Living Peacefully in an Age where Perception is King

Photo by Love Your Neighbour on Unsplash

How do we live in peace in a world where disagreement, indifference and ambivalence rule? How are we to reconcile living in peace with those whose perceptions differ sharply from our own? How is it that we even come to a day where these questions shape so much of our thinking?

It matters so much, it seems, to be able to influence others, to have our own say and to have others fall into line with our thinking. If I do it, and the next person does it, and we both disagree, futility reigns. It is a veritable insanity.

What happened to the kind of thinking that accepted
another person’s perception and let them be?

If I have a strong view about something, and I do have some strong views, and I make these views public, in this day and age, I can expect to be shouted down. I can expect to be abused. And the irony is the person who shouts me down has equally strong views that obviously differ.

There are some things that each of us will sharply disagree about
when it comes to every other person, with no exceptions.

The closer we are to someone,
the more threatened we become when they disagree…
unless there is already a covenant of respect agreed between us.

We could be best of friends, marriage partners, parents or children, and there are subjects and nuances that can fracture the relationship if we’re not careful.

I understand that there is such a thing as absolute truth. But the trouble with ‘absolute truth’ is its nuances can still be interpreted through the filters of our perception.

It is not a new idea that we each have our perceptions that differ markedly from even those we closely align with. Our perception is King. And if we are not aware of it, it remains a sovereign unchallenged.

We are responsible for stewarding our perceptions.

Only we can control our perceptions.
We have no control over another person’s perceptions.

And yet we take it upon ourselves to endeavour to change a person’s view. We take umbrage with what they say and we ‘school’ them in (our) right-thinking, never thinking in the doing of this that we are hypocrites. Who made us lords of truth?

Now it may be a different thing if we are working with someone pastorally, or counselling them, and leading them or guiding them in overcoming an issue. There is a role in helping. They have empowered us to help. We have both their trust and their permission. But even as we shepherd someone or counsel them, we do so gently, prompting them to ask questions that only they can answer, and in so doing, we get out of the Holy Spirit’s way. We equip them to change themselves.

Only as a person sees the need to change,
do they change and change their way of thinking into the bargain.

A person must be convinced in their own mind and heart.

What on earth am I thinking, and what right do I have, when I seek to change another person’s view? Especially in Western culture, we must expect poor results if that is our method. What about the sanctity of the person in our midst? What about the validity of their view? They have their wealth of experience that informs how they live.

If we cannot be bothered endeavouring to understand
how another person thinks, we have
no right of influence in their life.

People care little about what we think until they think that we care. Can we sit with someone and listen to them, and even as we disagree, still endeavour to try and understand why they think the way they do? Without thinking at the same time, ‘I need to change this person’s viewpoint.’

We need to come to the realisation that relationship trumps the issues we argue about. Never more have we believed as humanity that every human being deserves that sanctity.

We have far less influence in life than we would like to have. The quicker we accept this the better our lives go.

Yes, perception is King. It always has been. We just have a media these days that enables us to argue our nuances with complete strangers in a way that carts hurt everywhere.

The way forward is to respect
the perceptions that we cannot change,
have the courage to challenge and
change the ones we can (ours),
and have the wisdom to value the difference
between their good and our poor perceptions.

More fundamentally…

Respect the people you cannot change,
(everyone other than you)
challenge the person you can (you),
and be wise to understand and accept the difference.

Another way of doing it…

What is it to love someone?
Respect them for who they are,
for how they think and feel,
and take relating with them from there.

***

How do people feel safe to us?
They value us for who we are.

How are people to feel safe with us?
They will feel we value them without condition.