Saturday, April 26, 2008

Let the Good Times Roll

Do you ever get the feeling that you never want a good time to end, hoping that a weekend or holiday experience could ensure longer than planned? Indefinitely...? I know I do this.
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There’s no reason to mourn like this... yes, that’s right, it’s a mourning experience to do this. We’ve left the present moment, ironically, to visit a place in our mind called “the future”. This "place" must come of course, but not now.
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Living in the present is very difficult to do sometimes, especially as a good time draws to a close and you must prepare to say goodbye to a loved one, or go back to work. But it is essential to happiness. Thinking of the bleak future will only bring sadness and discontentment to your soul and spoil an otherwise fine time.
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It’s surprising how many song renditions there are of the two linked lyrical versions of ‘Let the Good Times Roll.’ These songs seem to promote that happiness is peace to the soul and peace for everyone else -- this is at least partially true. It also shows how much we human beings love to be in control of our own destinies. We are pleasure-seeking creatures and when we’re never really sated.
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But, what can we do to reach satisfaction and remain satisfied?
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Enter the power of the mind. The mind needs to be trained to enjoy the present no matter how that present is currently interpreted by you. The mind can also be trained to focus on what is pleasantly anticipated in the future -- a future hope. In living terms, this future hope is usually something that we look forward to in the coming days or weeks, and can extend to months in the case of a wedding or overseas holiday.
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Almost anything can be achieved through discipline of the mind. It’s infinitely worth the investment. Training your mind is a simple question of discipline; persist and a trained mind you’ll soon have.
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Stay in the present no matter the activity. It’s not only possible to be happy in the present as the good time ends, it’s also possible to be happy in the not-so-good time you aren’t looking forward to. Besides another good time is probably only around the corner.
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Painful Lessons From A Father - A Confession

By Dennis Harting

It seems like you are making the right decision. The road that you are going down seems less fearful. Difficulty is certain heading along the other path. We know that this choice is best. There are so many ways to justify this decision. In your mind, it is the right thing to do for your child. Of only you had the foresight to see the peril in your decision.

I write these words from experience. There was a time when I stood at the same crossroad. My choices were identical: to stay or to go. Being young and immature, my rationalization led me to leave. Her mother did not have the luxury of a choice. Although I justified it in my own mind, there is no reason to abandon a child. Succumbing to fear will never lead to a healthy conclusion. It is the utmost in selfish behavior.

All around me I see men making the same choice. It saddens me deeply, because I know the results of their choice. Today, I have the insight I lacked so many years ago. Hindsight is indeed 20/20. If I had to do it all over again, I would choose the other path. The one I selected turned out to be the more difficult one. It is wrought with pain and frustration. Once you walk out that door, it is extremely treacherous to get back in. We can make up for a lot in life; time is not one of those things.

I see so many that believe they are doing the right thing by leaving. The most common argument is that I cannot make enough money here. Another is about not being able to get along with the mother. Both those situations may be true. However, they do not apply to one's relationship with his child. Your child cares little about the money you make. Nor does that child really care about the toys-his/hers or yours. And once you leave the house, the relationship with the mother is secondary. What matters is being there for your offspring. That is paramount.

Children are resilient. They adapt to the circumstances around them. Whatever form the family dynamics take, they will adjust. The question is how well will you be able to adjust? Do not be surprised if you learn that your decision created a host of other factors you never envisioned. Are your ready to live with the pain of those factors? Since it is likely you are unaware of the potential pitfalls of your choice, the odds of you being prepared for them is minimal.

My experience is that you need to forgo the money. Also, do what is necessary to get along with the mother. Stop hanging with your buddies and be responsible. Get off the alcohol/drugs so that you can be a father. This is the most reasonable option you have. If you choose to continue as you are doing, your road ahead will be a lot bumpier.

There was a time when I chose to leave my child's life. That single choice removed me from my daughter for the first 5 years. She did not even know that I existed. During that time, another man walked into her life who became "dad" to her. To this day, he is still referred to as that even though she understands my biological connection to her. It is something that I live with everyday of my life. My choice led me to give up my position as my child's father.

After I garnered enough courage to try to resolve the situation with my daughter, it was too late. Stepping in after 5 years is an impossibility. Although I had the courts approving my re-emergence, I did not have my child's. Her entire world was shook to it's foundation. Someone of that age has a tough time understanding what is transpiring. In her mind, I was a disruption to the only world she knew. This instilled a lot of fear which manifested as anger. We are often unaware of how deeply our decisions can affect out children.

If you think the path back in was easy, think again. It took another 5-6 years before my daughter was somewhat tolerant of me. As mentioned, I am still not "dad" to her. And I never will be. That role was sacrificed by my decision. I also had to accept that I have no hope of ever having the type of relationship with her that my father does with my sister. That is reserved for the one who chose to be in her life even though this child was not biologically his.

The only hope that I have is to be a friend to her. My job now is to love her in whatever capacity she allows me. I offer my support for her with the expectation of nothing in return. I am entitled to nothing in this relationship. It was me that chose to leave. I am a guest in her life and am relegated to behaving as such. My rights went out the window the day I made that ill-fated decision. The courts may say one thing, but the mind of a jilted child will say something totally different. In the end, it is only her viewpoint that matters.

So you have the decision to stay or go. I know how much easier the road of going looks. Do not be fooled. It truly is the tougher route to take. This one decision will affect you the rest of your days. Learn from my experience and be sure to get it right. It matters little what your relationship with your child's mother is like. The best I hope for is amicable in that department. Money is no substitute for the love of a father regardless of how much it is. All your present selfish wants and desires might satisfy you now, but they will leave a big hole in you in the future. That, I can guarantee you.

There is only one choice here; that is to remain. Be a part of that child's life. This is not to say that you should stay with the mother. Some people simply do not belong together. Two people who are at each other's throats fail to create a proper home for a child. Often it is best for all involved to part ways. However, being a part of that child(ren)'s life is always the best choice.

