Epitome

Saturday, May 9, 2009

A Fit, Thriving Conscience: the “Gymnasium for the Soul”

“One day at lunchtime Florence and I lied to our respective families as to where we were lunching and hid at the school... when we were sure the teachers were all eating, Florence (the minister’s daughter) and I (the daughter of two very ‘state-of-humanity’-conscious parents) rushed out and at the top of our lungs and in vulgar tones screamed: ‘Old Lady Lynes! Old Lady Lynes!’----It brought shame to the school, shame to our parents and must really have puzzled Miss Lynes. Mother forced me to carry a potted geranium from Hawthorn Street to school and present it to Miss Lynes--an admission of my guilt and an indication of my sorrow. Miss Lynes put it on her desk. It was there humiliating me for weeks. And there are so many geraniums in California--reminding me to remember: if you sin you pay”
–Katharine Hepburn.[1]

A fit conscience is an eternal guide and protector, enduringly placing us at length from harm’s way, making for a bouncy, ordered--and essentially free--soul.

When I worked at a Christian high school running programs for both children and their parents, it was common for parents--particularly non-practicing-Christian parents--to state the reason for sending their children to a Christian school as that of wanting Christian values for their children.

They identified with the self-evident fact that “every conscience needs instruction.”[2]

Sanders continues,

“As a watch must be set and regulated by standard time, so conscience must be set and regulated by God’s infallible standard as revealed in His Word.”[3]

So, we must set the bar and then train the conscience to that standard. If the standard is too low, vice will almost certainly be part, more or less, of the consequent life. The Biblical standard is the right standard because it is the standard of love and growth.

The Four Activities of the Conscience[4]

Interestingly, the conscience works consistently in four ways; two negative and two positive. Firstly, when we’re considering doing something wrong (to our own established moral standard) our conscience will warn us. Secondly, once we actually commit the wrong act it will accuse us, which is self-judgment toward self-condemnation. This part of conscience is a “group of social prohibitions, similar to a penal code or legal statutes.”[5] It’s our personal compendium of ‘law.’

But, also positively, our consciences can reinforce the moral good, prompting us to do right. Fourthly, when we actually do the right thing, like give up our seat on public transport for an older person or someone of less capacity, our consciences confirm to us we’ve done the right thing--rewarding us with an internal pat on the back to the release of endorphin-like (feel-good) chemicals in the brain.

This positive part of our conscience is what Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) called the ‘ego-ideal’--“the list of things we should do to feel proud of ourselves.”[6] Freud labelled the whole sub-theory of conscience (negative and positive) the ‘Superego,’ the “overseer or moral censor for the psyche.”[7]

Condemning and Commending Consciences

Importantly, a conscience can be ‘condemned’ by virtue of continued vice. Watching a recent suspense movie, called Match Point (2005), one of the protagonists murdered two people (one of whom was his pregnant mistress!) and even though his conscience struggled initially with the knowledge of the ghastly crimes, it ultimately adjusted to his situation. He became cold to his crimes.

The conscience can hence eventually become ‘seared,’ or ‘cauterised’ if purity is not restored quickly (see also 1 Timothy 4:1-2).[8] Hence, also, the spirit and role of repentance is key in keeping our consciences fit.

In this way our consciences are continually being maintained and trained. Our consciences are thus only as healthy as they are in the present moment; constant vigilance is required. We must endeavour to not only keep our consciences fit daily but grow our “moral warehouse” such that when we search (subconsciously) for the right moral standard for given situations, good direction will come.[9]

Furthermore, a ‘commending conscience’ is the apex of human endeavour and is something for all humanity to aspire to. It’s the setting of a high standard of virtuous conscience; a state where nothing short of that standard is accepted.[10]

William Blake said, “If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”[11] And I think the same can be said for the conscience.

In finishing, Sanders states it rather eloquently:

“With the removal of the dead weight of past sin [via adequate response of conscience], the soul soars, like a released lark with a song, into its native element.”[12]

ENDNOTES:
[1] Source: Robert J. Sternberg, In Search of the Human Mind – 2nd Ed. (Orlando, Florida: Harcourt Brace College Publishers, 1998), p. 443.
[2] J. Oswald Sanders, Problems of Christian Discipleship (London, England: China Inland Mission/Lutherworth Press, 1958), p. 47.
[3] Sanders, Ibid, p. 47.
[4] Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo, Let the Children Come Along the Virtuous Way: Growing Kids God’s Way (Happy Valley, South Australia: Growing Families Australia, 2002), p. 90-91. This is a masterly course on moral development for the average person.
[5] Karen Huffman, Mark & Judith Vernoy, Psychology in Action – 5th Ed. (New York, New York: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 2000), p. 478.
[6] Huffman et al, Ibid, p. 478.
[7] Huffman et al, Ibid, p. 478. The Superego is, of course, only part of Freud’s Psychoanalytic Theory relating to the conscious, preconscious and subconscious minds.
[8] Sanders, Op. cit., p. 49-50.
[9] Ezzo, Op. cit., p. 89-92.
[10] Sanders, Op. cit., p. 50.
[11] Cited from David Deane-Spread, Master the Power of Your Attitudes: The Workbook to Choose Your Best Attitudes, Values, Purpose and Goals (e-book) (www.daviddeane-spread.com, 2004), p. 9.
[12] Sanders, Op. cit., p. 51-52.

