Empowering People In Safety—Making It More Than A Priority

OCCUPATIONAL SAFETY is about saving lives and ensuring quality of life—how many people suffer workplace injuries needlessly? There’s another problem in how often safety is used by employers and unions, and people in general, as a vehicle to highlight other unrelated issues of importance, particularly industrial issues.

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What’s the most important thing in safety? Is it reducing costs of injuries? No, that’s the wrong focus. Is it people conforming to a set of rules? Is it about the altruistic notion of ‘saving lives’ as previously mentioned? What’s the real purpose of safety?

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A lot of people talk about it and it seems easy, yet there is a world of work and much time to be invested in achieving the magical safety culture; it just isn’t that easy to make safety work. One of the world’s foremost experts on the psychology of safety is E. Scott Geller. He teamed up with a renowned convert to safety, burns victim Charlie Morecraft, to produce “Docker meets Doctor,” and discuss the keys of actually making safety “more than a priority.”

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Safety is about empowerment. It’s about ensuring we all take responsibility for safety, every single one of us; by fixing things as they crop up—by taking the individual responsibility and ownership for the problem. This is difficult, as it requires effort and motivation, particularly in the absence of a reward for the responsible behaviour. When we can do things without reward, we are well on the way to having resilient attitudes and ownership for safety.

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It’s about more people with a “what can I do to make a difference?” mindset. The higher number of people that say this, the higher likelihood there is of a critical mass “birthing” a safety culture change based on the actively caring model. Geller is astounded when management “only get excited about safety when someone gets hurt.” On top of this, safety is spoken too often in negative terms. This is not good psychology—people are much more attuned to shooting for success than avoiding failure. Geller says we need “success-seeking” attitudes to succeed in safety management.

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Behavioural safety has somewhat metamorphosed over the past few years from pure focus on people’s behaviour, to a slightly gentler and truer approach of “people-based” safety. It includes a combined approach of person-based safety and behaviour-based safety. It is more holistic and representative of the reality of the working dynamic, and particularly of the people within it.

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Morecraft has a different, though no less effective, approach when compared with Geller. His story shakes everyone; a person who lost basically everything to a horrific injury; job, livelihood, health, and family… the list goes on. He says “There’s no rocket science about safety—it’s all about families!” Geller follows him with a scary story of his own, the discovery of everyday cancer that shocked him into a fresh “reality.” He relates that “we are more scared of getting cancer than we are of having an occupational accident.” He said the irony of it was the social support he got from having cancer—this sort of support is almost unheard of when someone suffers a serious injury at work.

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Morecraft travels around the world preaching the safety message, talking to casualties of serious burn injuries. This gets him down because of the plain truth; the casualty is not going to be alright—there lives change forever for the worse. He is sick of being “in hell” with these people, but he knows the reality is they need him, and they need hope. The frustrating thing is how can he give them hope when in reality there is little there?

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If there’s a face to a safety problem, there is likely to be an emotional response and this helps. The reason for the emotional response to September 11 in their view was simply that there was a “face” to the tragedy. Why is it that there isn’t more outrage over the 40,000 that die on US roads each year, or the countless thousands who suicide? They feel that is simply because there’s no face to the road toll and no face to the silent person in utter torment, who simply can’t exist for a single moment longer, ending it all.

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We have to get back to the ‘people element’ if safety is going to be held higher than simply a priority that can be “re-prioritised.” Safety must become a value; as values don’t change. There is no rocket science to safety, just some basic and solid principles around using the emotions and creating efficacy (the “I can do this / it will work” attitude) within the minds of those who’re most affected—workers. Managers and senior executives are keys to this change.

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Safety is not rocket science—it’s simply about people. The real purpose of safety is empowering people to make change. They want to be safe—their lives and livelihoods and families depend on it!

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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Acknowledgement to Dr. E. Scott Geller and Charlie Morecraft and their vision for the safety of people all around the world.

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The Glass Is Half Full And You Can’t Be Disappointed

Have you ever felt that sinking feeling when surreptitiously expected the best in a situation only to actually see the worst come of it? You optimistically foresaw a better result, but it didn’t come about, and you were disappointed, in fact, shattered. Or, what about the opposite situation; you thought nothing of the possibility of a particular outcome only to be incredibly surprised and awestruck by how it turned out?

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Optimism and pessimism: Two such polar attitudes—at their extremes, both as false as the other. As Rudyard Kipling quite rightly pointed out in his poem, “If”… “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two impostors just the same,” ‘then, my son, you’ll be a man.’

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It seems that our attitude towards optimism and pessimism is crucial to the moulding of our characters. We know implicitly that to be optimistic is better, but somehow we find it hard to expect more than we ‘deserve,’ or we don’t want to get our hopes up, and have them dashed on the rocks of life. I mean, how many times has this happened in your life? In mine, plenty!

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How do we live our lives like this? Positive, negative. The glass is half full, no it is half empty. Is there a time for both? The writer of Ecclesiastes[1] would have us think so… “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…”

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Is there a time for optimism and a time for pessimism? Or is it a case of finding a better way, a way that fits most or more seasons of life—a more appropriate and balanced response to life, generally.

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For mine, I think one can’t go past being pessimistically optimistic. This is an attitude that fits most situations. Perhaps it’s an approach where neither positive or negative hold sway, but balance is available. It is circumspect, yet thankful. It can see the worst, yet hope for the best. It can’t be disappointed, but it can be pleasantly surprised. It’s thankful for ‘what is.’

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I like to think of this as being able to see the worst, actually envisioning it, and importantly accepting it before it comes, yet being able to not lose hope of something more positive coming. This takes quite a bit of courage of course as you stand open to the torrent of emotion that comes with any of this, particularly when discussing it on the major life issue scale.

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I like to think it is the hopeful ‘good place’ of real utopia; the spiritual, mental and emotional place to be. It is calmly and humbly watchful and able to enjoy things for what they are. It is neither too happy nor too sad; it is the ideal of truth in response to life—a journey often cruel.

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Will you take the challenge and stand the rich reward of boldly expecting little but hoping for much? And, can you encourage others to enter it; this serene sense of head and heart connection?

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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[1] Ecclesiastes 3:4.

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Humility: How It Brings Lasting Joy To Family

WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY will fly in the face of what most of the people on this planet believe, but is true: the only way to complete, lasting and fulfilling joy is through loving others, and focussing on them as opposed to being selfish, and getting things ‘our own way.’ This is a spiritual truism upon which millions have found transcendence—the pinnacle of human existence.

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When we seek for our own, things that rightly should not be ours, we can wreak havoc in the lives of those close to us. I watched a movie recently that illustrates the point well. “Ǽ fond kiss…” is a titled after a Robert Burns poem “Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever...”

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The plot of the movie involves a Muslim Glaswegian man (Casim) of Pakistani decent and an Irish-born music teacher (Roisin). They fall in love with each other. However, Casim is arranged to marry in 2-months and the relationship that’s drenched in passion hits rocky ground. Throughout the movie, many people’s lives, cultural traditions and family relationships are wrecked through Casim and Roisin’s unequally yoked relationship. Casim’s parents would never accept a “goree” (a white girl) and he knows it, apart from the fact that breaking the iminent marriage casts disgrace on the family name within the close Islamic family community.

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As the story progresses and the lovers fall further into trouble; lies and deception rule them more and more, from Roisin having to duck down in the car as they drive past Casim’s cousin’s shop, to going on holiday together with no-one else’s knowledge—this is ironically when Casim first tells Roisin he’s set to be married in nine weeks.

