Guilt and shame have their momentary purpose when we’re in the wrong, but besides that, these are troublesome emotions that paradoxically ought never be judged but ordinarily are—hence the problem.
Our relationship with guilt and shame is usually very problematic. In knowing how inappropriate they are, we shun them, but in inappropriate ways—shaming ourselves for signs of our guilt and shame, when instead, compassion ought to be extended.
This is a tricky exercise, especially when we’re not in touch with our self-talk.
Shame and guilt, the inner critic, judgmental thinking, projection, dissociation, addiction—all these and more are signs of the presence of pain that’s being masked.
You can’t shame away your pain. This means we cannot deal with our pain by shaming ourselves, just as nobody will ever be a help to you if they’re shaming you.
The way we deal with pain is via touching it with compassion—being observational and curious with yourself with no hint of consternation.
We all carry the baggage of past pain in our experience. We carry it with us.
Whenever we experience guilt or shame, we hide our pain. It’s just good to know. Put another way, you do nothing to heal your pain by shaming yourself. Others also are no help to you if they shame you.
You can’t shame away your pain. Only compassion deals with the kind of pain shame promotes.
If you want to heal the pain you carry, which you can see underlies your shame and guilt, and you don’t want to do counselling, catch yourself judging yourself and others.
Judging it a sure-fire clue to shame, and where shame flourishes, pain is denied.
When it comes to yourself and other people, judging less reveals more healing in the heart, i.e., less pain.
Catch yourself judging yourself or others, and without judging yourself because you’re judging, simply notice it with a smile. It’s learning. And when we notice the presence of guilt or shame or projection or dissociation etc, before you start to judge yourself, extend to yourself the hand of simply being without thought as much as possible, and as much as possible simple observation—without casting aspersions.
Try this out and see if you experience more peace and more freedom as a result.
You can’t shame away your pain, so try and identify when you do it—not if, because we’re all doing it. Only compassion deals with the kind of pain shame promotes.
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