Peer Pressure and Its Affects on Driving Behaviour at Different Ages

Observation is such a fun activity and we can do it anytime. I find fleeting gazes through my rear vision mirror, when driving, quite a revealing pastime. On one particular occasion recently, a woman of mature years, probably age 40 or so, had been following me for several kilometres and I’d noticed her remarkably safe driving behaviour; she retained a safe following distance to my vehicle and stuck rigidly to the posted speed limit, even when going through a reduced speed zone for road works.

Then I noticed she had a female passenger in the car with her and she seemed to be in a passively-active conversation with this lady as she drove. I wondered if perhaps the peer pressure of another mature adult in the car was influencing her driving behaviour positively.

In my earlier research, I learned that peer pressure can have a marked negative effect on the driving behaviour of young male drivers:

“Road crash data suggests that the risk of a crash increases with ‘each additional member of their peer group as a passenger.’[1] This means that parents should try and set a limit on their teens driving with only one or two peers in the car. Perhaps four or five teens in one car is asking for trouble?”[2]

Also,

“As far as driving is concerned, it is important to discourage young drivers from driving with more than one or two peers in the car at a time. With every extra adolescent passenger the risk of a crash is increased. Young male drivers’ risks for crashing whilst taking sweeping bends are higher than all other age and gender groups. Parents are critical role models for their teenagers in regard to driving behaviour-particularly the same-gender parent. If a father behaves inappropriately on the road, the teen son is likely to repeat it. It is the same for mothers and daughters.”[3]

My conclusions in considering both examples are that peer pressure of passengers in cars does play quite a marked role in the moral performance of motor vehicle drivers, but to opposite extremes. These results reinforce what is perceived to be the strong desire of each group (mature and young): to find acceptance amongst, and achieve the respect of, their peer group.

Perhaps this also reinforces the value of car-pooling for the mature-driver demographic in delivering safer outcomes on the roads for all.

ENDNOTES:
[1] Ian Glendon, “Brain development during adolescence: some implications for risk-taking and injury liability,” in Journal of Occupational Health and Safety: Australia and New Zealand, 2006, 22(2): p. 144.
[2] Steve Wickham, Risk In Teenagers - Why Do They Take Work, Driving And Life Risks? Explanations Here. (January 23, 2008). Retrieved May 7, 2009, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Risk-In-Teenagers---Why-Do-They-Take-Work,-Driving-And-Life-Risks?--Explanations-Here&id=944972
[3] Wickham, Ibid.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Giving Up What We Can’t Keep, To Gain What We Can’t Lose

Martyr Jim Elliot (1927-1956), missionary to the Auca people in Ecuador, often expressed this classic piece of wisdom: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” I recall a wise older pastor[1] giving it to me five years ago and I always wondered the source. Now I have found it!

The entire quote he gave me went like this... “God’s Word will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from God’s Word. He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

There are a myriad of things that we can never possess in life; one of these, and the most significant one, is having ultimate control over our life. Yet, we seem to struggle for years, and for many, through the whole lifespan--not acknowledging this fact--enduring torment. In a way it’s senseless, and altogether meaningless--certainly when looking back from the end-of-life view.

Jesus said, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it” –Mark 8.35 (TNIV).

We are apt at skipping over the fundamentals thinking we’ve got them covered. The interesting thing about this verse above is that it’s every bit as hard and all-encompassing to achieve as it is to achieve anything Jesus preached during the Sermon on the Mount.

In fact, it sort of sums it all up--as a foundational unit in the base program of the Christ-follower’s life.

Think about total daily surrender of our desires and selfishness. Think about reality. There’s a divide, a great abyss between the two, it doesn’t matter who we are.

So, how do we get there, or is living like Jesus Christ only something of an ideal? I don’t think Jesus meant for us to think only idealistically. In fact, that’s the Devil’s program, right there!--one of them at least.

Assuming we’re already Christ-believer’s, and conceding Jesus’ statement is conditional, chasing the ‘lost’ life in order to truly save our life (hence finding it) requires us to consistently give up on our own personal desires, plans and dreams and to start loving others as we do ourselves. It’s the perfect search[2] of selflessness and wisdom.

And this can’t ever be done overnight. It’s a process of practising the practice over the years and decades, commencing with the seconds and minutes. It’s about training. It’s about listening to, and cooperating with, the Holy Spirit who dwells in us. It’s about becoming a professional Christlike human being. And if this is our sole focus, all other things we need will be given to us.[3]

Enter the concept of good faith, and right living before God and with humankind.

When we give up what we cannot keep (our life and control over it) for a life in God, we get to keep a slice of eternity (here) as a sort of ‘down payment’ on life kept in eternity (to come) with God--something we cannot lose, provided we remain in him.[4] I think this is what Jim Elliot meant in his quote at first.

ENDNOTES:
[1] I acknowledge Pastor John Edwards.
[2] Note the difference here between perfection and a ‘search.’ Searching like this is a devoted investigation, toward spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.
[3] Matthew 6:33 (TNIV) says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” What are ‘all these things?’ To name a few, these are what we’ll eat and drink, and what we’ll wear. We can extend this out (safely) to any material possession. What we truly need, God will provide.
[4] See John 15:1-17. Jesus’ command for those ‘remaining’ in him... “Love each other.”

