“How the
mighty have fallen.”
~2 Samuel 1:19b, 25a, 27a (NRSV)
The early refrain of 2 Samuel is
the sorrowful lament of the Lord’s
anointed—David. Having reconciled the moments of destruction in Saul’s and
Jonathan’s lives, David is bereft of anything but the bitterest grief. But his
attitude toward it is a lesson to everyone in dealing with the worst of
personal circumstances.
Even in his anguish, he commands Judah to learn,
memorise, and recite this history.
In our age we much more readily
deny the reality of our pain; we never enjoy meeting it full on. We can be sure
that neither did David. But David had the wisdom to know that a full
reconciliation of healing is dependent upon a full reconciliation of the situation’s
pain.
1. Delving Into, Not Denying, the Pain
There is a simple reason why David
wrote most of the laments in the biblical Psalms. He believed in delving into
the pain, by fully exploring it in the words of prayer to God. The character of
these prayers is complaint. From fatigue to bitterness to outrage, and a
million forms of emotion between, David wept before his Lord.
He was as real as he possibly
could be. He could deny nothing of his pain. And neither should we.
David, therefore, had a way of laying
siege to his spiritual dirge. What was attacking him—his excruciations—were
turned on their head. He attacked his pain by staring it in the eyes before
God.
2. Holding the Tension In Between Times
One of the greatest difficulties
with grief is the length of time it takes to fully recover.
There is this awkward in-between
time we must endure where the sharpness of pain has been dealt with, but the
vision for hope of a better future, for deliverance no less, is still far off.
In some ways this can be worse
than the biting pain of initial grief, for at least back then we had a firm
feeling for God. The Lord’s
presence was nearby. Now we enter a dry time. And although our relationship
with God is good it doesn’t feel quite as close as it used to.
This is a pain all itself. There
is a certain spiritual numbness about it. And we are reminded, again and again,
of the need to be patient. The new life is coming. Our biggest test is
maintaining our resolve to the end—to become recovered, fully.
We need to remember David spent lengthy
times in the cave and on the run.
3. Making Way for the New
For the new to arrive there must
be room for it. The only way a new reality can take place is if the old has
been dealt with. We cannot get rid of the old until we have grieved it adequately.
As David recovered from his grief
there is little sign of jubilation, but plenty of evidence for moving on,
whilst remembering the sacrifices made by all parties. Such humility makes
David stand out as a biblical hero on how to grieve.
***
Even the strongest of us fall. And
at our mightiest we are never safe from grief. But within the tragedy is an
irony; our grief is the gateway to new life.
Whilst the pain in grief is frightening
at the time, embracing it is the avenue to new life. When we meet all the pain
in our grief with courage our experience of life is deepened and our character
is matured. Blessed are those who take the long-term perspective.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
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