That First-Love Gift

I never thought in my hardest, loneliest days – 22 years ago now – that those would also be the times I felt closest to God.  

Not that I’m not close to God today.  I just recognise that I’m ever clamouring to get back to that time, spiritually, when I absolutely needed God every day, and many of those days it was one moment at a time.  

Many of those first days
I had nothing but God.  

I had my daughters and my parents,
but I also had a lot of time alone.

God was front and centre and proved
His presence with me every time.

But with time, and especially as life becomes easier, our love for God cools.  I know that God understands and accepts the ‘cooling’ of our love for Him over time.  Perhaps we don’t love Him less, maybe it’s a refining of our love.  

The tension in us to get back to the first-love status is all that is needed.  

I call it a tension because on the one hand we want what we had in the past, and somehow it impels us forward in the future.  And on the other hand, accepting that we’d always want that heart-aflame passion means, we affirm those who are there – those on fire for God.  They fan aflame our faith by the Holy Spirit.  The young in faith are a gift that we need.

Wanting what we had honours the past.  I never thought when I was really broken that I had something that I would want to reclaim in the future.  

I guess part of my hope back then was that God would truly use some of that brokenness for His glory.  And God has really honoured that.

Somehow, I’m hoping that there is someone reading this who’s right there in the beginning of their journey of recovery who needs this encouragement.  There is something I envy about where you’re at!  

Your spiritual proximity to God is something that isn’t always there when you’ve overcome the tyranny of circumstantial brokenness – when life has righted itself years or a decade or two on.  

There is a real beauty in a life full of lived purpose for the things suffered initially.  I love living out of the purpose God gave me more than two decades ago.

Be encouraged in your rock bottom state, that pressing into God right where you’re at, when you feel you’ve got nothing, is the absolute nexus, the prime position, to receive Jesus’ love.  

A decade or two or three on we’ve been through a lot and perhaps we’re worn down a little with life, or our love for God has cooled because we’ve begun to take what He’s done for us a little for granted.  

The sanctity of the first-love is precious, we’re receptive and more open to revelation.  Our insight is piqued, and our hope is strong because we’re weak.  

The sanctity of the first-love is precious also because we believe in the miraculousness of God, that God lives and moves and walks faithfully with us every step of the way.  

That first-love is a gift that we may feel is somewhere attainable but also somewhere on the horizon — visible, even touchable.  It’s enchanting and part of the hope we have to remain connected to the Vine which is Jesus.  

To have had that first-love — to be set on reclaiming it — is the greatest gift.

Beautiful Wisdom Parenting

I spoke at church last Sunday on the call placed on Barnabas and Saul prior to them being sent to the nations of the world (Acts 13:1-3), essentially taking the message of Christ to whole societies that has absolutely civilised the world.  

A ‘call’ is our innate purpose — something as Christians we receive from God.  

Yet, each of us is absolutely called — perhaps not to spread a message en masse — but certainly we all have a purpose because of the lives we have.  All our lives — whatever faith we have — has purpose, and a purpose: a calling.

I don’t need to say that God gave us our lives and placed us where we are, in our discrete situations, with our life experiences, with the families we have.  Much of this happened for us, whilst some of this we, ourselves, create, have created, and continue to plan for in the creation.  

Allow me to hone in on family — parenting and family leadership, to be precise.  Many, many of us — perhaps even the majority of us — are called into this place of making our contribution to society, and living our lives, so that others (not only ourselves) will prosper.

Indeed, the call on all our lives is to serve others, whether we have leadership or not.  And this is never more poignant than in the family with parenting and grandparenting.  I can say that service is our purpose because of the evidence on our own souls when we have provided service (when we have been kind, patient, gracious, have offered space, etc.) — that good feeling we receive is from God.

Beautiful wise parenting is all the love languages sprinkled as blessings in the lives given to us to love.  

It’s kind words, spoken with belief and authenticity to encourage; the lifeblood of the courage we all need through kind words spoken that say, “You are enough… I’m with you… you can do this thing ahead of you.”

It’s patience executed with grace, absorbing stress as a gift to and for the other.

It’s that quality time spent focused on the other person without distraction, with eye contact, listening, enjoying one another’s presence, turning phones off or leaving them in another room.  Quality time has that intransigent value of being timeless — it doesn’t mean hours on end, but it can be a priceless moment of matchless value, chock full of spiritual nourishment.  Life with lots of these moments with our loved ones.   

It’s beautiful acts of diligent service — where it adds value in the other person’s life, not to enable sloth, but to help where it would be significantly appreciated, but never done for our reward — never done with a string attached.

It’s appropriate physical touch — defined by the other as appropriate and sought.  Through the ages and stages of children’s lives, needs and boundaries change, their physical autonomy must be respected and adhered to, and keeping them safe never changes.  Loving our children and grandchildren requires wisdom and mastery especially around physical touch — everyone’s body is their own domain — and knowing when a hug or simple proximity (sitting and being together) are often powerful and necessary ways to love.  

All of the foregoing are gifts to our children, but there are physical resources and lovely things that can and ought to be given to nourish their lives.  

Being a parent and a grandparent is the most privileged and blessed thing, but with this comes the responsibility to love them well.  We won’t always get it right, so being quick and sincere in apologising is crucial.  Ultimately, WE as parents and grandparents are to be safe people who our children and grandchildren FEEL love them.

That’s the thing with
the beautiful wisdom of love —
the OTHER person gets to define
if it felt like love or not.  

Us being open to this feedback is fundamental.

It cannot be said better than Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”