I say all this not so much for his/her sake, but for yours. I can only speak as one who abandoned my child and the pain is caused in my life. It is not something that I would wish upon another man. Not only do I feel the suffering within me but it is doubled when I consider the pain that I inflicted upon her. My decision affected someone who was completely innocent in the situation. I can assure you this is not something that you want to live with.

Learn from my mistake. It will save you an untold amount of suffering. You fail to realize the catastrophic consequences of your decision to leave. It is easy to do; I fell prey to it also. However, hindsight led me to write this for your sake. My bed is made. I accept the lifelong consequences of my horrific decision so many years ago. Yet I hope you choose the opposite track. If this can help just one person avoid this perilous state, then my experience didn't go for naught. Give yourself and your child a tremendous gift by choosing to be a part of his/her life. I can tell you from experience that you will regret not doing so.


Dennis Harting is the Head Coach at Your Rich Life. He is an acclaimed speaker, trainer, and best-selling author. His books include Your Easiest Million and The Ultimate Procrastination Handbook. His programs and more information can be found at http://www.yourrichlifeinc.com/

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LEST WE FORGET – Ode to Keeping Faith

The term “LEST WE FORGET” is synonymous with ANZAC and general war tradition. How incredible it is to think the powerful images of the losses of war still send tremors of respect through the minds of those left behind for those who were felled -- for the fallen.
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Lest we forget those who gave their lives in supreme acts of courage; lest we also forget, our very human nature to take for granted the divine providence of material and spiritual blessing that these men (and many women also) fought to protect. Humanity has a very patchy history regarding its innate propensity to utterly forget God and make up its own imperialist ideas, running the show itself.
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Time and again throughout history we’ve shown that we ‘divide and conquer’ to our peril, and this is the lament Rudyard Kipling sought to convey in his 5-stanzaed “Recessional,” featuring the refrain, “LEST WE FORGET.” You see, this tradition that Kipling started is established and rooted in ‘fear of God’. We fear God and everything goes well; we fear him not and our kingdoms are compromised and eventually destroyed.
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Kipling is perhaps seeing a time when the British Empire might follow the typical ways that all other empires have -- those who have forgotten their God. It reveals underlying sadness and lament at the thought. What does it say about our kingdoms and our dictatorships? What threat of imperialism do we endure? Let us not forget to keep the faith, particularly of those who are unable to defend themselves.
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The “Ode of Remembrance” (by Lawrence Binyon, c. 1914) is featured commonly regarding ANZAC tradition, particularly its third and fourth verses:
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They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.
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They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
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RUDYARD KIPLING'S "RECESSIONAL"
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GOD of our fathers, known of old,
Lord of our far-flung battle line,
Beneath whose awful hand we hold
Dominion over palm and pine—
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
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The tumult and the shouting dies;
The Captains and the Kings depart;
Still stands Thine ancient sacrifice,
An humble and a contrite heart.
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
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Far-called our navies melt away;
On dune and headland sinks the fire;
Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
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If, drunk with sight of power, we loose
Wild tongues that have not Thee in awe,
Such boastings as the Gentiles use,
Or lesser breeds without the Law—
Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!
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For heathen heart that puts her trust
In reeking tube and iron shard—
All valiant dust that builds on dust,
And guarding calls not Thee to guard.
For frantic boast and foolish word,
Thy Mercy on Thy People, Lord!
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LEST WE FORGET the fallen, and our God!
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Simply Perfecting Your Speech

Summary:
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Everyone has problems with controlling what they say, every person. Yet, we can improve our ability to speak well with work and focus. Think of how good your relationships would be and how much respect you would command. You’d be universally liked.
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Keywords:
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Speech,wisdom,courage,relationships,respect,listening,communication,speaking well,tongue.
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ARTICLE
This is not so much about elocution, or nerves, but it’s everything to do with control over what we say. Most of us put our feet in our mouths, or we all say the wrong thing, or upset people, at least occasionally.
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Two rules on speech are:
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1. Say less generally. You’d be amazed at how much training goes in for people on communication skills that’s related to listening. It’s a common cause of communication and relationship breakdown -- failure to listen. Listening is not hard to learn per se but it requires much discipline.
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When you think about it, saying less and listening more actually relieves us of pressure to think of what to say. We’d get in less trouble by not saying the wrong things, or by not saying the right things at the wrong time, or in the wrong way. We also set ourselves apart to the ones we listen to as being more respectful and caring. That’s a great result!
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2. Speak only when asked to respond, or to not fail others by omission.

Speech is quite easy in theory. 1) Don’t say anything unless it will contribute positively, 2) Speak up if you really need to, for instance, to warn others (through non-omission, i.e. tell them something that you don’t have to, but you know will help) and to defend others. How often do people speak about others out-of-turn and the absent cannot defend themselves -- but, you can be their quiet defender. Don’t you just love that ‘goose-bumps’ feeling you get from standing up for others?
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Speech was never really designed to be used to defend or boast of ourselves, yet we all seem to do abuse speech in these ways. Our challenge is to discipline our desires for kudos by speaking less, listening more, and using speak to build others up and not tear them down. Think of how good your relationships could be and how much respect you could command. Now, that’s kudos worth striving for... as the old Proverb says, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.”
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Simply 3 Things to Cause Success (and 3 Things to Avoid Doing)

