WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY will fly in the face of what most of the people on this planet believe, but is true: the only way to complete, lasting and fulfilling joy is through loving others, and focussing on them as opposed to being selfish, and getting things ‘our own way.’ This is a spiritual truism upon which millions have found transcendence—the pinnacle of human existence.
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When we seek for our own, things that rightly should not be ours, we can wreak havoc in the lives of those close to us. I watched a movie recently that illustrates the point well. “Ǽ fond kiss…” is a titled after a Robert Burns poem “Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever...”
When we seek for our own, things that rightly should not be ours, we can wreak havoc in the lives of those close to us. I watched a movie recently that illustrates the point well. “Ǽ fond kiss…” is a titled after a Robert Burns poem “Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever...”
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The plot of the movie involves a Muslim Glaswegian man (Casim) of Pakistani decent and an Irish-born music teacher (Roisin). They fall in love with each other. However, Casim is arranged to marry in 2-months and the relationship that’s drenched in passion hits rocky ground. Throughout the movie, many people’s lives, cultural traditions and family relationships are wrecked through Casim and Roisin’s unequally yoked relationship. Casim’s parents would never accept a “goree” (a white girl) and he knows it, apart from the fact that breaking the iminent marriage casts disgrace on the family name within the close Islamic family community.
The plot of the movie involves a Muslim Glaswegian man (Casim) of Pakistani decent and an Irish-born music teacher (Roisin). They fall in love with each other. However, Casim is arranged to marry in 2-months and the relationship that’s drenched in passion hits rocky ground. Throughout the movie, many people’s lives, cultural traditions and family relationships are wrecked through Casim and Roisin’s unequally yoked relationship. Casim’s parents would never accept a “goree” (a white girl) and he knows it, apart from the fact that breaking the iminent marriage casts disgrace on the family name within the close Islamic family community.
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As the story progresses and the lovers fall further into trouble; lies and deception rule them more and more, from Roisin having to duck down in the car as they drive past Casim’s cousin’s shop, to going on holiday together with no-one else’s knowledge—this is ironically when Casim first tells Roisin he’s set to be married in nine weeks.
As the story progresses and the lovers fall further into trouble; lies and deception rule them more and more, from Roisin having to duck down in the car as they drive past Casim’s cousin’s shop, to going on holiday together with no-one else’s knowledge—this is ironically when Casim first tells Roisin he’s set to be married in nine weeks.
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Meanwhile, Casim’s family-faithful father, Tariq, is busy building extensions to the family home to accommodate Casim and his wife-to-be, cousin Jasmine. He offers his son everything in the home he can afford. What also compounds the problem for the family is both of Casim’s sisters have their own issues; the younger is quite determined not to become a doctor as her parent’s desire, but to leave Glasgow and study journalism at Edinburgh. Her acceptance to university there is met with disdain, and in the light of all these issues it breaks the father completely. He sees everything he values at jeopardy.
Meanwhile, Casim’s family-faithful father, Tariq, is busy building extensions to the family home to accommodate Casim and his wife-to-be, cousin Jasmine. He offers his son everything in the home he can afford. What also compounds the problem for the family is both of Casim’s sisters have their own issues; the younger is quite determined not to become a doctor as her parent’s desire, but to leave Glasgow and study journalism at Edinburgh. Her acceptance to university there is met with disdain, and in the light of all these issues it breaks the father completely. He sees everything he values at jeopardy.
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The view of Roisin is predictable. She is almost justifiably very miffed at the prospect of being ‘dropped’ for Casim’s cousin and fights for him, further placing pressure on the massively tenuous issue—she has no grip on the gravity of the situation and can think only of herself. Casim wants what he wants and the rest is history. It’s a familial disaster zone! It’s a clash of cultures with the West crushing the East, morally.
The view of Roisin is predictable. She is almost justifiably very miffed at the prospect of being ‘dropped’ for Casim’s cousin and fights for him, further placing pressure on the massively tenuous issue—she has no grip on the gravity of the situation and can think only of herself. Casim wants what he wants and the rest is history. It’s a familial disaster zone! It’s a clash of cultures with the West crushing the East, morally.
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It made me cringe to think that one foolish encounter of love (or “lust”) made so many lives an absolute misery—this included ‘the happy couple.’ This sort of thing crushes lives today, as the generation of today (and yesterday) might take it on themselves to ‘fight for their freedom.’ What freedom? Freedom at the expense of those who love and sacrifice much for them! This sort of freedom comes at such a high and lasting cost, but those in the midst of the problem, the Casim’s and the Roisin’s, just don’t see it. The cost is high—relationships made in blood are forever changed and marred. Whole families are destroyed spiritually. The cost is lasting; once the deed is done it can never be put back right. The damage is done. It’s a real life tragedy that happens every day many times over throughout the world, and this is just the example of culture-clash.