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Meanwhile, Casim’s family-faithful father, Tariq, is busy building extensions to the family home to accommodate Casim and his wife-to-be, cousin Jasmine. He offers his son everything in the home he can afford. What also compounds the problem for the family is both of Casim’s sisters have their own issues; the younger is quite determined not to become a doctor as her parent’s desire, but to leave Glasgow and study journalism at Edinburgh. Her acceptance to university there is met with disdain, and in the light of all these issues it breaks the father completely. He sees everything he values at jeopardy.

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The view of Roisin is predictable. She is almost justifiably very miffed at the prospect of being ‘dropped’ for Casim’s cousin and fights for him, further placing pressure on the massively tenuous issue—she has no grip on the gravity of the situation and can think only of herself. Casim wants what he wants and the rest is history. It’s a familial disaster zone! It’s a clash of cultures with the West crushing the East, morally.

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It made me cringe to think that one foolish encounter of love (or “lust”) made so many lives an absolute misery—this included ‘the happy couple.’ This sort of thing crushes lives today, as the generation of today (and yesterday) might take it on themselves to ‘fight for their freedom.’ What freedom? Freedom at the expense of those who love and sacrifice much for them! This sort of freedom comes at such a high and lasting cost, but those in the midst of the problem, the Casim’s and the Roisin’s, just don’t see it. The cost is high—relationships made in blood are forever changed and marred. Whole families are destroyed spiritually. The cost is lasting; once the deed is done it can never be put back right. The damage is done. It’s a real life tragedy that happens every day many times over throughout the world, and this is just the example of culture-clash.

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Countless relationships of potential and those involving children are smashed every day, because of selfishness and the sin of lust. Ae fond kiss, and then we'll sever... is frought with danger. One foolish moment, followed up with selfish pride to not want to deal with the pain of the problem, sees not only two lives wrecked but a whole family. This is the plain opposite to the real meaning of “joy.”

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In returning to the original “plot” of this story, joy is the result of true humility, which could be described as selflessness. I love the way the apostle Paul puts it:

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“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests [alone] but each of you to the interests of the others.”[1]

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Whether Christian or not, the truth is the same. If you gain anything from love, make sure you give something back. The essence of joy is in the focus—not on ourselves, but a shift to others. Had Casim thought of this prior to becoming involved with Roisin, he could have had a respectful approach with her, and left it at that, knowing the potential harm that was before them both if implicated together. Joy in this light is one of being in control of one’s self and to not have to deal with the guilt of destroying familial relationships. The “true obstacle of unity is... self-centeredness,”[2] and wanting one’s own way in isolation to others’ needs. Self-centeredness in this way is therefore weak; it is without resolve. The ‘unity in community’ is a truth that nobody can get away from. Pay homage to this truth and you can achieve joy—neglect it to you and your community’s demise.

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The quote above effectively says, ‘if we are loved (by family) then we should love them back; being prepared to love back even a little more.’ We’re called to do something as a result of the love we’re given, which if not through Christ, then it is through the love of family and their sacrifices for us. In the light of this we have to be wary and protective of what and who we love, being prepared to make the same sorts of sacrifices for our family members as they have done for us. It’s only fair and just.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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[1] This passage is from Paul’s letter to the Philippians, chapter 2 verses 1-4 (TNIV).
[2] M. Silva, Philippians, Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament, 2nd eds (Baker Academic, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1992, 2005), p. 87.

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Loose lips sink privilege

WE LIVE IN A WORLD of “all or nothing” at times, don’t we? For instance, the legal world operates this way around the subject of legal professional privilege (LPP)—the right to seek legal opinion to protect information, and the advice sought. But, there's a catch...

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Give a little away, and you give the lot away.

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The problem is LPP can be waived. This ‘privilege’ can, in other words, be given up. Waiving LPP by disclosing information (even only a little information) is quite a foolish business or personal practice, and is often only recognised in hindsight.

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To illustrate the matter, the Australian Wheat Board (AWB), in its dealings in Iraq, appears to have made important information, which could have been subject to LPP at a later date, available for subpoena by the Federal Court; all because it divulged the ‘gist’ of its findings and advice to the Commonwealth Government and the Independent Inquiry Committee of the United Nations (IIC) after commissioning its own internal inquiry into the scandal in 2003.[1]

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Contrary to the many who might think the law is an ass, it seems to me that the law is a complex system set up on the ‘rules’ of wisdom, rules that can often appear invisible until it is “too late”--without the crucial benefit of 20/20 hindsight.

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The core of the matter seems to be around comments made relating to courses of action that may or may not be taken from the legal advice that is given. Commenting that a particular course of action is taken because of advice would threaten LPP; the protection of the information. The general message is, “The less said, the better LPP is protected.” Government personnel seeking legal advice are often referred to the State Solicitor’s Office, so LPP can be protected. It is almost a case of “‘getting advice’ before getting advice.”

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In the biblical wisdom of Proverbs, King Solomon is attributed for saying words to the effect, “All who act prudently protect knowledge, but fools expose their folly.”[2]

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Further again, Proverbs 14:8a says, “The Wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways.” And at risk of overstating the point, we find written again in Proverbs 12:23,“The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves, but a fool’s heart blurts out folly.”[3]

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The central message seems to be that we can act in one of two ways[4] when it comes to knowledge. We can either act in consideration of known factors, and more importantly, in consideration of possible unknown factors, or we can simply exercise some level of blind (bad) faith, which implicitly is not qualified in knowledge[5] but may be supported in some other level of ‘truth’—for instance, one’s (often) skewed perception. This would be risky, and by definition, “foolish.” This behaviour is the direct opposite of diligence. In legal terms, we cannot afford anything else but a complete commitment to diligence.

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Giving ‘thought to one’s ways’ implies a humble honesty[6] and a healthy guarding, and respect, of the truth, or at least one’s view of the truth i.e. perception. In other words, it is acknowledging that one’s perception is often skewed, even slightly. In response, it is prudent to give thought to one’s ways—not doing so is dangerous. Accounting for a skewed perception, wise advisers are crucial i.e. advice.

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Perhaps the illustration of LPP is really about having foresight of potential consequences; of future outcomes. Isn’t foresight inherent in wisdom?

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So, what is the general message here for us? We might not all be in the position to need or require LPP in our daily affairs, however, we will often assert a particular position out of a lack of prudence, and that can have damaging consequences within a familial or business context. We must learn to respect knowledge and the power of information, guarding truth tightly and thereby protecting relationships and therefore life.

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Perhaps one further Proverb would be an appropriate place to finish:“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”[7]

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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[1] R. King, “Loose lips sink privilege” in Government Risk Management (Vol. 8, Iss. 15, August 2007) p. 8-9.

[2] See Proverbs 13:16 in the Today’s New International Version. The actual rendering in the TNIV is, “All who are prudent act with knowledge…”
[3] Both 14:8a and 12:23 are from the TNIV.

[4] Refer to P.E. Koptak, NIV Application Commentary: Proverbs (Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2003), 343, 360, 375.

[5] The distinction here is “knowledge” means something that is actually true.

[6] Koptak again, 340-43.

[7] Proverbs 22:3 TNIV.

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The skill of anticipation – the way of the diligent

ANTICIPATION is one of the most important skills to teach young people—people of any age for that matter. It is a function of diligence, and the process of “foreseeing” the direct future. It’s so vital at the task level—when assisting with / affecting a procedure. There is little worse in the performance of work than to have someone assist you and their mind is not “on the job.”