Summary:
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I learned this recently in an epiphanic moment; it came to me as a sort of formula. These are basic things, but don’t overlook the wisdom of these things simply because I’m not making a big song and dance about them. They’re states of mind to carry with you one day at a time... one moment at a time. Practise makes more perfect.
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Keywords:
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Success,wisdom,focus,simplicity,courage,relationships,plan,values,roles,goals,happiness,epiphany.
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ARTICLE
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I love learning. This is something I learned recently, in fact 19-days ago it came to me as a sort of formula. These are basic things, so I’ll get right down to it. Don’t overlook the wisdom of these things simply because I’m not making a big song and dance about them. They’re states of mind to carry with you one day at a time... one moment at a time. Practise makes more perfect.
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Three (3) things causing success:
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Be an “overcomer”:
Whatever challenges come your way you can overcome them -- every one of them. This is not simply theory. But, it requires courage, and take heart, courage, like any character quality, can be grown.
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Keep Life Simple:
Don’t overly complicate things including relationships and plans. Be easy to satisfy. Take your time through life. Don’t over-commit yourself -- again, courage helps here.
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Get and remain focused:
Focus is difficult to achieve, yet your will alone can get you to focus very powerfully. Focus is achieved when you have:
1) your values sorted,
2) your roles (and relationships with self, family, work, God) all working, and
3) meaningful goals that give you purpose, drive, resilience, and joy to power you through life.
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But, wait, there’s still more...
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Three (3) things to avoid:
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Stop complaining:
We all complain. It’s human nature. To counteract our propensity to complain we need to become unconsciously competent praisers. If we complain in our heart, we will end up spewing out the words at some point. Defeat the temptation to complain with praise and thanksgiving.
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Stop compromising:
This is a terrible thing. Compromise really is at the root of all evil. Think about it, the moment we compromise our standards is the moment we give birth to laziness, greed, envy... the list goes on. To stop compromising we need to discipline our minds by becoming aware as the temptation to compromise hits, and then with the will of the mind, take the firm road to a harder, sounder decision.
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Stop being indecisive:
Indecision along with worry is a great energy waster. It’s often a contributor to what I call “mental fog.” As I mentioned above, we need the will of the mind to be decisive and to trust our instincts. We also need courage to make decisions.
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

The IPL Revolution! Here Comes the Cricket. Who’ll Win IPL 2008?

The Twenty20 game seems to have to come of age overnight. The best players, a fast game, animated franchise owners, passionate fans, cheerleaders, and big money. A lifelong cricket fan looks at this game and immediately gets excited that cricket has made it to the big-time ranks like American baseball, football or basketball.
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What’s the successful formula? Well, to begin with it’s great uniforms, all the name players, a smart format, and boundaries and wickets from the first ball. To see a team bat first, the Deccan Chargers with Laxman, Gilchrist, Afridi, Symonds and Sharma in its top five; to see these players normally so competitive against each other, suddenly teammates, is quite a departure from traditional thinking -- but IPL is anything but “traditional.” The other side (Rajasthan Royals) is captained by Shane Warne, arguably the best captain never to officially captain his country.
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Suddenly there are other countries looking at the concept. Could we see two or perhaps three of these tournaments per year, every year? Could this format squeeze out the more traditional Test and One-Day formats? Could we see teams fielded from cities across the world?
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What I think is brilliant about this development is it is exciting. All the colour, all the razzmatazz, and all the quality players from all different countries, all in one spot, playing ‘a sort of hybrid world cup.’
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Will the world embrace this game? India sure has. I’m up at 1.10 A.M. watching this game, but that’s no real surprise. Cricket is a game that brings the spirit alive!
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Who'll win it? Rank outsiders Rajasthan are my tip.
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Truth About Weakness & The Sufficiency of Grace

