You Can Upset Only Yourself

As a self-confessing would-be anti-complainant it breaks me up when I lose my cool and get seemingly angry for no real reason. I just did this very recently and I was perplexed as to why! Almost whilst I was doing this I was troubled by it. It led me to the thought, ‘How do we control our responses to things, behaviourally?’

As I analysed my behaviour afterwards I realised that I was actually upset with myself first and foremost; I’d let someone down who was important to me and was embarrassed by that fact. Little did I know it though, this series of thoughts and self-judgments led to a series of behaviours that I would later regret; though they were not overtly harmful, it made the situation worse because I berated myself even more. The worst thing really was my discontentment could not be explained. Like fear which cannot be explained, and by definition therefore this becomes ‘anxiety,’ I had no way really of trouble-shooting bar sharing with my wife, who listened intently and supported me ably.

The following day, however, I was able to see the situation in a fresh, more realistic, and certainly less harsh light. And this was my summation:

I got negatively emotional. This was caused by my failing someone in a vital area that I personally value; I experienced guilt. That is normal. What did I do with it? I let it harbour. I know that the best solution to these situations, for me, is to surrender completely to the truth and not delay in doing so. I did not do this. I did not seek the blessings and reparation of God when a touch more boldness would have done the business; I missed the point of transaction.

It underscores a thought. Getting emotionally upset is a form of a lack of self-control. It is a departure for the state of being “adult.” We all do it from time to time, even those most ‘adult’ amongst us. The key is quickly addressing this propensity we have to slip back into the ‘wounded child.’ The best people do this in-the-moment. I can think of times, and many of them, when I’ve done this and it so motivates me; it’s the power of God to turn to him instantly and experience his grace; then we just get on with adult living again--simple!

The idea of wisdom is adulthood. Those who’re consistently adult-like are the sages. At the end of the day we can only ever upset ourselves; (sure, we can upset others, but that is not the subject in focus here. We’re discussing our own emotions and the corresponding control of them.)

No matter the stimulus, we have the power to respond ‘in the adult.’ Recall that ‘adult’ behaviour is reasonable, responsible, rational, realistic, and logical.

Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.