Jim and Jo are a couple who’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for some time. They’ve travelled through the romantic phase of their relationship and are now quite steady knowing each other rather well. Like most couples however, they have their differences. For one, Jo likes to go out yet Jim is a homebody. Jim is also ruggedly independent and tries hard to keep his feelings to himself, whilst Jo is warm-hearted and loves a ‘deep and meaningful,’ and this leaves her emotionally starved on occasions.
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Opposites attract. We’ve come to expect this in relationships so Jim and Jo’s example doesn’t surprise us. It’s almost as if people who are similar end up being opposites in any event as even the smallest differences tend to become polarised in life as a couple. Let’s face it, a couple needs certain things in common just to get to first base. Understanding your partner’s differences is crucial to the ongoing success and level of happiness you experience in your relationship together.
Opposites attract. We’ve come to expect this in relationships so Jim and Jo’s example doesn’t surprise us. It’s almost as if people who are similar end up being opposites in any event as even the smallest differences tend to become polarised in life as a couple. Let’s face it, a couple needs certain things in common just to get to first base. Understanding your partner’s differences is crucial to the ongoing success and level of happiness you experience in your relationship together.
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The science of personality profiling goes a long way toward sorting out the mess of confusion, explaining away the differences. Based on Jungian psychological theory, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)[1] is one of the most dependable personality profiling tools. “Type” as it is referred to is widely used in life these days. It gives people an insight as to their preferences and the ability to understand how others view the world differently. There are sixteen (16) broad categories based from eight (8) key opposing descriptors called functions, comprising four (4) dichotomies:
The science of personality profiling goes a long way toward sorting out the mess of confusion, explaining away the differences. Based on Jungian psychological theory, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)[1] is one of the most dependable personality profiling tools. “Type” as it is referred to is widely used in life these days. It gives people an insight as to their preferences and the ability to understand how others view the world differently. There are sixteen (16) broad categories based from eight (8) key opposing descriptors called functions, comprising four (4) dichotomies:
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Extraversion vs. Intraversion dichotomy
Extraversion vs. Intraversion dichotomy
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People showing preference for extraversion are typically interested in “the outer world of people and activity,” whereas those introverted “focus on their own inner world of ideas and experiences.”[2]
People showing preference for extraversion are typically interested in “the outer world of people and activity,” whereas those introverted “focus on their own inner world of ideas and experiences.”[2]
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Sensing vs. Intuition dichotomy
Sensing vs. Intuition dichotomy
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Sensing types take the “real and tangible” information of what’s actually happening whilst those intuitive souls like to stand back to view the bigger picture. They live in the world of possibilities; sensing types love fact.[3]
Sensing types take the “real and tangible” information of what’s actually happening whilst those intuitive souls like to stand back to view the bigger picture. They live in the world of possibilities; sensing types love fact.[3]
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Thinking vs. Feeling dichotomy
Thinking vs. Feeling dichotomy
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Those with thinking preference will “look at the logical consequences of a choice or action,” whereas those with feeling preference “like to consider what is important to them and to others involved.”[4]
Those with thinking preference will “look at the logical consequences of a choice or action,” whereas those with feeling preference “like to consider what is important to them and to others involved.”[4]
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Judging vs. Perceiving dichotomy
Judging vs. Perceiving dichotomy
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Structured, organised, and decisive. These are all attributes of those who have judging preference over perceiving. Perceivers, on the other hand, “like to live in a flexible, spontaneous way, seeking to experience and understand life, rather than control it.”[5]
Structured, organised, and decisive. These are all attributes of those who have judging preference over perceiving. Perceivers, on the other hand, “like to live in a flexible, spontaneous way, seeking to experience and understand life, rather than control it.”[5]
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Being an ENFP, I can expect to be almost a rank opposite of an ISTJ though none of the sixteen categories above is mutually exclusive. For example, no one is totally extraverted or intuitive. We all tend to exhibit a ‘blend’ of each function; it is very rare for someone to be totally at one end of a dichotomy. For instance, my wife is introverted yet loves fellowship with people at church and being part of group activity. I’m extraverted but like a lot of time to myself to think, be creative, and reflect on my experience of life. In these ways, we both exhibit part of the opposite end of the dichotomy uncharacteristic to our personality type. So, it’s not a perfect science, and people are easily fooled by “boxing” others tightly. We’re all unique, and the MBTI doesn’t set out to categorise us perfectly.
Being an ENFP, I can expect to be almost a rank opposite of an ISTJ though none of the sixteen categories above is mutually exclusive. For example, no one is totally extraverted or intuitive. We all tend to exhibit a ‘blend’ of each function; it is very rare for someone to be totally at one end of a dichotomy. For instance, my wife is introverted yet loves fellowship with people at church and being part of group activity. I’m extraverted but like a lot of time to myself to think, be creative, and reflect on my experience of life. In these ways, we both exhibit part of the opposite end of the dichotomy uncharacteristic to our personality type. So, it’s not a perfect science, and people are easily fooled by “boxing” others tightly. We’re all unique, and the MBTI doesn’t set out to categorise us perfectly.
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The key to happiness in relationships is understanding. We all need to understand firstly ourselves, and certainly too, our partner. Knowing preferences can give us important cues and clues regarding how to treat them and how to interact with them. It helps us not judge them ignorantly but enlightens us to be the best partner we can be for them; the law of reciprocity dictates that when we reach toward them, they in turn will reach toward us in some way. We get what we give, and we will tend to reap what we sow. So, we need to get to know our partner’s type and make basic adjustments to meet their basic needs the way they basically prefer. In the process we find a sort of joy that is difficult to explain, but is simply derived in love.
The key to happiness in relationships is understanding. We all need to understand firstly ourselves, and certainly too, our partner. Knowing preferences can give us important cues and clues regarding how to treat them and how to interact with them. It helps us not judge them ignorantly but enlightens us to be the best partner we can be for them; the law of reciprocity dictates that when we reach toward them, they in turn will reach toward us in some way. We get what we give, and we will tend to reap what we sow. So, we need to get to know our partner’s type and make basic adjustments to meet their basic needs the way they basically prefer. In the process we find a sort of joy that is difficult to explain, but is simply derived in love.
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Copyright © 2008, S.J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Copyright © 2008, S.J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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ENDNOTES:
[1] Katharine Cook Myers (1875-1968) and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers (1897-1980) developed the MBTI, extending the ideas of innovative Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung (1875-1961). Myers was motivated to develop the MBTI as a legacy of witnessing the waste of World War II.
[2] Isabel Briggs Myers, Introduction to Type: A Guide to Understanding Your Results on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, 6th edition, revised by Linda K. Kirby and Katharine D. Myers. (Mountain View, California: CCP Inc., 1998), p. 6.
[3] Ibid, p. 6.
[4] Ibid, p. 7.
[5] Ibid, p. 7.
[1] Katharine Cook Myers (1875-1968) and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers (1897-1980) developed the MBTI, extending the ideas of innovative Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung (1875-1961). Myers was motivated to develop the MBTI as a legacy of witnessing the waste of World War II.
[2] Isabel Briggs Myers, Introduction to Type: A Guide to Understanding Your Results on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, 6th edition, revised by Linda K. Kirby and Katharine D. Myers. (Mountain View, California: CCP Inc., 1998), p. 6.
[3] Ibid, p. 6.
[4] Ibid, p. 7.
[5] Ibid, p. 7.
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