"Three times I appealed to the Lord about this [thorn in the flesh of Satan], that it would leave me, but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for [my] power is made perfect in weakness.' So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong."
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2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NRSV) [added information]
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INTRODUCTION
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Paul's theology of weakness is propounded throughout the letter of 2 Corinthians. He corrects the false Corinthian perception and understanding of what the 'true' gospel Christian life consists of. Christianity is not triumphalism for its sake alone. It's a quieter, assured resilience in the power of God. It's both bolder and relevant to the 'eternal' world. It gives us power to do good, and strength to be noble. It is paradoxical. When we are weak, we are ironically at our strongest. Most people do not understand this power that comes from God.
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DISCUSSION
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There are many hooks with which this message of Paul's seeks to anchor onto. Paul's message of grace-strength in weakness is consistent with the theology in his other letters, for instance Philippians, with regard to working in the strength of Christ.[1] Further, in Romans 7 and 8, Paul speaks of his frustrations with sin and also of the power of God to help take us anywhere we need to be, and certainly deliver our final hope. Indeed, in every one of his letters he speaks of this power of God requisite in the spirit of each faithful believer; the power of grace (viz, divine provision and power). It's clear that this form of grace is not about 'forgiveness,' but about 'life eternal'; i.e. the spiritual life. In this way Paul shows the consistency of his thought and a common thread through his epistles.
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Paul effectively links this part of his conclusion to the Corinthians to the very start of his first canonical letter contrasting human wisdom with God's. The key schema is God's "power [and wisdom and possibly even favour] is manifested in the weak."[2] (Italics added for emphasis.) This was directly at odds with his opponents who thought God naturally favoured the strong. This was the root cause of the Corinthian dilemma it seemed. The Corinthians typically treated Christ as lord of blessing, and sought to understand the gospel message in ways of true Greek philosophical understanding; that is, in triumph, with complete autonomy and freedom, and without accountability, and certainly no criticism. It is clear that they had missed the point of Christ's suffering and death for their lives. That God might have had a purpose in suffering, and that weakness might also be a way toward knowing and experiencing greater wisdom, power, and favour was lost on these early, budding believers. This particular passage in question (12:8-10) emphasises this linkage of irony and truth with 1 Corinthians 1:26-31, in my view, book-ending the Corinthian corpus.
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A THORN IN THE FLESH
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We all have 'thorns in the flesh.' These are manifested in many ways, from limitations in abilities[3] (which everyone has) to physical or mental disabilities, which are permanent or semi-permanent impairments (which comparatively few have). Paul names his problem or torment as a 'messenger of Satan' because it presumably hinders his work for the gospel.[4] For Paul, it might have been that his thorn (Greek word skolops, i.e. a "serious annoyance" like a continual splinter or bee sting) was a form of "divine protection" against pride.[5] He was gifted spiritually with the ability to receive visions and revelations and this could have been adulterated through his own selfish boasting. And this is Paul's argument. He thanks God for it -- the thorn, for he recognises its role. Likewise, if God gave us natural abilities and they weren't harnessed, we'd most certainly abuse them -- and we often do anyway. It's why natural talent alone is never enough to succeed in any grand field of endeavour. It must be accompanied with the right attitude and temperament, character no less. If we boast, we boast then in things worthy of boasting about.
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The section, "My grace is sufficient for you," is put in a very definite sense. What Jesus is actually saying is "not subject to change or revision."[6] It is final. Paul had to get used to the idea of his 'thorn in the flesh' but had the provision of grace (divine power) to overcome whatever Satan (or his own desires) threw at him. The level of grace was sufficient to get him through, in all cases. This grace required weakness on Paul's part to work. This divine power couldn't be perfected or brought to completion without weakness and suffering.[7] It is perfect irony. If Paul decided to be 'strong' (by having stood in his own resources) the grace provided would have been ineffective as he simply wouldn't have drawn from it. He'd choose to be self-sufficient. We all might recognise this 'self-strong' situation personally when leaving the 'straight path' God gives us. God's provision of grace (divine power) only works when we maintain a 'straight path' as mentioned in Proverbs 2-4, which is dependence on God and not on our own understanding.[8] The thought of straying from the roadway at 100 kilometres per hour should provide a salient and troublesome image of the destruction that awaits us in leaving the 'straight path.' Leaving the spiritual path is no less costly; it mightn't be physical death but it is spiritual death for the time. But further to our leaning on God's understanding is the promise that Christ takes up residence in us when we're oppressed.[9] "Only to the extent that [Paul] embraces his human weakness does he 1) fully depend on and 2) qualify for God's power."[10]
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VICTORY OF FAITH -- SUFFICIENCY OF SPIRIT
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At times our faith fails us. And because we 'go it alone' we cannot seem to affect the change in our lives that we wish to see. Is it God's grace not being quite as 'sufficient' as we'd like it to be? Are we even drawing on the resources of his Spirit? God never promises to fix everything for us. He is not there to serve us and our wants. The refreshing thing is we instinctively know this is the truth. Paul attests to the truth we already know. God does not deliver us, or deliver for us, in the way we'd expect. The great thing in this is no matter what we suffer, grace (to handle what is before us) comes to our rescue. No wonder we're 'more than conquerors.'[11] Jesus said to his followers, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."[12] What an incredible concept it is, if we face things -- anything -- with courage, we have the resources of God's Spirit at our side. Why is there any need to undergo depressions and other spiritual ills? One reason: no matter how mature we get, we're never beyond Christ, who is moulding our characters each moment in history. Our role is to always strive to become overcomers, knowing his divine power is both promised and available. He will never ever leave us and never ever totally forsake us.
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Most people don't want to hear this gospel truth -- the need to overcome difficulties -- though. Why believe in God when he won't answer the way I want him to? What sort of world would we have if everyone had their own way? The real point of the gospel way is 'death to self means life for others.'[13] We can't have it both ways. If we die to self for others, others will die to their selves in order to give us life, surely. What we lose on the swings we pick up on the round-a-bouts; and we don't receive these 'pick-ups' from ourselves but from others.
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The point of verse 10 really is when and how the source of power is manifested. It's actually in weakness that Christ's strength and power is most noticeable. Weakness is not to be rejected or avoided; it's to be embraced without fear in the perfect faith that in it God's presence, power, and glory can be most demonstrated and seen. When we think about it, we have weakness, or better put, we are subject to weakness, endlessly. As "good as [courage and human strength] are, such qualities tend to push us to self-sufficiency and away from God-dependency."[14] When we accept and work with our present weakness (insults, persecutions, difficulties, and hardships) it shows we're patient beyond any worldly standard. This is exactly the show of Christ's power that honours the king of salvation.
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Perhaps the typical worldview of 'Christian' existence is what Mahatma Ghandi called "a negation of Christ's Christianity."[15] This devout Hindu could see that Christian believers not living in weakness were ineffectual for the gospel because they simply didn't resemble Jesus! Ghandi was quoted as criticising Westernised approaches to Christian organisation, worship, and modern ministry, imploring Christians to "simply cling to the Sermon on the Mount."[16] It's a mystifying incongruity that Jesus' key teaching is so often ignored by practicing Christians. We look at it and shake our heads. How do we truly live this Christian life? Surely it doesn't need to be this way, or this hard, does it? Yet, it's in living Matthew 5-7 that we gain the real meaning to gospel living. It was Jesus who said we must lose our life to save it, after all.
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In the final analysis, Paul faced mounting pressure from people who considered themselves 'better' apostles of Christ's word. Having not been commissioned by human authorities, Paul was tasked to minister to the Corinthians by Christ. He needn't have defended himself. But "by setting out the divine principle of power manifested in weakness, Paul has at once defended his own claim to apostleship and cut the ground from under the claims of his opponents."[17] In relating his trials with the Corinthians, not only does Paul present the truth, and teach it no less, what he says vindicates his very person. He is both model example and self-illustrator.
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We read this 'tearful letter,' both emotionally and inspirationally. 2 Corinthians is brutally honest and forthright. It's Paul's response as he climbs back up from the canvas having been dealt a flurry of sharp blows! But, it is Paul who delivers the knock-out punch and it is truth that wins the day; a truth that was fundamental to the gospel.
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CONCLUSION
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This message of Paul's to the Corinthians is consistent and powerful. He recognises their poor understanding which is patently revealed in inconsistency and application of gospel living. The key to this misunderstanding seems to be addressed at least partially in what he communicates in 12:8-10. Paul learned by hard experience that Christian living is anything but easy and though Christians have access to the power of God, it is not for self-glory, but for God's. We draw strength for living despite what we're afflicted with.
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For every false prophet and evangelist preaching the 'prosperity doctrine' of health, wealth, and happiness for every Christian, Paul springs back with the insult of the cross of Christ. We have God's grace and that's enough[18] for us to deal with anything life can throw at us; it is that and so much more.
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Copyright © 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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KEY QUESTIONS
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1. Do you have a 'thorn in the flesh,' in the form of a temptation or physical ailment, a disability or simply an inability to do something, and if so, how do you counter it?
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2. When did you last read Matthew 5-7 and reflect on its meaning in your life? If you read it recently, which parts caused you most consternation? How could you live more in line with Jesus' core teaching contained within the Sermon on the Mount?
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3. This theology of strength in weakness doesn't sound very saleable for Christianity does it? Yet, when we consider that we have these 'thorns' whether we like it or not, why is it that more non-believers don't convert to Christ, when he is clearly the answer?
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REFERENCES
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[1] See particularly Philippians 4:12-13, "I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." (NRSV)
[2] C.L. Kruse, 2 Corinthians - The Second Epistle of Paul to the Corinthians, Tyndale New Testament Commentaries, (Leicester, England & Grand Rapids, Michigan: InterVarsity Press & Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.), p. 207.
[3] See Multiple Intelligences theory. Howard Gardner posited this theory in the 1983 publication, Frames of Minds, and designated intelligence into eight broad areas: body smart, group (interpersonal) smart, math/logic smart, music smart, nature smart, picture smart, self (intrapersonal) smart, and word smart. It is usually expected that everyone is 'smart' in three areas, and 'not so smart' in another three.
[4] L.L. Belleville, 2 Corinthians - The IVP New Testament Commentary Series, (Leicester, England: InterVarsity Press, 1996), p. 308.
[5] F.J. Matera, II Corinthians - A Commentary, The New Testament Library, (Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press), p. 282.
[6] L.L. Belleville, Ibid, p. 308.
[7] F.J. Matera, Ibid, p. 284.
[8] See Proverbs 2:13; 3:6; and, 4:11.
[9] F.J. Matera, Ibid, p. 285.
[10] C.S. Keener, 1-2 Corinthians - The New Cambridge Bible Commentary, (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2005), p. 239.
[11] See Romans 8:37.
[12] John 16:33b (NIV)
[13] See also 2 Corinthians 4:10-12 as Paul talks about the treasure within our jars of clay.
[14] L.L. Belleville, Ibid, p. 311.
[15] R.L. Deats, Mahatma Ghandi: Non-violent Liberator; A Biography, (Hyde Park, New York: New City Press, 2005), p. 39. In this work the author also refers to Methodist missionary, E. Stanley Jones' enquiries of Ghandi and Ghandi's famous four statements that would augment Christianity's level of acceptance in India. Refer to my article "Message for Christians from an Indian Hindu".
[16] R.L. Deats, Ibid, p. 39-40.
[17] C.L. Kruse, Ibid, p. 208-9.
[18] H.S. Shoemaker, Strength in Weakness - A Lyrical Re-presentation of 2 Corinthians, (Nashville, Tennessee: Broadman Press), 164-5. The conclusion to this chapter is blunt.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