It made me cringe to think that one foolish encounter of love (or “lust”) made so many lives an absolute misery—this included ‘the happy couple.’ This sort of thing crushes lives today, as the generation of today (and yesterday) might take it on themselves to ‘fight for their freedom.’ What freedom? Freedom at the expense of those who love and sacrifice much for them! This sort of freedom comes at such a high and lasting cost, but those in the midst of the problem, the Casim’s and the Roisin’s, just don’t see it. The cost is high—relationships made in blood are forever changed and marred. Whole families are destroyed spiritually. The cost is lasting; once the deed is done it can never be put back right. The damage is done. It’s a real life tragedy that happens every day many times over throughout the world, and this is just the example of culture-clash.
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Countless relationships of potential and those involving children are smashed every day, because of selfishness and the sin of lust. Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever... is frought with danger. One foolish moment, followed up with selfish pride to not want to deal with the pain of the problem, sees not only two lives wrecked but a whole family. This is the plain opposite to the real meaning of “joy.”
Countless relationships of potential and those involving children are smashed every day, because of selfishness and the sin of lust. Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever... is frought with danger. One foolish moment, followed up with selfish pride to not want to deal with the pain of the problem, sees not only two lives wrecked but a whole family. This is the plain opposite to the real meaning of “joy.”
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In returning to the original “plot” of this story, joy is the result of true humility, which could be described as selflessness. I love the way the apostle Paul puts it:
In returning to the original “plot” of this story, joy is the result of true humility, which could be described as selflessness. I love the way the apostle Paul puts it:
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“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests [alone] but each of you to the interests of the others.”[1]
“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests [alone] but each of you to the interests of the others.”[1]
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Whether Christian or not, the truth is the same. If you gain anything from love, make sure you give something back. The essence of joy is in the focus—not on ourselves, but a shift to others. Had Casim thought of this prior to becoming involved with Roisin, he could have had a respectful approach with her, and left it at that, knowing the potential harm that was before them both if implicated together. Joy in this light is one of being in control of one’s self and to not have to deal with the guilt of destroying familial relationships. The “true obstacle of unity is... self-centeredness,”[2] and wanting one’s own way in isolation to others’ needs. Self-centeredness in this way is therefore weak; it is without resolve. The ‘unity in community’ is a truth that nobody can get away from. Pay homage to this truth and you can achieve joy—neglect it to you and your community’s demise.
Whether Christian or not, the truth is the same. If you gain anything from love, make sure you give something back. The essence of joy is in the focus—not on ourselves, but a shift to others. Had Casim thought of this prior to becoming involved with Roisin, he could have had a respectful approach with her, and left it at that, knowing the potential harm that was before them both if implicated together. Joy in this light is one of being in control of one’s self and to not have to deal with the guilt of destroying familial relationships. The “true obstacle of unity is... self-centeredness,”[2] and wanting one’s own way in isolation to others’ needs. Self-centeredness in this way is therefore weak; it is without resolve. The ‘unity in community’ is a truth that nobody can get away from. Pay homage to this truth and you can achieve joy—neglect it to you and your community’s demise.
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The quote above effectively says, ‘if we are loved (by family) then we should love them back; being prepared to love back even a little more.’ We’re called to do something as a result of the love we’re given, which if not through Christ, then it is through the love of family and their sacrifices for us. In the light of this we have to be wary and protective of what and who we love, being prepared to make the same sorts of sacrifices for our family members as they have done for us. It’s only fair and just.
The quote above effectively says, ‘if we are loved (by family) then we should love them back; being prepared to love back even a little more.’ We’re called to do something as a result of the love we’re given, which if not through Christ, then it is through the love of family and their sacrifices for us. In the light of this we have to be wary and protective of what and who we love, being prepared to make the same sorts of sacrifices for our family members as they have done for us. It’s only fair and just.
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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.
© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.
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[1] This passage is from Paul’s letter to the Philippians, chapter 2 verses 1-4 (TNIV).
[2] M. Silva, Philippians, Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament, 2nd eds (Baker Academic, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1992, 2005), p. 87.
[1] This passage is from Paul’s letter to the Philippians, chapter 2 verses 1-4 (TNIV).
[2] M. Silva, Philippians, Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament, 2nd eds (Baker Academic, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1992, 2005), p. 87.
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