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Anticipation was one thing that I learned during my apprenticeship years as a young man that has stood me in such fantastic stead, looking back now. In truth, the journey that began those years ago eventually took me years to master, much to the chagrin of the tradespeople I trained with. They weren’t always the most patient people, and like many young people, I suffered performance anxiety, got nervous and frequently made mistakes. There were of course many times when I was too lazy to employ this technique, each time probably to my ruination. Even now, there are times when laziness again gets in the way and my complacent-at-times mind gets me into trouble, and I suppose that is human nature. I remember when I eventually did start to master it, it was such a confidence booster; suddenly I was able to be of real value in all my relationships.

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There are two types of anticipation: planned and response. Both are critical to any performance. For example, professional sportspeople think strategically and tactically in their plan to succeed before a match. They analyse their opponent as well as their own game, and come up with a plan to achieve victory. But at some point, during the performance, all that planning is only so good as long as there is the ability to adapt the plan to actual situation, thereby responding to changes to conditions, mood and temperament etc. This is the demonstration of operational thinking, or the ability to ‘captain’ the ship and modify plans “in the moment.”

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The effective execution of any event or procedure requires sufficient planning and monitoring. There’s no substitute for getting the right people together and having a discussion, or series of discussions, and coming to sound decisions, where milestones are decided and roles are reinforced. This is good planning anticipation. It’s about asking “what could go wrong here?” and coming up with answers to reduce the risks that have been thought of and foreseen.

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Regarding response, focus and concentration in the moment are essential in anticipation; the person has to be on-the-job mentally, and daydreaming is not tolerable. If attention drifts even for a second or two, the outcome is potentially compromised. In the team context, you can also fail to anticipate if you’re too focussed on what “I’m” doing, a result of being too insular.

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Anticipation is crucial in event management. Actually foreseeing things before or as they occur is such a good risk management skill, as there are less delays and it adds hugely to the professionalism. It’s such a refreshing thing as an onlooker or spectator to appreciate good anticipation when you see it.

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An activity in anticipation:
Planned Anticipation
- Who needs to be involved in the planning? Who are the key decision-makers?
- What is the purpose and goal of the event or procedure?
- What could go wrong?

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Response Anticipation
- Identify the need for pre-start and re-start meetings, marshalling focus.
- If it is individual response that is required, develop techniques for mastering focus and concentration.
- For the team situation, don’t be too focussed on your own performance; leave some of your focus on the overall team performance.

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There’s quite a bit of spirituality involved in anticipation. A “planning” mindset comes from hope—when we view things positively, and there’s hope of a good result, we can begin to anticipate them; we enjoy anticipating things as we endeavour to maximise and capitalise on our capability, and perfect our performance, doing the best we can. It’s that winning feeling.

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Above all, anticipation is a sign of diligence and the mastery of discipline over self, both in the moment and on reflection of the planning that’s gone into the performance.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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We Must Transcend The Things That Hold Us

These words of Rubin “Hurricane” Carter’s, in the motion picture of the true story, “The Hurricane” (1999) are etched in golden truth for anyone who’s had a real life battle of the titans and won. It’s like the summation of the movie in one short statement; how a fighter who had dealt with massive injustice all his life had to deal with it big time, to break a tortuous 20-year incarceration—the fight for his freedom against a system of inherent and rampant corruption.

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The part of “The Hurricane” when Carter (played brilliantly by Denzel Washington) says “We must transcend the things that hold us,” is particularly poignant. Facing incredible odds to fight the system, whilst simultaneously maintaining his sanity, Carter was faced with making such a resolve—it was crucial for his survival. It required a commitment to himself; a commitment to flip his world upside down in order to stay in the game. He begun to work and study at night, and sleep during the day—anything really, to remain sane and strong. There’s a key lesson here. It’s one of protection. It is about protecting the relatively clean spirit that exists within each one of us, guarding it against corruption. Carter identified it. He identified it and then put a plan into place and executed it. That takes courage and discipline, or put together, faith and diligence.

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So what holds people? And, how do people transcend these things? The key learning and inspiration here is this: there are many things, people and situations (things + people) that will make their most ardent attempt to ‘hold us’ in this life. It’s a hard fact of life. This is because many people and things want control over us. This is not love-based.

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To make this clear, a ‘hold’ is anything or any relationship that doesn’t or can’t stand up to truth; and anything that corrupts or potentially corrupts. This includes anything downright sinful, relationships that will never be a blessing, or anything that has a negative hold and doesn’t have a good reason for a person to continue with—taking into account the many things that might appear to ‘hold us,’ but in fact are actually good for us—these are not subject to this discussion. For instance, the job we must hold, or the critical mentoring relationship that is ‘difficult,’ but beneficial. We must contend with these things and endure them, until it is the right time to leave, and “move on.”

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Anything that you know implicitly is truth, will not seek to hold you. Eugene Peterson wrote of the 1 Corinthians 13 in The Message paraphrase, Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. The only exception to this is when ‘the hold’ gives you life, for instance, when someone is trying to escape a hold, perhaps an addiction. At these times, in these situations, it is critical to stick with it because the hold is actually because of love; often known as “tough love.” It is at these times and places in life when people need to be humble and accept what is good for them and their future. So, this wisdom is not about ‘healthy holds,’ which could better be referred to as ‘bonds.’
This wisdom is a call to address co-dependent style relationships[1] whether they be personal (in the form of habits, addictions etc), with another person (classical co-dependence), or organisational (for instance, within a workplace, club, or religious setting including sects, church fellowship, mosque etc).

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A hold is like a veneer finish. One of our challenges is not only to see through the hold, but also to be able to break through this veneer, because holds are truly just that, veneer. Truth stands, but falsity crumbles once the veneer is broken through. One of the most important roles in life is to be able to recognise falsity and deal with it courageously by breaking through its veneer. Veneer is facade, appearance, the surface of the matter only. Truth is a foil for all sorts of lies in life; we must see through, and past the veneer, to gain ‘life.’ It’s about learning to dig deeper into such a matter so as to reveal the truth. The truth stands challenges and tests.

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Again, these matters (the things that hold us) are from things or people or situations (things + people). Once it has been recognised the thing/people/situation has a negative hold on us, there has to be a plan to break free. To do this properly at times requires guidance from those that actually love us and we can truly trust.

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We must break the cycle of dependency and this can be likened to an insect breaking the surface tension of water; a mosquito lands on it—it doesn’t have the weight or ability to break through the surface of the water; weight is needed to get through it. To break through the veneer of a co-dependent relationship requires strength and power; not physical strength and power, but mental, emotional, and spiritual strength and power. There must be a persistence to break the hold in unhealthy relationships.

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This can take months and in some cases years, and requires eternal vigilance.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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[1] A "co-dependent" can be loosely defined as someone who shows too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "co-dependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "co-dependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship. Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependence

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Achieving a Fulfilling life: Three Essentials

ONE OF MY FAVORITE AUTHORS, Os Guinness, says in his book Time for Truth[1]

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“To have a fulfilling life, three essentials are required: a clear sense of personal identity, a deep sense of faith and meaning, and a strong sense of purpose and mission.”[2]
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If there’s one thing we all want it is a fulfilling life. Let’s take a journey and discover what this means.

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Guinness uses the story of Primo Levi,[3] an Auschwitz survivor, to illustrate the importance of all three aspects of this hypothesis toward a fulfilling life. Levi was driven to preach the lessons of the Nazi regime so it would never happen again, giving millions a sense of purpose out of the tragedy, and ensuring the human cost and legacy would never be forgotten. Yet the appearance of inner strength was transitory for Levi, who eventually had the same tragic end to his life as countless numbers of colleagues—he suicided.