How to Date a Daughter

Being a separated father means I want to compensate for times not spent with my daughters. It’s something that wells up within me. There’s a desire to want to spend time with them, to support them, and to continue building our relationship. If you’re in a similar situation, i.e. you don’t have daily access to your children, and you want to enrich your relationship with your growing son or daughter I offer the following tips:
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Tell them how special they are to you often. I mention that I love my girls every time I see them, and certainly as we part company.
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Make it a point to discover what they love to do and then get involved with them in doing it. You can call it a date -- that is, special time for you as parent to spend time with them seeing the joy they experience in that activity. Make it special by adding loving surprises like a meal out. Kids love to be treated like responsible adults, especially teens.
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Sample dates can be from father/daughter balls, trips to the movies, going to the playground together, shopping dates, etc. There’s no limit to the things you can do. It just has to qualify as a desired activity for your child to do. (Your joy is driven from theirs!)
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I try and go on two or three such dates per child per year. The only limit really is time and money. But there are so many things you can do and not need any or much money.
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I try and ensure there is quality conversation on every date, particularly as they get older. For me, the teen years are a special time in a child’s life; they’re entering adulthood and it can potentially be a hugely positive time or precisely the opposite. Parents are custodians of their kids’ hearts.
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You know the best thing about dating your son or daughter is that you model a good relationship or friendship with them. You’re teaching them how to relate with people, how to have conversation, and how to love.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Fixing the Pain the Separated Father Feels

Divorce is a no-win situation for all parties. Separated fathers are often left alone and masculinity further isolates and erodes the man who’s suddenly had the rug of life pulled from under his feet. At a playground with my daughter recently, another father, Paul, started talking to me. He’d worked out that I’d been through divorce and he stated he’d been a lone father for the past ten months. He was ‘over the worst of it.’ I listened to him and detected a note of pain still within him. This is my advice to address and reduce the pain of separation:
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Look after your health.
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That is, attend to your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. The might seem like the hardest thing to do -- it can be so hard to focus consistently. It’s a pressing time psychologically. It’s the most important thing. Making time and space for your health and wellbeing is key.
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Ensure you have a good support network.
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Friends and relatives who you can share with are vital. You may find yourself needing to share your story, your grievances, and your sorrow over and over again. This is quite normal. You need to talk about it to bring about release. Don’t be afraid to cry; it’s therapeutic.
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Develop and use natural coping mechanisms.
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It’s amazing how many guys ‘turn to the bottle’ to cope with and try and solve their emotional problems. This is the worst thing to do. You’re going through a grieving process in your separation from spouse and children. This is a time to draw on and develop your natural coping mechanisms. If you already have a drinking or drug problem join AA or NA or some similar loving fellowship; they’ll look after you and teach you how to get through this, and how to approach life thereafter.
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When is it over?
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Many guys will say, “I’m over it,” but chances are you’re not. It can take years to get over separation and divorce. In fact, some say it can take one year of recovery for every four years that the relationship went for.[1] Yes, that’s right; it will probably take you three years to get over a twelve year relationship (based on the 1:4 ratio). It’s over when it’s over and not before time. Give yourself a break. Don’t commit yourself to another relationship (don’t even date) until you’re truly over the first relationship. It’s too much of a risk, for you, for the new/prospective partner, as well as for any children involved. Your situation can actually get messier.
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Financial strain needs to be managed.
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It’s tempting to think there’s a ‘money-grab’ on. Don’t fall for the thinking that “she’s only after my money.” She’s probably done all her grieving over the ending of the relationship over the past year or two. She’s ready to move on. Most women just want to get on with their lives and have only the need to ‘recover costs.’ Most separations only get ‘messy’ when partners squabble over money, and then it’s often the kids that suffer the most. Don’t fight over money. If she wants it, give it to her; trust me, you’ll be better off.
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You can’t afford for the cancer of a broken relationship to de-rail your entire life. Don’t do anything stupid. Surrounding yourself with those who can love and support you is vital to your long term recovery; even if you have no family or friends there are those around who WILL love you. Even though you might feel hopeless and like your life’s ending, you will recover from your present pain, but it will take time.
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Commit yourself to the love of your children; be their loving fatherly hero. They’ll be grieving like you but in a different way. Be there for them. Suffer with them; show them your love. Be selfless for them. Don’t do anything that will risk their health and happiness. If you do some of these things, you’ll not only survive in the medium- to long-term, but you’ll thrive too.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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This is the first of a series of articles on the subject, to support separated fathers.
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[1] S. Grissom, DivorceCare – Changed Lives, (Wake Forest, North Carolina: DivorceCare, Inc., 1996)