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

“Behaviour is a mirror in which everyone displays his own image” –Goethe. Not that we always see it, but we do tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves, whether we like it or not.

Our external responses tend to mirror our perceptions of things--that sounds obvious. It’s when we want to hide our actual opinions and perceptions that our behaviour becomes most interesting. We give ourselves away in this; what we at times accuse and judge others of, is ironically probably what we most actually have to deal with--within ourselves.

One of my most favourite Proverbs speaks of how implicitly human behaviour and responses mirror that of our fellow humans beings. “Just as water reflects the face, so one human heart reflects another” –Proverbs 27:19 (NRSV). This is a deep verse, and depending on how it’s translated from the original text, it can mean several things. Just for example, the Greek translation runs like this: “As faces are not like other faces, so neither are the thoughts of men” (LXX). Both quoted translations are roundly congruent but come from opposing sides.

What they’re saying is this. What we show on our faces (and through our overt behaviour) is basically a mirror of what we’re at times trying to hide (covertly) within our thoughts; our hearts. This is why picking up a liar is easier than we’d normally think. Their body language and demeanour gives them away as it’s incongruent with what they’re saying.

And there’s more. Research has shown that when we actually attend to others’ body language and mirror them in this we can actually build a stronger, more genuine rapport with them.[1] If we choose to position ourselves like the other person, chances are we’ll both see things from a more similar viewpoint.

We also get from people what they’re chiefly thinking about, within themselves. If someone is interacting with us angrily chances are they’re not happy with themselves, or within themselves. Given this, it’s easier to empathise.

We, ourselves, give ourselves up! We all do this in the way we relate with our worlds. This is one very good reason why honesty is always the very best policy. I think it was Mark Twain who said the less we lie the fewer stories we have to remember.

Food for thought?

[1] Allan & Barbara Pease, The Definitive Book of Body Language: How to Read Others’ Thoughts by Their Gestures (Buderim, Australia: Pease International, 2006), p. 263. This advice is correct provided we don’t mirror negative body language.

God Blesses the Needy in Psalm 107

Like September 11 and the Bali Bombings, the Boxing Day 2004 Tsunami will live on in the memories of this generation for the rest of their lives. It’s almost untenable the sheer size of loss in those disasters, but in particular the Tsunami was different in that it was what we might call an ‘act of God.’

And Psalm 107 reminds us via some rich imagery around catastrophic environmental events in history which he brought to pass, theologically, in judging the peoples--both the Israelites and the gentiles. It describes God as the ‘Lord of reversals’--the Saviour of “desert wanderers, prisoners, the sick, and sailors”; the avenger of the needy.[1]

There is a simple pattern in the psalm that echoes the pattern found in Judges. The people stray from God only to be judged; they cry out in repentance and he comes subsequently to redeem them.

Redemption

The theme of redemption is central to this psalm; redemption of the needy and lowly of heart. But what this psalm does, in harping on God’s redemptive action, is it explains the circumstances surrounding each event via a recount and how it came about; it’s a history lesson poetically put.[2]

Most of all, it is an inter-generational warning to remain humble before God, as this is the antecedent for redemption every single time. When the God-follower remains humble he or she receives the redemptive life continually.

Thanksgiving / Thankfulness

Another refrain throughout the psalm, in fact, the underpinning issue as the people look back on their history via oral tradition, is thankfulness for God’s ‘unfailing love and wonderful deeds’ (vss. 8, 15, 21, 24,[3] 31). This is like a choral injunction giving the psalm a smooth meter.

The psalm is a narrate celebration of several famous accounts littering the Old Testament of God’s true faithfulness like the call of Abraham, Elihu’s speech in (and to) Job, the Exodus, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the period of the Judges, etc. It is therefore a liturgy of thanksgiving, both of the individual and the community,[4] for God’s consistent action for those genuinely calling on him in need, and importantly, against those who stray from his law.

The LORD satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry (v. 9)--physically, yes, but most appropriately and with sound accord, spiritually. When God redeems he does so consistently and without recourse. We can entirely rely upon this action. And we ought to be so thankful that God’s action, when he takes it, is basically very predictable.

We must honour him first, and alone, in our obedience to his higher law of love and steadfast faithfulness. We can hence be utterly thankful at all times (1 Thessalonians 5:18).[5]

ENDNOTES:
[1] Craig C. Broyles, Psalms – New International Biblical Commentary (Peabody, Massachusetts: Hendrickson Publishers, 1999), p. 408.
[2] James L. Mays, Psalms – Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching (Louisville, Tennessee: John Knox Press, 1994), p. 345.
[3] Verse 24 simply has ‘wonderful deeds,’ and does not have ‘unfailing love.’
[4] Philip S. Johnston & David G. Firth (eds.), Interpreting the Psalms: Issues and Approaches (Leicester, England: Apollos/InterVarsity Press, 2005), p. 299.
[5] This verse says in bold, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus” –1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (TNIV).

When God Judges with the Roar of a Lion...

“When the LORD roars from Jerusalem, pasturelands and Mount Carmel dry up and turn brown”

–Amos 1:2 (CEV).

Some years back when I was all alone praying to God, dictating my prayers and Scriptural passages onto a tape player for use later the following day, something remarkable happened.

