“Could you please clean up the kitchen after you’ve used it!” barked Lisbeth, tired and frustrated. Whatever she tried, it seemed she’d not found any way to motivate her husband Philip or their two kids to do as she required... Helen, a general manager of a large industrial dry-cleaning company, felt exasperated. One of her managers, Sophia, consistently fell short in some of her key performance indicators, not to mention her lack of savvy with some of team -- conflict would often spiral out of control to a point that anger erupted. Helen had tried everything to bring about change including several performance interviews...
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Change. How do we get important people in our lives to change? How do we influence them in real ways as to see them doing the things they ought to be doing, or stop doing things they shouldn’t be doing? Living with people can be a frustrating exercise at times, particularly when they won’t listen or respond appropriately.
Change. How do we get important people in our lives to change? How do we influence them in real ways as to see them doing the things they ought to be doing, or stop doing things they shouldn’t be doing? Living with people can be a frustrating exercise at times, particularly when they won’t listen or respond appropriately.
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The main problem is ‘your issue’ is not yet important enough to them for them to change. It’s ‘your issue’ after all. It needs to become ‘both your and their issue’ or ‘their issue’ for change to have any chance of sticking. This applies to the rule of common sense.
The main problem is ‘your issue’ is not yet important enough to them for them to change. It’s ‘your issue’ after all. It needs to become ‘both your and their issue’ or ‘their issue’ for change to have any chance of sticking. This applies to the rule of common sense.
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Also, are you listening? It appears to me that the important law of relational reciprocity applies also. If we listen, we increase the chances of our partners, children, and subordinates listening.
Change is a difficult business. It’s uncomfortable. Change gets easier when you’re constantly or regularly changing; when we’re in flux so-to-speak. Requiring people to change -- if that is part of your role in life -- as parent, manager, partner, might also mean we need to be just as adaptable. Can we lead by example? Or are we saying, ‘Do as I say, not as I do’? Let’s be honest with ourselves.
Also, are you listening? It appears to me that the important law of relational reciprocity applies also. If we listen, we increase the chances of our partners, children, and subordinates listening.
Change is a difficult business. It’s uncomfortable. Change gets easier when you’re constantly or regularly changing; when we’re in flux so-to-speak. Requiring people to change -- if that is part of your role in life -- as parent, manager, partner, might also mean we need to be just as adaptable. Can we lead by example? Or are we saying, ‘Do as I say, not as I do’? Let’s be honest with ourselves.
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People simply don’t change unless there’s good reason. Why would they otherwise? If Lisbeth could convince Philip and their two kids regarding the impact of the messy kitchen on her life and how that makes her feel, she’d have a reasonable chance of influencing change. Empathy needs a chance to work. If Helen could bring Sophia into her world; that decisions will soon need to be made as part of her general manager role regarding Sophia’s performance -- that her tenure is up for review, surely that might motivate Sophia to change if she wanted to keep her job. It’s up to Sophia, not Helen.
People simply don’t change unless there’s good reason. Why would they otherwise? If Lisbeth could convince Philip and their two kids regarding the impact of the messy kitchen on her life and how that makes her feel, she’d have a reasonable chance of influencing change. Empathy needs a chance to work. If Helen could bring Sophia into her world; that decisions will soon need to be made as part of her general manager role regarding Sophia’s performance -- that her tenure is up for review, surely that might motivate Sophia to change if she wanted to keep her job. It’s up to Sophia, not Helen.
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Influence is all about making things personally important; so ownership is transferred from the complainant to the perpetrator of the problem in the first place. An important factor is having the personal courage and dignity to follow-through with what you know needs to occur. Make it personally relevant. If we can do that, influencing change becomes easier and much more practical -- a science that can be learned and applied rather than an art that requires special intuition and flair.
Influence is all about making things personally important; so ownership is transferred from the complainant to the perpetrator of the problem in the first place. An important factor is having the personal courage and dignity to follow-through with what you know needs to occur. Make it personally relevant. If we can do that, influencing change becomes easier and much more practical -- a science that can be learned and applied rather than an art that requires special intuition and flair.
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Copyright © 2008, S.J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Copyright © 2008, S.J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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