We Never Saw His Eyes Open

A FACT and a reality of experience. We never saw our son’s eyes open.

They were neither ever open, so we could see them, nor did they ever open to this life.

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One week prior to the anniversary of our second son’s stillbirth we’re gratefully reflective for his life, having done our grieving. We know we will go to him one day. That’s satisfying; a hope beyond needing answers now.

Having never seen his eyes open there’s now the mystery captive in our hearts for what we may still experience: meeting him face to face as God had originally designed him, far from the wrinkles of his (and our) humanity.

We didn’t peer into the windows of his soul, but it doesn’t mean he didn’t have a soul. We’ve just had to delay the meeting of our souls.

Grace has given us the fortitude to plan for a happy day to come — Nathanael’s heaven day — and our heaven day, when we, too, will finally meet Jesus and find our son.

We never saw his eyes open, yet we did get to hold him at rest; his body at timeless peace and his tiny heart in eternal repose.

And though his eyes never opened to us, we did feel his weight, we did hold his hands in ours, we did get to wash him and dress him and cuddle him. We’re so thankful.

The prayers of the faithful — of many in Lakeside church, as well as the church of the globe — held us and our boy and our family aloft before God. We believe in intercession; that power of the faithful to do what only the faithful would do. We were carried by prayer.

His eyes would not open and we prepared ourselves for that eventuality. The day of Nathanael’s stillbirth was not a blur. It was a real day experienced truly in the flourishing splendour of a crushing reality. We’re so glad we experienced it together. It was our day, a precious day, a special day, notwithstanding its horror.

Through Nathanael, though his eyes never opened to us, God gave us a piece of eternity — a nostalgic foretaste — that we shall cherish ever more.

God alone knows our destinies. God alone is to be trusted. He is good. He will not fail in glorifying his holy and majestic name. We’re so blown away by creation, the stars, the universe; these will be as nothing compared to the heavenly realm.

We can wait.

© 2015 Steve Wickham.