It was the following day when I was playing some of the prayers back when I noticed a distinctly audible voice behind mine--it was imprinted on the tape. As I detected it, I re-wound the tape and played it over. I did this again and again, trying to find some human attribution for it, until I suddenly realised what I had attributed it to be; it was the roar of the LORD.

I’d been lamenting in quite grim anguish this particular night, and that, to the point of wanting quite dire things to happen. I was praying in tears... desperate, confused, grossly disappointed, and totally without hope. Immediately after that point in the tape when I’d said something that might’ve obviously pressed God’s button, I heard a pronounced and echoed, “HGUMM.” It was quite a supernatural sound, not of this world--and it had ‘layers’ to it. (The previous night when I made the recording was very quiet. I certainly did not detect or notice any noises like this.)

I was in a season of deep anguish, yet this season was shrouded in such deep spiritual growth and a burgeoning strength[1] was taking hold of me... I would later see that this was the strength of God, the Almighty--the Beginning and the End of all things.

When I realised what I’d heard, based on my attribution, I froze and realised that I had heard God’s audible voice, and not only that, I’d recorded it. I played it to some others and they attested to the strangeness of it, not discounting my claim. The effect it had on me was the essence of heart-rending fear, yet I knew very specially God’s intent for me and that is was all good. He simply wanted to warn me, getting me to turn from this way.

The verse out of Amos represents the awesome power of the LORD to punish transgressors of his (believer’s) covenant. It is a covenant warning.[2] I was certainly transgressing this particular night, like we all do from time to time, yet the LORD’s roar came in a marked way that it wouldn’t usually.

The roar of the LORD, like a lion or thunder, levels the land both cataclysmically and latently, for example, in the form of destruction or drought. “The mountains melt like wax before the LORD, before the Lord of all the earth (Psalm 97:5 NIV).” God can do this. The roar of the LORD may simply “precede judgment or blessing.”[3] This roar is like a final warning before he executes his finalised judgment. And God can act both cataclysmically and latently in our personal lives too--and he often does.

God rarely makes himself heard like this, and I could’ve been forgiven for feeling a little loony. Yet, this sort of thing has happened to others, and to many I’d esteem, so I’m not alone and not categorically out-of-my-mind for having the experience.

The main point is God does speak, and he speaks in many different ways, including through contemporary ‘minor prophets.’

It beckons us, finally, to be watchful and aware of whenever God will choose to speak (especially in rebuke or commendation) with us very personally, and through our circumstances. May we react quickly and decisively, turning from paths he curses and continuing on paths he blesses.

ENDNOTES:
[1] I look back fondly on this season of life. God is so faithful; he gave me so much spiritual strength. There were times when I would fast for days and still easily walk 30 kilometres (without tiredness or hunger) as I sojourned.
[2] Jeffrey Niehaus, “Amos” in The Minor Prophets: An Exegetical & Expository Commentary, Volume: 1 (Ed. Thomas Edward McComiskey) (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Book House, 1992), p. 338.
[3] Niehaus, Ibid, p. 338.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Thinking with Humility in Meetings with People

Like almost everyone, I get nervous from time to time, particularly in some important meetings, and particularly again when I have to speak. It’s the introversion of my very slight extroversion coming out of me.

Realistically, nerves like this reveal an over-abundance of self-awareness, and that’s distal to humility, which is an attendant focus on others as well as self.

I have found a useful technique that I’ve loaned from integrating both reality television and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP)--the science of studying, then modelling and perfecting excellence in human behaviour and interaction employing emotional intelligence (my definition).

What I do when I’m in an important meeting and I start to feel a little fidgety, awkward or nervous i.e. overly self-aware, is pretend that the meeting is being filmed as part of an episode of reality television.

Imagine for a moment the cameras rolling, panning around the room, focussing in on people at strategic points. The camera focuses on the general environment and context, and on people specifically, but not on us alone.

Now, imagine that our mind is that camera. Our mind’s eye is now focused on things more general than our own heightened sense of self-awareness. Doing this gives us a special appreciation of the actual dynamics of reality within the present context. Less heightened self-awareness means more of our conscious mind can invest in others, their words, tone and body language, plus the overall setting.

A technique like this really does help us appreciate our special role in that meeting without our nerves controlling things detrimentally.

The Call Worth Following… Worthy Alone

The song by Bachman Turner Overdrive, Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet (1974), is synonymous for how I feel it means to be a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ; in bringing us to radical abundance, and a life filled with the Holy Spirit… as he calls us to a life where we might, through our actions, say ‘You ain’t seen nothing yet,’ to the glory of God.

I sometimes wonder what brand of Jesus we’re peddling to the world. ‘What brand of Jesus?’ you might say, bemused… ‘Isn’t there only one brand?’ might be the prevailing thought. Technically, yes, but practically Jesus is relevant to all of us, but in world of different ways.

Jesus doesn’t change and isn’t different, per se, but we need it differently, and just as we ourselves are radically different from even our own brothers, mum’s and sons, he creates a unique perspective for each of us. And this uniqueness means we’re piqued to his call differently.

But, there’s some commonality in our evangelistic approach. Things like love, peace, joy, faith, hope, trust, respect (read ‘tolerance’), and wisdom never change, and neither should our approach with these.