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He had journaled only weeks prior to his death that he had no answer to the riddles of life. A life that offered so much hope and purpose to so many crippled from the crimes of World War II was suddenly thwarted, absolutely. Even though he suicided, his memory, and what he stood for, should endure.

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Notwithstanding this, Guinness uses Levi’s story to highlight the critical weakness in his modus operandi. He simply “lacked any sense of faith and meaning with which to interpret and handle his harrowing experience.”[4] (Italics added for emphasis.) Without a solid schema to base his life on, his “strength” became untenable.

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It highlights that whilst one might have two of the three qualities all sewn up, if the one missing is a real weakness, it will inevitably stand in opposition to the achievement of a fulfilling life. And this is how it is for people without some sense of firm spirituality, and good faith (for there are plenty of “bad” faiths out there). Bad faith could be described as a theorem lacking the fundamental plausibility of truth. This is how it was for Levi. A “dark combination of Auschwitz and atheism” eventually confounded him.[5] He had no way of comprehending the more unbelievable and horrific experiences of life he’d witnessed in terms he could understand, and therefore live with. A sense of faith could have given him that.

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Many recognise the need to live for truth, but some of the smartest ironically fall for a lie; feeling they have to create the truth and not simply discover it. Guinness calls us to consider Nietzsche, Camus, Sinatra, and ultimately, Levi[6]—all of whom, whilst brilliant men, could not accept basic spiritual truth. Without truth there is no strength.

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Yet, there’s the other two to consider: personal identity, and purpose and meaning. Imagine having a deep sense of faith and meaning, and still have only a vague sense of self or an insufficient sense of purpose in life. We need to focus on all three if we truly desire happiness, contentment, and fulfilment.

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Establishing and being comfortable with our personal identity is a process that requires courage and honesty. There is no other way. Likewise, finding a sense of purpose and meaning requires much soul-searching. In this day and age it can be more a case of needing to focus on one thing and one thing only, as we can be caught up in a multitude of foci. We should continue searching until we feel positively and sustainably gripped in the mission that captures our imagination. There’s at least one for every person.

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I am suggesting the importance of self-reflection and the commitment to take on the following activity.

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The Activity:
Clear sense of personal identity
- What are your values?
- What defines “you”?
- Do you know your personality type? What are your preferences and competencies?
- How well do you know yourself? What are your fears?

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Deep sense of faith and meaning
- What/Who do you believe in?
- Is it truth? Can it stand up to scholarly examination?
- What is it that provides your ‘hope’?

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Strong sense of purpose and mission
- What drives and motivates you?
- What is your purpose in life?
- What would you give your life for?
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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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[1] Guinness, Os. (2000) Time for Truth: Living free in a world of lies, hype & spin (Baker Book House Company, Grand Rapids, Michigan) 128 pages. This book is packed full of truth and swipes on postmodernism. Another brilliant offering from Guinness is “The Call,” Finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life (2003) by Word Publishing Group, Nashville, Tennessee.
[2] Guinness, Ibid., p. 71.
[3] More general information is freely available, for instance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primo_Levi
[4] Guinness, Ibid., p. 72.
[5] Guinness, Ibid., p. 72.
[6] Guinness, Ibid., p. 74.

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Relationships’ Most Powerful Secret: Guaranteed Success

Without doubt the most valuable and practical thing I’ve learnt about the psychology of relationships and making them work came about 12 months ago when I was introduced to Transactional Analysis. I am suggesting that if you study this and acquire the skill you cannot fail to improve your most emotive relationships.

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Now, imagine you are in a situation of conflict with someone you love, or conversely, with someone you can’t stand. It’s an emotive situation; both of you are at fever-pitch. Who’s giving in? No one does in this sort of situation. And that’s the problem. You generally never get anywhere in an emotionally-charged atmosphere. At least one person loses and sometimes both parties lose out.

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That’s the point of Transactional Analysis. It is simply understanding the basics of “adult” behaviour as compared with “child” behaviour—be clear on this though; the terms “adult” and “child” have absolutely nothing to do with a person’s age. It’s about maturity. Have you ever noticed a 14-year-old who seems more grounded and mature than a 60-year-old? It happens.

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The main principle is this: when you choose to communicate only via the “adult” mode of communicating, no matter how the other person communicates, you force maturity into the dialogue, albeit with utter respect for the other party. Typically, an emotive conversation sees both parties “parent” the other’s “child-side”—the wounded child in each of us. Done this way, both offend each other because nobody appreciates being “parented,” particularly grown adults. It becomes a vicious cycle with both taking turns parenting, only to be offended by the other because they’re treated like children.

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The “adult” mode of communicating and acting, on the other hand, is represented by behaviour that is realistic, responsible, rational, reasonable, and logical. This means that you won’t get it all your own way, but you will be able to keep a discussion on track and be able to negotiate a win-win outcome in most if not all situations. When the other party sees you behaving this way, with respect, they cannot help but reciprocate because all defences are down. Both parties should then be able to achieve what is important to them, as far as possible, and still find a position of compromise for the other.

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I advise youth to do this with their parents, particularly when parents get emotive and want to assert their authority in authoritarian (not authoritative) ways. They should go with it, and try to be realistic, responsible, rational, reasonable, and logical. They will actually influence their parents through basic respect, de-powering the emotive mood. Of course, this is the way that parents should deal with their youth-aged children too, especially as teens seem to command respect, even when (by virtue of their behaviour) it is not really deserved. For both parties it is wise to behave this way, not only for the relationship, but also for one’s own inner-peace and sanity. There’s simply no need for all the stress.

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The truth is this: No adult behaves as an adult all the time—all adults behave like children sometimes. And although it’s difficult for teens to behave as adults it’s not impossible. Respect goes a long way, and my experience suggests that consistent respectful parenting works wonders.

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It’s the same with work relationships. If you feel that your blood begins to boil or your heart thumps with adrenalin when a particular person approaches you, take courage and try to be realistic, responsible, rational, reasonable, and logical, no matter how they interact with you. Be consistent and don’t give up. Over days, weeks and months of this non-reactive behaviour, you will eventually see a change in the way this person interacts with you. You might be being bullied or harassed but you can wrest some control and power back purely in being more “adult.” It is a very empowering piece of information and a great skill to develop.

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It takes courage to attempt it, rejecting your feelings in lieu of staying in control of your emotions and guarding your ability to think effectively, and it also takes persistence to master. To really master it takes years, but you have no time to waste in getting started.

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Following is standard advice I would give a teenager who is trying to implement this better way of relating with parents:

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- It is best to be treated as an Adult. This makes us feel happiest and respected.
- Try to treat others as Adults—respect others as much as possible.
- You cannot behave like a Child and expect a Parent / peer / teacher to treat you as an Adult.
- To behave more like an Adult your words and tone must be without emotion—if you feel emotions rising try and delay saying or doing anything.
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On Mistakes and Forgiveness…
- If you make a mistake and lose control, it is not the end of the world. Try and have the courage to say sorry, and at the right time, ask for forgiveness. Also, forgive yourself.
- If someone else makes a mistake with you, try and have a forgiving attitude towards them—try not to get emotional in response.
- Wherever this says “try” remember nobody is perfect. We all have bad days. We are after progress, not perfection. Grace covers the rest. Don’t give up.
- Continue to think positively.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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Haste – the destructiveness, hassle and problem of hurry

“Though I am always in haste, I am never in a hurry, because I never undertake more work than I can go through with calmness of Spirit.”
-John Wesley

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WHEN DRIVING IN TRAFFIC recently I was again amazed by the gall of some motorcyclists... queue jumpers! There seems to be a mentality amongst many people who ride motorbikes that there exists a 'third lane' on the dual-lane carriageway. That they can zip up through the slowing traffic, to claim first place, is astounding. If someone did this while queuing at a bank, at a coffee shop or at the shops they'd be rudely mistaken, and roundly abused!

