Relationship Makers: Take Your Time

There are fewer more enjoyable things in life than mixing with people and forming positive, rich relationships. These are the very things that we’ll look back on at the end of a long life--it’s not the things we’ll have accumulated, but the ties with people that we’ve made that will characterise our lives and provide meaning.

The thing that often gets in the way of real relationships is time. Time pressure, whether it is real or self-imposed, robs people and relational situations of their potential. These below are three impacts when time pressure is the key driver in the lives of people:

We don’t listen

In computer terms, Random Access Memory or RAM is taken up processing information; the more information to process, the slower the computer goes. When things weigh us down time wise our mental capacity is taken up in our own world and we have less to ‘memory’ to invest in the world of another person--this is the primary objective of listening--to enter the other person’s world. We simply can’t listen very effectively with stuff on our minds.

We don’t think

With so much on, people’s mental focus is usually quick to desert them. When we can’t focus and concentrate in the moment we don’t stand much of a chance having an authentic exchange with another person.

We don’t report accurately

When the pressure’s on, plastic platitudes and clichés are the order of the day as there’s not enough time to have an authentic conversation. When we are under pressure we’re less likely to risk honesty with people and we’re less likely to stick to the script.

Now, it’s crucial to be able to report accurately, especially in business and work life; so why do we load people up so much? And why do people load themselves up so much?

Divergent priorities and busyness are chief reasons for not having time for people and relationships, whether they are formal friendships or casual friendly ‘hallway’ interactions which are just as important. When we are too busy we can’t listen very well, we struggle to think efficiently, and we don’t communicate as truthfully as we potentially could.

There’s no substitute for time in forging relationships. Taking our time is a vital life choice. The promises of busyness never bear fruit in the longer run.

Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.