I find personally, the called person is separated by the driven person in a welling up of the soul where God’s love overflows from within us in (hopefully) controlled, guarded, prudent action. I get some days when my imagination and creativity burst out from deep inside of me onto my unsuspecting mind and heart and I can barely take captive these thoughts--writing them down. Yet that is what God requires of me: to listen, and write, and hence learn, and then preach. And I thrive on the work.

I feel so charged and impelled forward during these days that I wonder how it will end, and whether the end (to my physical state) will be good (or otherwise) for me, personally. I am so drawn in by God that I feel beyond personal control as I faithfully surrender and follow him, capturing ideas as they flow into my head, then onto paper with the furious movement of my pen. And when I’m not capturing these thoughts i.e. when they dry up for several days, he impels me to develop further those older ideas, and to edit and do further ‘transactional’ work, for him.

Other Christian servants act practically in both similar and other ways, with people face to face, or in the world--in a myriad of ways. They’re called to follow someone who’s entirely worth following. He beckons them to take his lead, and though it’s far from the most comfortable thing to do, they cannot help but follow fervently, urgently and provide servant leadership to the glory of God.

The Call is a life of absolute surrender to the One who calls; and it isn’t a choice, it’s a pulsatingly, irresistible mandate from the Most High, and he alone is the great Persuader. It is a gently jolting journey toward extending territories and our very personal impact in and on the world in the name of God, the only worthy One.[1]

[1] Many people have followed so-called ‘gurus’ and masters of spirituality. The persuasive component of their follow-ship is probably no different to that of following the Lord Jesus Christ; but it’s a philosophical and theological fact that Jesus is the only way (John 14:6).

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Trust: Relationship Maker or Breaker

“Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your [behind]. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with”

–Mac MacGuff, father of Juno, from the movie Juno (2007). [1]

The ‘kind of person worth sticking with’... someone who trusts us, and allows us to trust them. Can there be one attribute in human relationships more important than trust? It seems to me, more than love--in fact trust as love--puts trust as pivotally crucial in familial, and especially spousal, relationships.

In a parenting course I’m doing presently with my wife, we learned of the ‘father’s mandate’ i.e. “to develop a relationship of trust with his children.”[2] Now, there were some humbling truths to attend to in this session, and no less, some guilt for past wrongs in acts that have damaged the trust aspect. And any father learning this feels the same way, because no one is perfect.

But let’s broaden the concept of trust out to all close, inter-reliant relationships. For I think trust is the key that unlocks the door to success in rightly relating with someone (anyone) close.

Can it be any more an intrinsic partnership, say with a spouse or business partner, where there is a genuine interdependent exchange of the “Golden Rule,” of trusting the other as we’d want to be trusted?

And the flipside of this story is all relationships in trouble probably have a strong element of distrust about them. The relationship that’s about to implode or already has would reveal trust at an all-time low.

Going back to the MacGuff quote, it seems to me that many people go on for several years struggling to have even a basic level of happiness with their partners; there’s too little compromise and too much dysfunctional communication, and this possibly reveals not enough love. We can’t have things our own way all the time; life just doesn’t work like that.

After all, love is a verb--it is better defined by what we do and not simply by what we think or feel; and trust (based out of love) needs to be practically outworked. We best trust people through action.

And those who’ve worked hard at their relationships over the years testify; they do eventually get there and they somehow learn to trust and they make it a tangible, daily skill in their relationships.

So, what will it be? Shall we work on trust by trusting, and therefore enrich all our lives, or shall we let a lack of trust erode what little trust there currently might be? Hard choice, not!

ENDNOTES:
[1] Juno (2007) Quotes, retrieved 2 May, 2009. http://www.junoquotes.com/
[2] Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo, Let the Children Come Along the Virtuous Way: Growing Kids God’s Way (Happy Valley, South Australia: Growing Families Australia, 2002), p. 69. The full father’s mandate is: “To rightly reflect the truth of God and to develop a relationship of trust with his children based on that truth.”

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Humbling Exercise that is Parenting

Every now and then I get a true glimpse of how humbling it is to be a parent, especially of growing children approaching adulthood. By this I mean:

~~ How quickly I become flustered and confused (at least internally) as to what direction to go in;

~~ The frequency of times that I apparently don’t know what I’m talking about;

~~ And the amount of times it appears to some others that I lose my patience when I feel I haven’t (but there has to be at least some truth to others’ perceptions).

Parenting--the lifespan of the whole process--I’m sure, is designed to be a character-growing journey. The very same things we got away with, and even those that plagued us, as adolescents, suddenly come back to haunt us. If we were clumsy, chances are our kids (or at least one of them) will be clumsy. They do have more than our looks, after all!

To me, parenting is more and more about the issue of selflessness. And when I’m feeling selfish and want time for myself, my parenting performance goes south, rapidly. At least these days I recognise it quickly for the most part, apologise, and then lift my attitude.

We can’t afford to relax too much in our parenting, can we? And once the process starts--with a delivery suite wail--it never really ceases (and we should pray that it wouldn’t). The irony is we all want time off; we all want to be recluses at times, sinking into ourselves and our own pursuits, or to at least have things our own way.

I’m sure that God has shown me more in my failings as a parent than in my successes and at least the humbling process means I am actually getting better at it.

And that’s one of the sharpest reminders. God is graceful. No matter how many times I get it slightly wrong (or even horribly wrong) God’s there to help me pick the moment up and get it back on track.

Thank God[1] (truly) for concept of ‘the apology.’