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The particular day I had this experience, I noticed something unusual--a motorcyclist obediently following a car, staying in the one lane, and being a model motorcyclist. I was taken by his behaviour to such an extent I was tempted to wind my driver's window down and applaud him.

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Sometimes we're disappointed in life... No sooner had I had seen this, I was confronted with four motorbikes (one after the other) zipping past me in the left-hand lane and driving in a manner that was not simply rude but downright haphazard—as if their homes were on fire.

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The long and the short of it was the “model” motorcyclist must have seen this behaviour and figured he was wasting his time being so obedient and considerate of other road users. Only a few kilometres down the road he commenced the same erratic and inconsiderate behaviour, albeit more conservatively.

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I have often wondered what happens at a deeper level with this sort of person—the average ‘queue-jumping’ motorcyclist. Does he become a person who seeks to be first at all times, in other areas of his life? Do they eventually become more selfish people than those who drive cars? What is their attitude towards obeying the law, generally? Do they flout it in other ways like they seem to on the road? Whatever the long-term psychological effect, it can't be a positive one, can it?

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I call on all motorcyclists to obey the road rules and prove they are not recalcitrant’s, one-by-one. I wonder if I will see in my lifetime a reform in the way motorbikes are ridden on the road; where they seek to courteously give way and ride responsibly. I want to respect every human being, but it is a huge challenge to respect those who appear to utterly disregard others. It is my prayer that something will happen that will cause reform, however. Perhaps car motorists who see respectful motorcyclists could give them some sort of kudos; perhaps give them the thumbs-up as they record their number plate and report them for some sort of award! Perhaps the State could get on-board with this?

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I know this was a tolerance test for me, and I’m thankful for it. It reminds me to breath-in and thank God that I’m not in such a hurry; that life is a little less frenzied for me. It reminds me to hasten slowly as the quote featured above suggests, and continue on my patient way, and to pray that these motorcyclists make it to their destinations safely—it might be a family member or a friend that is involved with them in a traffic accident. Needless to say (though I will say it) it causes regrettable suffering for any family who suffers the loss or injury of one or more of their own.

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When it comes to a road death, the rest is history.

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Rarely do we get ahead in life in hurrying ahead. As I’ve illustrated above, we can gain so much more with just a little patience. Queue-jumpers never really get ahead in life. And apart from everything else it displays a flagrant lack of respect for others. It’s not worth the ‘negative’ strain. In haste (often as a consequence of fear) we’ve all done silly things to get in front and then had to deal with the guilt that comes afterwards. In this way it contributes to a loss of inner-peace. It’s ironically such a waste of time in the overall analysis of things!

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Alcoholics Anonymous have a saying “Just for Today,” as part of their one day at a time philosophy. They encourage newcomers with the terrible addiction, and a long journey of recovery ahead, to say: “I will save myself from two pests; hurry and indecision.” These “pests” have the power to rock anyone’s mind, shaking the resilience to continue the fight.

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It’s about appreciating the truth that says, “Don’t fret, it only leads to evil.” (Psalm 37:8) When we worry and fret, and that emotion has control of us, we can only be a destructive influence over those around us; think about it.

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Haste is a lack of care and diligence; a lack of foresight and planning, which usually comes from plain laziness. The most extreme form of this, of which haste is but one indicator, is biblical “sluggardness.” This could be defined as “unbounded craving,” or a total lack of control of one’s desires; zeal that is motivated from the wrong source.

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Planning is key. Our approach to life should be considered, deliberate, intentional. Then peace can be ours, as we live in harmony and shalom with others and our Creator.

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Next time you’re tempted to rush and do something impulsive, take the extra few seconds because in reality that’s all you’ll lose. You stand to lose a lot more than that in your hurrying.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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Risk in Teenagers: Why do they take work, driving and life risks? Explanations here.

TO KEEP Generation Y’ers, employers must keep them safe and healthy at work as well as provide for work/life balance, and fun. This is a snapshot statement of how the present young generation think, generally. This has emanated from Gen Y’s negative observations of how their baby boomer and Gen X parents suffered with job insecurity, dismissal, stress and high job dissatisfaction.

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Adolescence is arguably the toughest time of life. Getting used to becoming adult is usually a painful transition. Have you ever wondered why teens think and act the way they do? Why they have such a propensity for risk-taking, for instance. Some of the latest research is finding there are tangible, scientific reasons for this. There are answers coming to some of these questions through the field of psychology with focus on brain development through this part of the lifespan.

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This article seeks to uncover and de-mystify the issues of brain development of adolescents, so adult members of society (and parents) can at least understand and cater for these issues, providing young people the dignity and respect due them, and making the transition into adulthood as pain-free as possible. What follows this short article are a series of summarised points from research-backed psychological science as at 2006. (Source: Glendon, pp. 137-150, with full reference details at end.)

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Remarks and Findings

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Adolescents are usually better suited to late night shift work than mature adults, but are not so well suited to hazardous occupations where risk avoidance is essential as they can try to “reason” through the risk and can inadvertently be “bitten” by the hazard, in the process. The “higher road” of thinking is not well developed in adolescents so why do we expect them to reason, and analyse details well? They simply do not perceive and handle risks well. Careful, mature and sensitive supervision is critical.

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Teens are often frustrated when required to make decisions based on odds or risk, and tend to do “things” anyway. Adolescents require quality, close supervision and mentoring for specialised tasks. If this is not forthcoming, they will have accidents and injuries.

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Hormonal changes account for most of the brain development problems and must be managed, even into the mid- to late-twenties. Gender differences are marked—girls are between 4-6 years ahead of boys until the late 20s. This fact presents a myriad of relational problems between the sexes.

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Novelty seeking, sensation seeking and risk-taking behaviours in teens can all be explained by the way the brain develops—it is not just about personal choice.

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As far as driving is concerned, it is important to discourage young drivers from driving with more than one or two peers in the car at a time. With every extra adolescent passenger the risk of a crash is increased. Young male drivers’ risks for crashing whilst taking sweeping bends are higher than all other age and gender groups. Parents are critical role models for their teenagers in regard to driving behaviour—particularly the same-gender parent. If a father behaves inappropriately on the road, the teen son is likely to repeat it. It is the same for mothers and daughters.

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In the working context, we mustn’t give adolescents more than one thing do at a time; for most, complex work routines and procedures are a set-up for failure. More mature workers tend to set the tone for workplace culture and adolescents often simply conform to that culture. No matter how good the safety systems are, if the culture allows for adolescents to take risks, they will take them.

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It is easy to discount young people as being “careless and carefree,” the truth is they can’t do much about how they’re “wired,” and the development curve they’re on. The fact that they can’t employ effective thinking and decision-making regarding risk as well as adults needs to be sensitively addressed, because most teens are characteristically independent; they want to be treated as adults. As adults we should do as much as we reasonably can to keep them safe during the intermediary years, whilst respecting them in ways that shows value for their ever-increasing capacity to relate as an adult.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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Actual referenced data summarised:

When young people are already engaging in one risk-taking behaviour, other risk-taking behaviours are more likely to follow.