Proven Way to a Balanced Life

This subject is something that vexes seemingly everyone -- balance in life. The following information is scientifically-proven. It was discovered through studies of administrators and their quest for work/life balance. The subjects of the study were already stressed and sought to “bring balance back into their life.”[1]
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There is no simple answer in reality. Balance is something that doesn’t come without its share of sacrifice -- its own sacrifices. It means not hankering after material possessions, releasing the pressure to work obscene hours for the latest mod cons. It means being able to be still -- to be emotionally peaceful ironically requires emotional peace; the ability to be quiet and unstimulated for longer than a few minutes.
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These are the steps specified in the study referenced below. You might read this and think, ‘there’s nothing new in that,’ or ‘it makes so much sense.’ Whatever. Keeping your life simple and committing to these steps is ‘worth its weight in gold.’
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“The first step is to create a picture of how things could be, because real change always comes from the inside.
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"The second step is adjusting [your] attitude. Controlling [your] attitude is as important as controlling [your] actions.
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The third step is organizing [your] time, efforts, and priorities. These steps are not simplistic and may not be easy, but they are worth their weight in gold. [You] can use these steps to create individualized strategies that will support [your] vision.”
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

[1] Blackburn, Barbara R.; Womack, Jason W., From Vision to Reality: Leading a Balanced Life in Principal Leadership, Vol. 7 Number 8, pp. 34-37, April 2007

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Message for Christians from an Indian Hindu

MAHATMA GHANDI was a 20th Century humanitarian and political legend. Once quoted as being multi-religion-al, Ghandi was really a devout Hindu, but he had time for all people from all faiths. He had some insightful suggestions that all Christians could learn from.
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E. Stanley Jones, a Christian missionary to India, once asked Ghandi the following question: “How can we make Christianity naturalized in India, not a foreign thing, identified with a foreign government and a foreign people, but a part of the national life of India and contributing its power to India’s uplift?” Fair question. Jones was genuinely trying to learn something new from the man who became a good friend to him.
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Ghandi apparently responded to this question without hesitation, offering four pieces of advice; he’s quoted as saying, “First, I would suggest all of you Christians, missionaries and all, must begin to live more like Jesus Christ. Second, practice your religion without adulterating it or toning it down. Third, emphasize love and make it your working force, for love is central in Christianity. Fourth, study the non-Christian religions more sympathetically to find the good that is within them, in order to have a more sympathetic approach to the people.”[1]
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This answer is an amazing thing for Christian people to reflect upon. Without being condescending to Hindu’s and other faiths, you could almost see Jesus smile with approval as Ghandi spoke these words. It’s the raw truth.
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What do Christians have to offer the world if they can’t adhere to this four-pronged piece of advice? If Christians can’t live like Christ, and they tone down, dilute or disregard Jesus’ teaching, and if they can’t simply love, and show great tolerance and humility in learning about others and their philosophies, to please their God, what on earth can they offer?
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There is little to be said further on this topic. Everything that Ghandi said was Biblical. It simply requires humble reflection.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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[1] R.L. Deats, Mahatma Ghandi: Non-violent Liberator; A Biography, (Hyde Park, New York: New City Press, 2005), p. 39.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Using the 4-Way Test for Success

Decision-making is a tough art form; most people get it wrong from time to time. Decisions that don’t cater for everyone are likely to either threaten the success of the action or damage relationships. The 4-Way Test of Rotary International corrects this. This system is used to ensure decision-making is consistently fair and just; a discipline for everyone regarding the things we ought to think, say and do. This system has been used successfully for over 50 years so it will definitely assist anyone who applies it. It can help improve relationships, business efficiency, and others’ perception of you. It will also save you unnecessary pain, awkwardness, and re-work.
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The first question to ask is, “Is it the TRUTH?” Dealing with anything other than the truth is fraught with danger. You tell on the lie or it will tell on you! This means non-truth invariably comes out in the end and this almost certainly damages your credibility, not to mention the success of what you’re trying to achieve.
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The second question is: “Is it FAIR to all concerned?” If it is fair the decision being made will not offend anyone and is likely to advance respect and have sustainability. Can you imagine how you will be perceived when people see your high values toward fairness for all? It’s win-win.
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The third question is: “Will it BUILD GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?” We have no benefit in our lives from poor relationships. Yet, it is easy to build good relationships when we’re consistently building goodwill and better friendships by doing things for people that advance these values. The decision or action needs to be carried out in a way that creates, sustains, and augments friendship.
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The fourth question is: “Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?” This final test question is crucial and overarching in some ways. If you can’t do something for the benefit of all, or in a way that won’t benefit everyone you’ll probably be criticised and undermined. Some might think being able to please everyone is impossible, and perhaps so, but can you make it, or do it in a way that’s, of benefit to everyone? See how this is slightly different from pleasing everyone? There has to be benefit for everyone.
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Process: Your decisions need to attend to all four test questions. If you can answer “yes” only to two or three of the questions try and go back over the issue to see if it can be tweaked to a “yes” for all four. To work consistently, this method requires discipline and practise. All the commitment to practise will be worth it.
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Using this will bring success because it involves and demonstrates concern for people. It will create stepping stones or milestones for success as you apply it more and more.
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Most people fumble with personal and business relationships because they’re not consistently working with truth, they’re not fair to all; they don’t consider everyone they’re impacting on. The 4-Way Test is designed to counter all these faults and keep everyone basically happy while your required decision is implemented. Imagine less painful results and less re-work in your dealings with people. If you apply this consistently you will be amazed by the results.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Avoiding and Resolving “Midlife Crisis” Pain

