Evidence: The Best Guide To Trusting People – Rely On It

Many people don’t realise how insidious our previous treatment at the hand of others impacts and clouds our ongoing judgments of them. It affects our relationships strongly. If we’ve been hurt by people or are just plain wary, we’re inclined to view them as of guilty intent when we interact with them. It’s a dangerous but understandable conundrum.

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A far better way is to look for, and base our judgments, on evidence alone -- this means we’ll have to commit to giving people -- who probably don’t deserve it -- the benefit of our doubt. This is an incredibly hard thing to do. Not only do we have to be honest with ourselves that it happens, we also have to be resilient enough to change our thinking and behaviour steadily over time. It requires skill and faith.

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Here’s a suggested process when interacting with vexatious souls who might be assumed as harmful:

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- Go into these interactions with as open a mind as possible;

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- Stay as emotionless and as ‘adult’ as possible -- that is responsible, reasonable, rational, realistic, and logical -- we find that under-the-belt blows are manageable when we’ve prepared our minds (to receive them) in an adult way;

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- Try and stick to the overall goals that are common to all, or need to be achieved, as drivers. Don’t fall for ‘my way or the highway’ thought patterns. Stay mentally disciplined;

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- Problem-solve in objectives -- try to stay away from opinion. Be swayed only by fact;

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- Believe that we can make a staunch enemy a friend if we treat them consistently with trust and respect; and,

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- When there is finally evidence that people are vindictive or bullying we must try to distance ourselves from them, if possible.

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Overall, we must make a commitment to believing that all people have an innocent and constructive intent, and that that belief should only change based on solid evidence to the contrary. When we consistently achieve this, we’ll be a little further beyond making dangerous and embarrassing assumptions from small-minded perceptions based on past experiences and not on the present situation.

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There is nothing quite like the ‘evidence test.’ Our perceptions and attitudes so often prove us wrong if we give way to them. Don’t fall for that trap. When we discipline our minds we can achieve anything regarding relationships really.

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Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.