There are three levels of brain development. 1) the corpus striatum or “reptilian brain,” which is responsible for routine and instinct (movement); it develops earliest. 2) The limbic brain is the “seat of emotions” (feeling) and develops next. 3) Neocortex or cortex—which accounts for 80 percent of brain volume—is the last to mature and is involved in (thought) reasoning and complex “higher road” thinking. For this reason, McLean (1949) proposed three brain development “streams”—movement, feeling, and thought.[1]

The cortex is the “executive filter” assisting the lower centres, and is used in discerning response.

“Limbic system circuits are relatively fixed and can powerfully affect our (thoughts) cognitions.” (Glendon, 2006, p. 139).

The longer (but preferred) route of cognition is via the “higher road” or cortex. It’s involved in more detailed, factual analysis of things, events and situations.

The cerebellum (responsible for posture and movement) is the oldest part of the brain and continues to grow well into the late adolescence.[2]

Young male drivers (17-19 years) have significantly more risk of crashing when negotiating a bend than male drivers of 30-39 years of age, and females of the same age.

The hippocampus has connections with both limbic structures and neocortex has a vital “role in integrating emotion with cognition”—feeling and thought. (Glendon, 2006, p. 139).

Melatonin peaks later in the day for adolescents as compared with children and adults could explain why they prefer to go to bed later and wake later. This means teens and young adults probably cope better with shift work generally than do mature adults.

Because the right ventral striatum is less active in adolescence, teenagers are more driven to risky behaviour because reward-seeking is suppressed, and not the motivator it could be i.e. the reward for staying safe.

Teenagers are more frustrated by a decision-making gambling task (“probability matching”) than children and adults because the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex is not fully matured until the mid-20s.

Young people might be able to “see” as well as adults but they cannot perceive risks as well because they’ve yet to develop the higher level (cortex) cognitive interpretive functions.

Young people appear to engage in “extended reasoning” in risky situations which is paradoxically not good because it’s a time when instincts should come into play. Adults are “more likely to create a mental image of possible [injurious] outcomes.” (Glendon, 2006, p. 141). Furthermore, the extended reasoning produces a longer response time, when a visceral response (gut reaction) would suffice.

The brain changes anatomically in a marked way between the ages of 18 and 25, explaining in part why insurance companies have “under 25 clauses.”

Gender differences in brain development are marked. “Girls’ brains develop faster than boys… the typical brain of a 17-year-old boy resembles that of an 11-year-old girl.” (Glendon, 2006, p. 142). Using another measure: brain myelination, there is a 3-4 year gender difference in favour of females. Using this measure, men’s’ brain development does not “catch up” to women’s until the age of 29.

Whilst there have been a number of cross-sectional studies done, there have been very few longitudinal studies[3] and there is a need for this to be addressed.

Full brain maturity for both genders is said to be mid- to late-twenties; in the meantime, the “brain is being driven by hormonal changes” and behavioural safety issues due to this need to be managed. (Glendon, 2006, p. 142).

“Brain systems controlling arousal, emotional experiences and social information processing become much more active at puberty.” This explains why we see “increases in novelty seeking, sensation seeking and risk-taking behaviours” in teenagers. (Glendon, 2006, p. 143-44).

Road crash data suggests that the risk of a crash increases with “each additional member of their peer group as a passenger.” (Glendon, 2006, p. 144). This means that parents should try and set a limit on their teens driving with only one or two peers in the car. Perhaps four or five teens in one car is asking for trouble?

Peer pressure is still a significant issue for people until around age 25 due to frontal lobe immaturity.

Multi-tasking functions are not perfected until young adulthood. Young drivers are even more susceptible to accidents when using mobile phones, CD players etc while driving than adults are. Adolescents should be given only one task at a time until it is shown they can cope with more.

“Preventing exposure to a hazard” is likely to be the best way to protect young people, workers and drivers. (Glendon, 2006, p. 144). In other words, close attention should be paid to protecting, and providing for, the safety of young people in hazardous environments like roads. Supervision controls are appropriate and preferred.

Parents are critical role models for their teenagers in regard to driving behaviour—particularly the same-gender parent. If a father behaves inappropriately on the road, the teen son is likely to repeat it.

In the working context, more mature workers set the tone for workplace culture and adolescents often simply conform to that culture. No matter how good the safety systems are, if the culture allows for adolescents to take risks, they will take them.

Key Reference:
Glendon, I., Brain development during adolescence: some implications for risk-taking and injury liability, in Journal of Occupational Health and Safety: Australia and New Zealand, 2006, 22(2): 137-150.

Footnotes:
[1] Jones, Joseph M. (1995) Affects as Process: an Inquiry into the Centrality of Affect in the Psychological Life (Contributor Joseph D. Lichtenberg, 268 pages, The Analytic Press, Hillsdale, New Jersey and London) pp. 62-63.
[2] Goodburn, Elizabeth A., and Ross, David A. (1995). "A Picture of Health: A Review and Annotated Bibliography of the Health of Young People in Developing Countries." Published by the World Health Organization and UNICEF. The World Health Organization quantifies “adolescence” as from ages 10-19 years.
[3] Longitudinal studies typically involve following a cohort group for 20-30 years, and are obviously rarer in research circles as compared with cross-sectional studies as it is hard to keep track of the same group of individuals for that length of time.

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The miracle of Light and helping the struggling person to find their way back to it

It always amazes me in the nicest way to see someone come through a trough and again come back to be the positive person they once were. It’s as if the light that once shone brightly within, has returned as they are no longer confounded by fear, and are free to be happy, and most importantly, they’re free to be themselves.

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To illustrate, there’s a guy I know, Andy, who seemingly went through one of these dark periods a year back. Catching up with him in the elevator at work one day he was all of a sudden a different person; antagonistic, negative about the company, and worse, negative about our people—it was uncharacteristic for him to be this way. I couldn’t understand it. Later on weeks later, I was in a meeting where the normal Andy attended but was not present. He snarled about a couple of things and you could feel the tension—there was an elephant in the room! I asked a couple of people who knew Andy well, what was wrong, and I discovered that he’d lost a parent. He was grieving. That explained everything.

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Andy’s world had been tipped upside down, and emotions that never seemed to be an issue before rose to the surface at random, and took him unsuspectingly. What was I to do? Well, in this situation I did nothing apart from give him lots of what I call “grace space,” which is just being gentle and kind and not someone who would cause him even more grief. The majority of people I saw interact with Andy also treated him this way.

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It also got me thinking about these times in my past. There was a time or two in my past where I was gripped with grief and swamped by depressed feelings; my demeanour was gaunt and I was not much fun to be around. The people I appreciated most didn’t say much. They just listened. I find it ironic that I’m not really a natural listener in this regard; I’d prefer to talk and encourage. It’s a reminder that at times, words often don’t cut it.

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These days, Andy’s a different man—he’s not only got his own zest back, but he’s full of another level of enthusiasm that is simply infectious with others. He’s a workplace leader, very knowledgeable and one of the most courteous guys you would ever meet. He has such a high value of respect. It is great to see the miracle of Light work itself out in this guy.

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When people are hard to get along with, it is difficult to understand or be able to help, but we can...