[1] “Thank God,” the term is so often used blasphemously. The term “Oh my god” or “OMG” is a disgrace, especially when Christians use it. It grieves the Holy Spirit whenever it is said or written.

God Unleashing ‘Devil’s Worst Nightmares’

A train wreck is perhaps the best way to describe how some lives turn out. In the grip of a myriad of vice, of which alcohol and drugs are prominently just two, there are only two ways a life can go; the continual passage toward carnage and hell, and the next potentially deadly ‘rock bottom,’ or the equally easy choice of heaven--to be saved by God.

Today I was rapturously inspired by a group visiting my local church. Sherwood House is a faith-based rehabilitation centre using work as a ministry and fellowship back from darkness, in the raising from the dead of God’s mighty men, by the Holy Spirit.

Two men gave their testimonies and I was suddenly reminded of the spiritual power and majesty of our own stories. Both Tony and Alan shared how God had miraculously broken into their lives, showering them with love, grace and power, through Sherwood House’s ministry.

And I got a fresh sense that these men epitomised what I myself have seen and learned. That is, the first-generation Christian often has the distinct advantage regarding the revelatory knowledge of God over the second-generation Christian who was brought up in the church, and ‘found’ God through their parents, for instance.

The first-generation Christian has a God-revelation experience thrust on him or her, personally (as per Saul in Acts 9), to the result of all his or her praise and thanksgiving; the second-generation Christian (unless they have a ‘Prodigal Son’ experience), don’t, generally. They often don’t get to taste the radical sweetness of grace because it is best recognised in the return from suffering and spiritual deadness--almost as a prerequisite.

On speaking of the sinful woman who anointed Jesus, he said,

“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little”
–Luke 7:47 (NIV).

To the person who’s received much forgiveness, there is so much more gratitude--and often (though not always) a larger slice of the revealed power of God.

I find it amazing how effectively God levels the playing field. Those whom could possibly feel they have the most reason for guilt and shame are brought up--in an instant--to be co-heirs with lifelong pastors, theologians and great Christian people in history; for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, yet share in his grace (Romans 3:23). We’re reminded in this that God is no respecter of persons. He applies his dominion equally without favouritism.

I am most grateful that these eight men from Sherwood House showed me, again, that God’s biggest miracles occur in one life at a time. As Sherwood House’s coordinator, Keiran Hartley says, these risen men are indeed becoming ‘the Devil’s worst nightmare,’ by the transcendent power of the Holy Spirit!

They shared with me one nugget that I want to share with you. Love is spelled T.I.M.E., which is the best thing we can give to anyone, by the power of God.

The Dark Side of Goal-Setting

A recent article concluding a summary of studies on goal-setting stated, “In addition to motivating constructive behavior, goal setting--especially when it involves rewards--can motivate unethical behavior when people fall short of the goals they set or are set for them.”[1]

The Prevalence of Goal-Setting

When we think about it, goal-setting seems fundamental to performance and measurement of that performance in our world--a healthy response to the action we make and take; hardly any part of the world is immune from goals. Not even the ministry or the Vatican is immune, though they might be somewhat less relevant to some, viz, monasterial orders. Goal-setting is, however, ostensibly secular in its philosophy and objective.

But, the real issue here is the misuse of goal-setting, as surely goal-setting is a wisdom construct: at its purest, it’s the aiming for, and monitoring of, the truthful best. Agencies and persons who set goals (and that would be all of us) must then understand the potential impact goal-setting has on the flawed human psyche, and how it can easily manipulate the human condition toward unethical deeds and ends.

So Close, But Yet So Far…

The temptation to skimp ethically on safety and other requirements in the achievement of goals is particularly marked right as the goal is about to be reached.

Recently I got a call from my daughter to pick her up early from work; I hadn’t allowed for this, and I was going to struggle to make it--my goal of picking her up on time was at jeopardy. I found myself suddenly a little more foot-leaden as I drove to pick her up.

I took what risk I thought I could get away with, until I realised my folly. (We very quickly forget how easily we are duped at times, as we are motivated by the goal in ignorant bliss.) Yet, I should’ve just been honest and told her I’d be five minutes late (re-setting the goal to ensure it was achievable). Had I been further away (say thirty minutes) I wouldn’t have even attempted to take risks--I’d have just been straight about it. But, I was tantalizingly close to achieving my objective; so close I was prepared to entertain ‘bending’ the road rules!

An example from the business world would be meeting a lost time injury frequency rate target by bringing injured workers into work to do ‘light duties.’ A church example might be goals on baptisms or attendance--the tried and tested ‘numbers’ game--where the books are ‘cooked’ to show favourable growth.

Both in the secular and ministry worlds, this behaviour is a misrepresentation of the truth.

The rewards for achieving goals can be both tangible and intangible. Tangible rewards are easy enough to represent i.e. bonuses, trinkets and other commodities, but the intangible rewards run a lot deeper to things like, positive self-evaluation and self-satisfaction, not to mention the incurred ‘psychological costs’ of unmet goals.

The Role of Accountability in Performance Measurement

People will also have a greater propensity to misreport or misrepresent their actual performance if there is a lack of accountability. As I drove to pick up my daughter, I thought about the consequences morally (toward hypocrisy) and the chances of a speeding ticket; both of these issues kept me accountable. Yet, there are many times in life when we don’t have that level of supervision, and we can easily justify a little bending of the rules to get what we want.

