’re probably still in the ‘honeymoon’ period of the relationship where almost everything is seen in good light. There’ll come a time when that passion will wane, and the relationship, like all relationships, will become hard work -- but not without reward.
Trouble is you’re probably still in the ‘honeymoon’ period of the relationship where almost everything is seen in good light. There’ll come a time when that passion will wane, and the relationship, like all relationships, will become hard work -- but not without reward.
s
The truth is there’ll be many times when you’ll be required to do things without reward; there’ll be no recognition of your efforts. This is a trick for all ‘young players,’ and older ones too. We want what we deserve, right? Wrong. We don’t have to be thanked and recognised for everything, and for this I’ll explain.
The truth is there’ll be many times when you’ll be required to do things without reward; there’ll be no recognition of your efforts. This is a trick for all ‘young players,’ and older ones too. We want what we deserve, right? Wrong. We don’t have to be thanked and recognised for everything, and for this I’ll explain.
s
We want this relationship to work, more than anything else. Are we prepared to put the level of work in required to achieve and sustain that goal though? What sort of work am I referring to? Here are a few suggestions:
We want this relationship to work, more than anything else. Are we prepared to put the level of work in required to achieve and sustain that goal though? What sort of work am I referring to? Here are a few suggestions:
s
1. Do things cheerfully without complaining -- remember complaints affect you adversely too.
1. Do things cheerfully without complaining -- remember complaints affect you adversely too.
s
2. Don’t do things for thanks and recognition alone -- do them for the right and purest reasons.
Try having some faith that the thanks and recognition will eventually come -- in some form. It might come in ‘return favours.’
2. Don’t do things for thanks and recognition alone -- do them for the right and purest reasons.
Try having some faith that the thanks and recognition will eventually come -- in some form. It might come in ‘return favours.’
s
3. Remember the love languages? Both you and your partner may not know or may not even be speaking each other’s love languages. Invest in the book and learn about them together.
3. Remember the love languages? Both you and your partner may not know or may not even be speaking each other’s love languages. Invest in the book and learn about them together.
s
4. Remember also the ‘love triangle.’ Passion is only one third; intimacy and commitment make up the other two thirds of the triangle, and it is commitment directly that I’m referring to here. Stay committed, unless you are really not being consistently treated very well.
4. Remember also the ‘love triangle.’ Passion is only one third; intimacy and commitment make up the other two thirds of the triangle, and it is commitment directly that I’m referring to here. Stay committed, unless you are really not being consistently treated very well.
s
5. Try and have a ‘discussion date’ on chores and other things you might disagree or potentially disagree on. Make it fun. I’d recommend “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.” This book nicknamed “SYMBIS” is a marvel for all relationships, particularly with the workbook.
5. Try and have a ‘discussion date’ on chores and other things you might disagree or potentially disagree on. Make it fun. I’d recommend “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.” This book nicknamed “SYMBIS” is a marvel for all relationships, particularly with the workbook.
s
6. Be prepared to frequently go past your 50 percent of ‘relationship effort’ at times. This could rub off on your partner, but don’t expect it to happen -- it’s only a possibility.
6. Be prepared to frequently go past your 50 percent of ‘relationship effort’ at times. This could rub off on your partner, but don’t expect it to happen -- it’s only a possibility.
s
The romantic theory of relationships is that they’re always an ‘equal 50/50 percent effort deal,’ but that’s not the reality. There are inequities in all relationships, even the best ones.
The romantic theory of relationships is that they’re always an ‘equal 50/50 percent effort deal,’ but that’s not the reality. There are inequities in all relationships, even the best ones.
s
Have some faith that the 60 percent effort you’re putting in in one area is being matched by your partner’s 60 percent in another area -- your respective 40 percent’s will show less as the other makes up the shortfall and provides forgiving grace.
Have some faith that the 60 percent effort you’re putting in in one area is being matched by your partner’s 60 percent in another area -- your respective 40 percent’s will show less as the other makes up the shortfall and provides forgiving grace.
s
SYMBIS also talks about the critical issue of the “Habit of Happiness” in relationships and how developing a positive attitude toward your partner and keeping this positive attitude is a key. Somehow this habit of happiness grows and after a while all you can see (most of the time) are the positives -- this protects the relationship against the little and not-so-little knocks and traumas that it will be subject to over time. It’s a choice for happiness.
SYMBIS also talks about the critical issue of the “Habit of Happiness” in relationships and how developing a positive attitude toward your partner and keeping this positive attitude is a key. Somehow this habit of happiness grows and after a while all you can see (most of the time) are the positives -- this protects the relationship against the little and not-so-little knocks and traumas that it will be subject to over time. It’s a choice for happiness.
s
Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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