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We need to encourage it and not set the person back by drawing attention to the way they behaved during the dark time; if we did do this we should expect them only to be “dark” with us—the person who remembers them that way. If we see the person slipping back into dark attitudes we need to be able to give them time and space (“grace space”) and tacit encouragement that the world is not that bad, in ways that ooze respect and build trust.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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The Blessing of Time: Reclaiming time and control over your life

Time. Do you ever feel rushed and forever “on the go?” We all get the same 24-hour day. We all get the same number of days in one year. Time is the great equaliser of life; no matter your life situation, everyone is equal in this regard. Yet for a growing many people there simply “aren’t enough hours in the day.” There are a multitude of responsibilities, pressures, and demands. And if that weren’t enough there are so many activities to get involved in; stimulation here, there and everywhere. No wonder there is such a thing as “spiritual attention deficit disorder” nowadays, with so many forced and unforced distractions. Time it seems is ‘enemy.’ Why are we so time-hungry? Why is it we feel so stretched?

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In Western culture this type of time-pressure appears to have crept in over the years; particularly with the advent of 24/7 life. We want what we want now if not yesterday. There are obvious advantages; you don’t usually have to wait, for one.

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Yet, the culture which seeks things “now” sucks us in, doesn’t it? Who these days isn’t drawn into the urgency of life? This creates a busyness that is prepared to pile important thing on top of important thing—a ‘can do’ attitude prevails for all things. It has to, to survive. Is it busyness to the point of madness? Do we suddenly do these things because we are no longer comfortable in our own skins? Is it escapism? For some perhaps, though many would argue the opposite. We’d love to have the time to get in touch with our inner self; we just don’t have it: time.

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Today’s society embraces the principles of diligence that much we seem to be almost ‘overly-diligent,’ at least partially. Of course, diligence in an accurate manner of speaking is careful to construct life so that order, responsibility and discipline are frontrunners. So perhaps it is a skewed version of diligence... diligence with questionable motives and outcomes.

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When a person looks at their schedule and they can’t find time for basic necessities like exercise and sleep there’s a real problem. “Where does all my time go?” might be the heart cry, as a sense of helplessness pervades the victim of time-hunger.

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I can recall times in my life when I survived on 4-5 hours sleep a night and would forego exercise and even time to eat properly because I was always on the go and had so much on. When I look back to those times, no matter how important my life roles were, I was always miserable deep down, because there was no self-time—no time to recharge the batteries.

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Notwithstanding the present discussion, let’s flip it over and head toward a solution that holds weight. Consider the following:

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When we’re pressed for time we have purpose, but purpose without focus—that’s the real problem. We have too much purpose, if there were such a thing. The word “clutter” fits as the antithesis of “focus.” We should feel privileged to have purpose in our lives, but we begin to resent it when we’re expected to focus on too many things—in truth, many of these expectations come from within ourselves and our inability to simply say no; It’s not always about saying no to others, we have to have the discipline at times to say no to self as well. This is even saying no to things we might enjoy, things that will bring clutter to our lives, not focus. Again, there’s so much stimulation and noise in life, we require discernment to protect ourselves.

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The good thing about purpose is that it is based in hope—for you see a reason for existence, and hope is based in the governing value of trust. Another way of saying this is: having purpose increases your reliance on the virtue of trust.

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Clarity in life roles is critical for anyone with a busy life. It’s simply a matter of focussing on important life roles and goals; these come from your values. The process of developing and achieving focus, effectively de-cluttering your life, goes in this order:

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1) Sort your values out; what determines your attitudes and what you stand for? I have seven, but you could have more or less; so long as they are personal to you. Values can be trust, respect, honesty, kindness, discernment, generosity and so on. Values steer your approach in life; they help form you. You should focus on them each day and visualise them in action.

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2) Clarify your life roles and don’t do things that don’t fit in here—this is key. I wouldn’t recommend you have any more than seven life roles, and no more than three of these should be major time-hungry life roles. For balance, self and family life roles are closer to the top in importance. Your secular roles should be closer to the bottom.

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3) Get specific and set goals for each life role. This supercharges your focus and helps you stay motivated and in-tune with performing well in each key life role.

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Don’t get frustrated about your lack of time. Be intentional about your life and manage it as you would a good business; with enough planning to get the important things right, letting the rest go. It’s great to have purpose, but it is focus and removal of clutter that brings the contentment and peace of knowing you’re doing the right things.

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Time is finite. We need to appreciate it and use it and learn from it. A lifetime might appear to be a long time; the truth is, it isn’t.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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Wisdom’s Fabric: Knowledge and a Good Heart

[Also written under the title: Get your Dream Job, Have your Dream Life: Get both things of Wisdom’s Fabric; Knowledge and a Good Heart]
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IF THERE’S ONE THING everyone wants it must be that “dream job”—one where you have power and influence, lots of cash, and it affords you a lifestyle ninety-nine percent of people would be envious of. Let’s dream a little more—everyone likes to dream, right? Like winning a lottery; what would you do with your winnings… one million dollars, for instance? You might be able to buy a few items like that home, or boat or car, but you’d probably still have to work.

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The best jobs have some things in common. You’re treated very respectfully, you have a fine office, flexible hours, access to the best facilities and perks, and you’re also more than likely able to afford a nice home, car and so on. The “dream job” actually delivers the “dream life.”

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It’s great to dream. Everyone who’s ever really achieved anything has dreamed, envisioning what they wish to do and what they wish to acquire. There’s no shortage of people throughout history who’ve dreamed and then somehow ‘known’ the path that leads to the fulfilment of the dream.

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When it comes to vocation, I tend to believe we have to “do” something in this life—most people would agree. We can’t just get filthy rich and sail our luxury yachts around all day, every day. We have to work. And work is good. Ancient writer of biblical philosophy Qoheleth resolved that the secret to life was to enjoy work, and then simply rest. So it is for us that we should strive to achieve the balance of work, rest and play.

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Knowing that work is good for us is fine, but that doesn’t get us the dream job or dream life now does it? I think the secret in getting the dream job lies in two complementary things, both of which lead a person toward wisdom. (Bear in mind, the ancient’s told us that wisdom is the more valuable than fine gold and silver.)

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These two complementary attributes are: 1) to have knowledge, and 2) to have a good heart. To further illustrate this point, here is the following quote:

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“Look around and one finds plenty of knowledgeable people. Look in other places and one finds plenty of goodhearted people. But we look hard to find people both goodhearted and knowledgeable—or, put a better way, people who have learned how to integrate their hard-won knowledge with their grace-imparted goodness.” –Terry C. Muck.[1]

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There are literally millions of people who’ve worked hard, earned university or college diplomas, degrees and doctorates, yet don’t know how to live. There’s a fatal flaw in the make-up of the personality, or there is ambition driven by greed, or there’s a lack of appreciation for things to be thankful for. Many very knowledgeable people are like this; it is so unfortunate, because they are truly in the position to have a great life, yet they will never know how, without seeking wisdom qualities and spirituality and the like. We’ve all heard the quote, “money’s no good to you when you’re dead.” Yet many people with knowledge just don’t get it. In the wisdom of Proverbs they are “fools,” and Proverbs 17:16 says, “Of what use is money in the hand of a fool, since he has no desire to get wisdom?” People who lack this sense in life literally lack “heart.”

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This leads us to the other quality for the dream job, and life: A good heart. People with a good heart have learnt the vital life message that character development is the key to life success and happiness, as it goes a long way toward peace-filled relationships with everyone.

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People with a “good heart” are kind, generous, forgiving. They can come back from a hurt, and don’t hurt others on purpose. They’re of good courage and faith. They uphold respect, both for others and themselves. They understand the need to work hard, and to provide for those dependent on them. They know how to live at peace, not just with others, but also with themselves. James says they’re “pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”[2] Some people might not think much of being “submissive” but truth be known it is the way to having a good heart. Somehow it works for the person who’s submissive in the way of wisdom.

