Getting Real in Relationships

Relationships are effort, pure and simple. I was reminded of this recently when I received an article which was emailed to me. Immediately I read this truth from James Adonis I knew I wanted to comment on it. It just rang true. Admittedly it’s ‘work-related’ but what he says applies to, and provokes thought regarding, all communication. Here it is:

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“To put communication in context, let’s examine a typical relationship. A man can say “I love you” to his wife but the words alone are meaningless unless they’re accompanied by care and compassion, thoughtful surprises, hand-written cards, faith, support, romantic dinners, and many other actions which convey far more than “I love you” that he really does love her.”

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“So what are the lessons for us at work? There are five:

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~~ What you do communicates much more than what you say.

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~~ The most important skill – by far – that a manager possesses is communication.

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~~ Email isn’t communication – it's just spam.

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~~ Information isn’t communication – it's just data.

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~~ Speaking isn’t even communication – it's just making noises with your mouth.

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Listening is the most powerful method of communication we can use.”[1]

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So, there you have it. Listening is the key; two ears, one mouth. We learn nothing if we don’t listen. If we learn nothing we have nothing to teach. You might not be a ‘manager’ at a workplace, but I would suggest you do have relationships that require ‘management.’

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If you want a real relationship with someone whether that is your partner or a work colleague, as Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then be understood.”

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The problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.

-George Bernard Shaw

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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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[1] James Adonis, “Communication,” Love Your Team! Employee Engagement Newsletter, 29 April, 2008, available at: www.jamesadonis.com.