It appears that if we want to set people up to succeed (in any environment, whether it’s secular business or church ministry) we ought to provide impetus for people to either simply ‘try their best,’ measuring the process and not so much the outcome, or we should ensure there are streams of solid, reliable accountability--or we can expect people to be tempted and, at least in some cases, overcome by the temptations to cheat and claim as met, unmet goals.

Perhaps it’s the application of both: ‘Try your best’ cultures where we are rewarded similarly whether goals are met or not AND sufficient accountability (without stifling performance and hurting morale).

Seemingly either one needs to be strongly present in the matter of goal-setting.

[1] Knowledge@Wharton – Operations Management, Goal setting and Cheating: Why They Often Go Together in the Workplace (July 28, 2004) Retrieved April 28, 2009. Available online at Source: http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=1017

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Commodity of Time & Our ‘Redeeming’ of It

“There is no more prevalent or pathetic illusion, no more delusive excuse and evasion, than [the] inability to find time to do real things in a strong way. For time is not found; it is made”

–Hamilton Wright Mabie. (Italics added.)

And it is a simple, daily lesson for us. There stands above us a great thing we can never possess; a most significant truth... it commences and ends as time.

(As an aside, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, our society misses the literary authenticity and boldness of an A.W. Tozer or a J. Oswald Sanders! We just don’t get this raw, eloquent, penetrating truth so much these days.)

One chapter that I recently read from Sanders’ book Problems of Christian Discipleship titled The Strategic Use of Time, sent bolts and shards of resonating, paralysing truth through me.

He presents Dr. John R. Mott’s definition of time. It is “duration turned to account.” Sanders further propounds Mott’s work, saying he “viewed time as our lives measured out to us for work, the measure of the capacity of our lives.”[1] (Italics added.) And this is our central purpose--work; not just vocational work, but work to improve life and to further our personal capacity and our capacity for others. This is about expanding the territories of our influence, not for selfish gain, but for God’s glory.

Following the Pauline concept of ‘redeeming the time’ (Ephesians 5:16), we must make the most of every opportunity to work hard and rest well.

Many people, including myself from time to time, have the golden predilection to complain about the lack of time, as if more of the stuff could be bought. It cannot, it can only be made.

C.S. Lewis once said, “The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.” It’s just that some seem to reach the end of their hours having achieved more and are surprisingly more relaxed and at ease than the others. Because their work rate is higher as a norm, they are not put out in consistently rising to significant challenges and tests that impinge on their time. They’re actually conditioned to it. Their ‘time fitness’ levels are in the top percentiles, and they please God as a result.

Utilising the time we have is also the key to growth and advancement in life. “Nature takes care that no [person] gets morally, intellectually, or spiritually rich by sitting still and letting things pour into [their] lap.”[2] The person who does not understand this basic concept of life, goes hungry and wonders why. But some will stubbornly refuse to acknowledge this truth; this is the proverbial fool. They would rather be wrong and say they’re right and suffer the consequences, complaining as they go! How ridiculous.

Sanders’ Threefold Prescription[3]

The ‘impelling motive,’ in Sanders’ vernacular, is to reach a lost world. How could we sanely waste time and then not fold in despairing sorrow before God?

Practically, we must firstly stops leaks with the use of our time. Some have diligently measured time in fifteen or even five minute lots throughout the 24-hour day; these people chide themselves if they miss and waste one of those segments of the day or night. These are at the upper echelon of those ‘redeeming time.’

Secondly, we must study our priorities; this speaks again of what Bill Hybels calls ‘selective sluggardness.’ This is when we miss part of our purpose in life because our priorities are out of whack. This hearkens us to stop doing ‘secondary things’--and we all have a tendency for them--that are unimportant in the eternal realm, yet win a guernsey to the neglect of things God wants us to do.

We must finally start planning our lives, being deliberate and intentional about achieving our purpose. This can only become plainly visible to us in reflection and prayer. This activity gives us tools in assisting the first two. Discerning a plan for the week or month ahead takes time in itself, but it’s time well invested.

ENDNOTES:
[1] J. Oswald Sanders, Problems of Christian Discipleship (London: China Inland Mission/Lutherworth Press, 1958), p. 119.
[2] Hamilton Wright Mabie, Fruits of the Spirit (New York: Dodd, Mead and Company, 1917 (also Ayer Publishing, 1966)), p. 187.
[3] Sanders, Ibid, pp. 122-24.

Who’s the Alien?

Sting’s single Englishman in New York (1988) was inspired by gay eccentric Quentin Crisp’s treatment at the hands of the homophobic Britons. Sting met him after he moved from England to New York. An amazing irony; this man, an abomination to a great many so-called Christians, would have identified with the treatment of Christ perhaps more than a good many Christians. And if anyone would’ve felt like an alien it would have been Crisp.

I’m no gay-rights supporter. I’ll say that upfront. But, I do draw the ‘alien’ distinction. The sentiment of “I’m an alien, I’m a legal alien, I’m an Englishman in New York,” is nothing when we consider that Crisp suffered a great degree of ostracising ignorance, but still apparently chose to smile resiliently through it (though certainly not with the perfect distinction of Jesus).

And there’s a great theological and philosophical bow that can be drawn here, to the Christian walk.

