I’m probably no different to most people in that I find--in my basest form--I can be whipped up in a frenzy of anger quite suddenly given the right (or wrong!) prompting. And once I’m there then it’s a matter of getting some perspective quickly before any damage is done.
But it’s not like I have a particularly pathological problem with anger.
We each have different propensities and angles on anger; it affects us in different ways. The one commonality is we’re all prone to it at some point or other.
Eugene Peterson says in The Message, “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry--but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” –Ephesians 4:26-27.
There’s an insidiousness to anger that is difficult to fathom. It’s a sinkhole. If we feed it or if we allow it go unchecked we can easily find ourselves ‘flown’ into a full blown rage as it takes up residence in us; that’s what it’s like to have the Devil take a foothold (and stranglehold) in our lives--it doesn’t take long.
This full blown rage doesn’t even need to be manifest in overt behaviour; now we get to the crunch… anger can simmer for years. This version of ‘full blown rage’ can lay dormant for a long time. It becomes expressed eventually.
But anger is actually good. This is what Paul talks about. The first couple of parts of these two verses are quite positive—warning us, yes--but still positive.
So we see anger has a place, and it would be a pity if it didn’t, because we’re stuck with it. Anger has a place but it is our responsibility to learn ways of controlling our anger, in ways that is meaningful to us individually, so we don’t hurt people, most of all ourselves.
(We see that mal-engaged, ill-intentioned anger can cause such regret and such self-condemnation that we are often most personally vulnerable to the effects of our own anger.)
These are some ways that people ‘successfully’ control their anger:
~~ Count to ten, slowly.
~~ Go for a walk and re-focus the mind on other things temporarily.
~~ Scream into a pillow.
Many people have used these techniques, and many swear by them. And they might help, temporarily.
But temporary things don’t last and they don’t work reliably. What is it about effective anger management, from the biblical viewpoint, that works? How does it work? We’ve covered the positives--let’s now swing to the negatives.
The four “don’ts” that Paul has put forward through the above paraphrase have practical meaning for us all if we dare to listen:
Don’t be vengeful, ever!
Let God have the vengeance if it’s of his will. We should try to adopt the Ghandiism of bearing no ill will toward anyone--that was part of his daily resolution upon waking.
Vengeance is never productive, but how habitual is it? If we think we’re not affected, how do we react on the roads when someone cuts us off? That instinctive feeling of ‘how dare you!’ is the birth of vengeance.
Cool down!
We can never achieve anything if we stay angry. Anger merely increases our level of frustration and bitterness. There’s the sinkhole again.
The most important thing to do with anger is manage it, deal with it, and cope adequately (rather than pathetically) in the midst of it.
Make up before going to sleep!
This is so especially relevant to couples. Not letting the sun go down on our anger by being humble enough to know when to make up and cut our losses is basic wisdom.
Yet, wisdom is not the same as common sense (which isn’t very common anyway). Godly wisdom generally runs counter to common sense.
Even when we stand to lose some, we ought to make up prior to retiring for the night.
Don’t give the enemy any chance to ruin your joy!
It’s the road to discontent and a loss of control over ourselves; it’s simply a tragedy to see anyone be duped by the Devil in this way, and we know this personally. Everyone can relate.
Anger takes residence in us without even as much as an invitation. It’s about as welcome as cancer. The unfortunate fact is the longer it has to take root and establish itself, the shorter our perspective is on the reality of the moment.
We lose then any opportunity to actually use the anger for positive purposes. We become disempowered. Once the energy of anger mutates down the sinkhole we’re bound for a tragic end.
Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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