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Can you imagine the power you’d have if you’ve got a good education AND a good character. The world’s your oyster. Many things may be yours with good knowledge and a good heart in your possession. Additionally, you will finally make what is truly the very best choice regarding the work you wish to do. You will love your life because it will be full of hope, you’ll have things and good people to love, and you’ll be loved. Couldn’t think of anything better!

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Where are your gaps… knowledge or heart? Chances are you could improve both.

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.

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[1] T.C. Muck, “General Editor’s Preface” in The NIV Application Commentary: Proverbs, by P.E. Koptak (Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2003), p. 11.
[2] James 3:17 (TNIV)

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Turn the other cheek – What gives?

Have you ever been confused by this saying of Jesus’? It means literally that if someone has struck us on our left cheek, we should instinctively (meaning heart response) offer the other cheek to them to hit if they wish, not in an attitude of spitefulness, but in love. This seems crazy doesn’t it? Why wouldn’t you defend yourself?

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The world’s way is definitely not looking the other way. When I had moved out of my parent’s home and into shared accommodation as a 21 year old, I moved into a house with two other young men my age, both of them “friends.” I mean that because one of these guys I had a fair amount of respect for, the other I was dubious about, but we always spent a lot of time together. I soon discovered that my distrust of this guy was well-founded—he was a biblical “sluggard,” always turning from his responsibility to provide his share, or do his chores, and worse, he caused fights. Turning the other cheek was never going to work in this situation.

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Yet, turning the other cheek, issuing grace to the other person, which is “undeserved favour,” was legendary writer, Leo Tolstoy’s life edict. Here was a man who struggled all his life to find the meaning of it. He is genuinely one who ‘went to hell and back’ to find it.[1] Being engaged in fundamental pacifism on the back of Christ’s words made him ironically a Christian anarchist—because the Church was supportive of the State, and the State went to war, Tolstoy conflicted with the Church to the point of his own excommunication from it. It seemed Tolstoy lived “turning the other cheek” to the best of his ability. On the back of Schopenhauer’s[2] influence he lived out the rest of his life, by choice, in abject poverty. He always felt strongly that the message of the Sermon on the Mount could be lived literally—an understanding that perhaps led to quite a tortuous life in the end.

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Outspoken people always have critics and Tolstoy was no exception. In the mid-1940’s Eric Arthur Blair, a.k.a., George Orwell wrote of Tolstoy’s philosophy, “If you turn the other cheek, you will get a harder blow on it than you got on the first one. This does not always happen, but it is to be expected, and you ought not to complain if it does happen.”[3] Orwell suggested in his essay, Lear, Tolstoy and the Fool, that Tolstoy’s philosophy was flawed in that “the distinction that really matters is not between violence and non-violence, but between having and not having the appetite for power,”[4] intimating that pacifists, like Tolstoy, could very easily be power mongers. Whilst I suppose this could be true, I find it hard to follow the rationale of “why.” A further quote of Orwell’s probably demonstrates his penchant for proving the power of righteousness, as seen in whom Orwell considered “saints,” is not so righteous:

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“Creeds like pacifism and anarchism, which seem on the surface to imply a complete renunciation of power, rather encourage this habit of mind. For if you have embraced a creed which appears to be free from the ordinary dirtiness of politics — a creed from which you yourself cannot expect to draw any material advantage — surely that proves that you are in the right? And the more you are in the right, the more natural that everyone else should be bullied into thinking likewise.”[5]

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The point of this, when it comes to turning the other cheek, is where do you draw the line? Tolstoy may have been guilty, ironically, of not applying pacifism when conflicting with the church. Anarchism is, of itself, a fight—against the “powers.” Perhaps what Jesus urges his disciples to do is engage in pacifism for self (don’t defend yourself) but be the advocate for the weaker member—in Tolstoy’s situation, for the downtrodden and defenceless victims of war, of whom there are many. In this context it can be shown that Tolstoy was actually carrying out the will of God, as many of his time also did, standing against the powers—viz anarchism—of darkness.

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Theologian Helmut Thielicke sees that at a worldly level it is impossible to find the logic to turn the other cheek. He says, if you share accommodation, and the other person doesn’t do their dishes and leaves you the messy job, you are compelled to treat them the same way, and leave your dishes for them, right? This is so they can appreciate for themselves what that treatment feels like... however, on a higher ‘heavenly’ level it is possible to turn the other cheek as we recognise the spiritual truth that everyone is deserving of grace—Christ died for the ungodly. This is a brazen respect that goes with every person you meet and relate with; it’s seeing them through the eyes of God.

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Moreover, Thielicke says no one is beyond the Sonship of God, and that it is the “gift of grace that gives me new eyes, so that with these new eyes I can see something divine in others.”[6] And, “we [are to] help by putting ourselves under the mercy of God and [allow that to] radiate to others in order that this unhappy world may be disinfected.”[7]

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It’s about seeing the neediness in others who might offend and intimidate you. It’s about seeing their fear and putting back love through mercy, based in the grace of God.

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It helps to open the offender up to the freedom of, “why did he/she just treat me so kindly when I did a despicable thing to him/her?” It is in a sense a miraculous response to a miraculous action. It recognises that what is involved in anyone turning to God, repenting no less, is a “transvaluation of values.”[8] That indeed has happened for anyone who genuinely turns the other cheek, in love, without fear.

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It is the miracle of grace alone that enables the authenticity of the process to occur. Turning the other cheek is simply a better way. It’s a better way because whether the person who strikes us or offends us back or not is insignificant. In fact, it’s in appreciation of Orwell’s quote that we must expect people to strike back, but in ourselves remain resolute in our (or God’s) stance of love and grace.

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You see, we must see the child of God in them; the child that has been bought by love, and given the gift of life, should they choose it or not. Seeing this miracle of turning the other cheek in action is the very vision of Jesus himself, with a look that might say, “You cannot make me love you any less, no matter what you do.”

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Do you think it is possible?

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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.
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[1] M. Eaton, The way that leads to life, The radical challenge to the church of the Sermon on the Mount, (Christian Focus Pulications, Geanies House, Great Britain, 1999), p. 95.
[2] Tolstoy’s life was forever changed after reading the following: But this very necessity of involuntary suffering (by poor people) for eternal salvation is also expressed by that utterance of the Savior (Matthew 19:24): "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." Therefore those who were greatly in earnest about their eternal salvation, chose voluntary poverty when fate had denied this to them and they had been born in wealth. Thus Buddha Sakyamuni was born a prince, but voluntarily took to the mendicant's staff; and Francis of Assisi, the founder of the mendicant orders who, as a youngster at a ball, where the daughters of all the notabilities were sitting together, was asked: "Now Francis, will you not soon make your choice from these beauties?" and who replied: "I have made a far more beautiful choice!" "Whom?" "La poverta (poverty)": whereupon he abandoned every thing shortly afterwards and wandered through the land as a mendicant.
– Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena, Vol. II, §170
[3] G. Orwell, "Lear, Tolstoy and the Fool," Polemic No.7, Great Britain, London (March 1947). Available: http://orwell.ru/library/essays/lear/english/e_ltf
[4] Orwell, Op cit.
[5] Orwell, Op cit.
[6] H. Thielicke, Life can begin again: Sermons on the Sermon on the Mount, translated by J.W. Doberstein (Fortress Press, Philadelphia), p. 74-5.
[7] H. Thielicke, Ibid., p. 74-5.
[8] H. Thielicke, Op cit., p. 77.

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