Who’s supposed to be the real alien?

“Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners[1] and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us”

–1 Peter 2:11-12 (TNIV).

The alien is a stranger, a sojourner, a foreigner; an exile. The alien is merely a strange person in the context of his or her present circumstances. And if they’re sojourning it’s a break or halt to their normal activity. And we’re all here (on this earth) for just a brief stay. Eternity is our real home. When we leave this earth, finally, we will leave it for good to those who remain behind; but they too will not be any more at home than we were.

The people who received 1 Peter were the equivalent of those of the persecuted church today, “sociologically, and not only spiritually, [they were] sojourners and exiles.”[2] They would have read the letter as more personally relevant than we would naturally (in our thriving ecumenical society) today.

The point is, we are not naturally predisposed to think like aliens.

In Moses’ time, there were many commands[3] on how to treat the alien, and treat them with practical love. Who’s the alien we’re to treat well--certainly with regard to the new covenant? A refugee? A gay person? Anyone out-of-place?

And so, how does God view the alien?

“The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked” –Psalm 146:9 (NIV). Oh, what a defender the alien has!

The True Alien

And the real alien, certainly from Peter’s offering above, is none other than the Christian. We are to be set apart as different in our responses to life situations; our responses are to be different to that of world. When worldly people ‘malign us as evildoers’ (as they inevitably will) we are to respond in a faithful way--trusting in God’s sufficiency to watch over and sustain us--so that the worldly person may see God’s work in us, and this, glorifying and pointing to him.

If we can’t respond in a different way compared with the world, God is not glorified but vilified--and we have caused this in our hypocrisy. We are then, by our actions, not true followers.

Peter casts his eye back over Jesus, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly”

–1 Peter 2:23 (TNIV).

What does it mean to you to be set apart; to live as an alien? Willing obedience to God’s true will often means turning from our own heart’s desire over to his.

We are willing slaves for God, submitting ourselves to ‘every human authority.’ And we do this so that God might be glorified as we show ourselves to be true aliens here, but home to God. And we must do this with a great deal of tenacity! So much so it is part of our daily existence.

This willed and devoted alien existence of submission, paradoxically, is the only way we can lucidly reveal God working in and through us.

ENDNOTES:
[1] The words foreigner and alien in 1 Peter 2:11 and Psalm 146:9 are both interchangeable.
[2] David L. Bartlett, The First Letter of Peter: Introduction, Commentary and Reflections (Nashville, Tennessee: Abingdon Press, 1998), p. 270.
[3] See for instance Leviticus 10:18-19; 19:33-34; 23:22; 25:23; 25:35; Deuteronomy 24:17-22; 27:19; 31:12 (which appears to include the aliens as part of the community).

Friday, May 1, 2009

Character Growth Happens in ‘Loved’ Hardship

In a variation of the Tom Peters quote, “Excellent companies provide two things simultaneously: tough environments and very supportive environments,” I believe that good, enduring characters, strong in Christian values and virtue, are built on precisely the same phenomenon--a tough, yet not spirit-breaking journey.

It just doesn’t seem to gel, but when life’s running swimmingly, we just don’t grow. In fact, when things are going well, we’re more likely to succumb to softness and pleasure, and we’re inclined toward moving backwards and not forwards in the personal growth stakes. (And the nature of life is we never stand still; it’s either backwards or forwards--and only we can choose.)

Take any newly married man. He’s so ‘fed up’ on his wife’s lovely cooking (or at least it used to be like this--my wife’s a brilliant cook by the way!) he naturally puts on a winter coat as a result. Truth is, he’s just gotten comfortable with life, and doesn’t so much have anyone to impress. Harsh? (But, it’s nevertheless true.) Why do we put on weight? We get (too) comfortable with life.

‘No pain, no gain,’ they say, and rightly so. We could call these, aptly, ‘growing pains.’ Anyone who’s rebounded from adversity in life knows the pain of growth; they’d rather not have the indignity of adversity thrust upon them, but hey, there’s no choice and no room to move but grapple with the ghastly situation at hand. ‘Toughen up, princess,’ is the abrasive modern term; what I’m suggesting Christianises this concept with love. If we ‘toughen up’ without love, there’s no healing, no growth, just denial.

And when people can ‘toughen up’ in the right (loving) environments they thrive!

Provided we have a ‘very supportive environment’ or mechanism to assist, a tough environment can be countered effectively in the longer run. Both are required for the best personal growth.

I see it in situations of emotional abuse in relationships; even in some cases of bullying. With people to genuinely support and love the bullied, they can eventually grow through the harrowing times, and develop all sorts of courage and confidence as a result. What doesn’t kill them makes them stronger, to paraphrase Nietzsche.

If we know of someone doing it tough in a bullied sort of relationship we can lend loving support--and we should. We can be part of that very supportive environment.

The point is…

We have the very human ability to stretch in adapting; the resilient person’s resolve (once their mind’s made up) is not easily broken and their minds are designed to conform, in spite of what might form appositionally. “Conforming in this way is no robot or subservient behaviour; the resilient are actually strong enough to conform cheerfully.”[1]

[1] Wickham, Steve, Resilience is Elastic (EzineArticles.com, 3 Oct. 2008). Retrieved 30 Apr 2009 <http://ezinearticles.com/?Resilience-is-Elastic&id=1553399>.