There’s information everywhere on this subject. But it’s not everywhere you can find practical solutions to this problem. Midlife crises don’t affect everyone. But, it does affect you, or someone you love, right? It’s a period of psychological and emotional questioning and re-evaluation causing intense pain and sorrow. Carl Jung described it as “a condition of soul loss and recovery.”[1] The root cause is re-evaluation and the effect is a sense of hopelessness.
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Some practical solutions:
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~~ Remain optimistic. You’re invariably better off than you feel. Find time to have a chat with a friend or find someone objective to support you. But don’t lean on one person too much.
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~~ Exercise physically if possible. Nothing is better for our self-esteem and self-worth than exercise.
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~~ Re-evaluation -- remember that re-evaluation is a positive step; just ensure it remains positive and ensure it doesn’t become destructive.
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~~ Expectations -- check your expectations. Often we get disappointed and then depressed because we haven’t achieved what we hoped we would. Become pessimistically optimistic. Be realistic and don’t expect too much, but also be pleasantly “surprizable.”
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~~ Read about the problem and educate yourself. You never know where you’ll get the breakthrough information you need. For most people, this breakthrough information is part of a chain. You need multiple ‘links’ to get the full picture. Keep reading. Keep learning.
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~~ Live life one day at a time and appreciate the simple things. Be gentle on yourself. I find “The Desiderata” very good. Like “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen,” it presents such a balanced, universal view to life. It’s fair and objective and informative. These you can meditate over again and again.
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~~ Plan ahead: have things to look forward to. Plan a getaway weekend of healthy, feel-good activities. Write it down so you can feel good just thinking about this time ahead. “Soak” in this feeling.
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Getting through a painful time like midlife crisis is worth it -- hope is suddenly restored and new life is realised from within you. You are challenged and you learn new skills. Don’t forget to keep searching; never give up. Release is probably just around the corner.
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Your pain is normal. In fact, there are many more in our ageing society suffering the same as you are. Remaining balanced, realistic and in control is the key to psychological health at any stage in life, and it’s no different during this phase of midlife blues. Hope is the key. Re-establishing your hope for life and what you are yet to achieve much is crucial.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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[1] C.M. Smith, Jung and Shamanism in Dialogue: Retrieving the Soul / Retrieving the Sacred, (New York, Mahwah, New Jersey: Trafford Publishing, 2007), p. 5.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Forgiveness Acrostic

Absolution of wrongs brings life almost every time.
Begging for forgiveness shows a heart that’s been made right and is ready for it.
Clemency is pled for and granted when Light comes to interaction.
Discharge is both effort and release... but best is release.
Exoneration is acquittal, an act of amnesty in creation.
Freedom is sovereignty, make no bones about it.
Grace is the greatest gift. It speaks fundamentally about love, a supreme and holy love.
Hallelujah is simply ‘praise the Lord,’ a pleasant attitude of grace.
I forgive myself. The least condemning thing you can ever do.
Justice is served in letting the grudge go, but not the consequence. It’s a form of fairness.
Kindness is one of the greatest gifts of love. Forgiving someone is one of the kindest acts.
Liberate me from what holds me without love.
Mercy is compassion that drives the heart forward in the action of love.
Negotiate through life. Be prepared to give and then give some more.
Offenses are never an issue for the prudent who love. Get beyond offense and live.
Pardon is more than manners. It’s the way to release someone for God’s use later.
Quietude is granted to the soul when freedom comes.
Released: Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, we’re free at last!
Self-determination is the right of the citizen who earns grace in the sight of the God.
Thanks: the parent virtue... it’s a ‘forgiveness facilitator.’ Thank extravagantly.
Unshackled from anything holding you? When it happens it brings cause for much praise.
Veneration is from the saved heart, the heart that knows the fullness of life itself.
Worldly standards are perfectly transcended in the heavenly grace of true forgiveness.
X is a kiss. Kiss and make up. Sometimes it’s the best way; sometimes it’s the only way.
Yield at a time when pride wants this thing ‘your way,’ the way of stubbornness. It’s not yours to keep. Giving forgiveness is simply returning to God what is his in the first place -- grace.
Zealous competition is defused and envying is a thing of the past with forgiveness.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Poem for Inner Peace that Lasts

Why fret over the immoral, they’re but a vapour,
They’re grass that’s often mowed, there’s no reason for envy, for they’ll soon be cut down,
Trust, delight in and commit yourself to your Higher Power,
And righteousness, justice and equity will soon be yours.

Don’t fret for any reason it only brings you undone,
It’s only the meek, and those who hope and wait on God who’ll end up inheriting the land,
Just know the peace that transcends human understanding,
The Lord laughs at those who go against you, cutting them off... trust him and see.

It’s better to have nothing and know God, really it is,
For less is more and more is less in God’s economy, as he gives and takes away,
He gives life to his giving set-apart ones, as they live for others,
But the taking selfish others vanish like smoke without an affirming memory.

Fear’s only fitting when it’s toward God,
Awesome respect for this life, his wonder, plus his provision and care,
The way to keep faith with him is not spending time with the corrupt,
Being prudent regarding who you knock around with is vital.

We’re never always right and often we’re wrong,
There’s nothing wrong with that,
Sometimes when you’re wrong you can be handled as if you were right all along,
It’s having a commitment to grow all through life that matters.

Trust yourself to the Lord,
And wait patiently for him,
He’ll show you the way to wisdom and life for others,
And release you from the hell of self you live in today.

For the hell of self is a trap for all,
Delighting in the Lord however, is the key to a fulfilling life,
Play by his rules of grace and truth,
And godly virtues, joys and pleasures will soon be all yours.

© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
This poem was inspired on Psalm 37 of David.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Apologising to 100 Years of Stolen Generations

Thankfully an Australian Prime Minister finally did it; apologising for the tremendous injustices done to Indigenous peoples of the land called nowadays, Australia. On February 13, 2008, Kevin Rudd publicly said sorry on behalf of all Australians. He went as far as anyone could reasonably go investing in the future of racial reconciliation. This began to address the deep hurt that many ‘stolen children’ directly affected have felt and feel still today.
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The bases and motivation behind ‘stealing’ generations of Indigenous peoples in Australia is downright wicked. It’s separatist and elitist ideology. It’s Satanic. To think that children were forcibly removed from their homes kicking and screaming, many times never to see their mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers again, absolutely defies words. It should never have happened.
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What this society is left with, as a legacy, is an Indigenous people who struggle for personal and cultural identity. Still today, there are thousands of Indigenous Australians that grapple with the meaning to life. Such is their recent heritage they have little to base their person on. White man, this is the very core to being! Be an Indigenous person for one day; think of their parents, grandparents, and the hundreds in their communities they consider equally ‘mum,’ ‘dad,’ ‘brother,’ and ‘sister.’ Imagine being an alien every day, without the source of confidence in ‘who you are.’ Imagine feeling like an alien in your own land. Think of white man’s culture invasion. Think of having your right to choice removed.
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In Australia, Indigenous men die on average 17 years earlier than other Australian men. That is 59 years compared with 76 years. I know of a Noongar group, the Waangkininy Health in Peel (WHIP), who meet and discuss such issues, and how to support Indigenous people and “close the gap” between the Indigenous and other Australians in health. (Every Australian deserves the same opportunities regarding health, education, and future.) Their goal is to reconcile their past as a means of creating an integrative future.
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All Australians should be appalled at our performance from 1869-1969.[1] Conversely, all Australians, and all citizens of the world, should applaud the courage and integrity of Mr Rudd in finally removing a major road block to racial reconciliation in Australia.
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What I leave you with is Australia’s apology delivered by Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd:
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~~ Today we honour the Indigenous peoples of this land, the oldest continuing cultures in human history.
~~ We reflect on their past mistreatment.
~~ We reflect in particular on the mistreatment of those who were Stolen Generations - this blemished chapter in our nation's history.
~~ The time has now come for the nation to turn a new page in Australia's history by righting the wrongs of the past and so moving forward with confidence to the future.
~~ We apologise for the laws and policies of successive Parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians.
~~ We apologise especially for the removal of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their families, their communities and their country.
~~ For the pain, suffering and hurt of these Stolen Generations, their descendants and for their families left behind, we say sorry.
~~ To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry.
~~ And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry.
~~ We the Parliament of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of the nation.
~~ For the future we take heart; resolving that this new page in the history of our great continent can now be written.
~~ We today take this first step by acknowledging the past and laying claim to a future that embraces all Australians.
~~ A future where this Parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again.
~~ A future where we harness the determination of all Australians, Indigenous and non-Indigenous, to close the gap that lies between us in life expectancy, educational achievement and economic opportunity.
~~ A future where we embrace the possibility of new solutions to enduring problems where old approaches have failed.
~~ A future based on mutual respect, mutual resolve and mutual responsibility.
~~ A future where all Australians, whatever their origins, are truly equal partners, with equal opportunities and with an equal stake in shaping the next chapter in the history of this great country, Australia.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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[1] According to Wikipedia (which is becoming increasing authoritative) the “Stolen Generations” period lasted 100 years though there are reported cases of indigenous children still being taken into the 1970s.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Antidote to Overload: When We Opt Out of Life

"When you're dealing with a hundred [decisions] each morning you reach a point where you become distracted and less creative because you start to get impatient and irritable.
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You end up turning your back on opportunities simply because you're overloaded and it's too much to handle. And that bad feeling of 'I just can't take it anymore' leads to diminished efficiency, less open-mindedness and flexibility, and less ability to use your uniquely human capacities to their best advantage."
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-Dr. Edward Hallowell, ADHD specialist and researcher
http://www.wellofwisdom.com/human-nature/0/quotes-cat.html
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There are times when I know I have to leave the office and get some fresh air. These are times when I’ve not adequately protected myself from the barrage of work that at times comes my way. I sense the need to ‘release my mind’ and I go and find a gentle park with its green trees to convalesce.
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What does the above quote say about our typical approach to work and to life today? I often wonder how many of us, and how often, we breach our limits. It’s a healthy thing to desire and find release. I wonder how many don’t do this however. How many people stay on the adrenalin band wagon suppressing important neurotransmitters like serotonin? This is a dangerous cycle to get caught up on. Suppressing the release and normal function of serotonin for instance can have drastic effects on sleep and can also bring on mood disorders, for instance, depression.
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Of course, the major problem with the suppression of these important neurotransmitters is they make us search for artificial means of feeling good. Bring in alcohol and other drugs. See a cycle forming? Alcohol and other drugs don’t do anywhere near as good a job as the body’s natural chemicals and they also create other problems like addiction and they highlight social issues, not the least of which might be breaking the law to keep the habit going.
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There is nothing quite like never needing an artificial chemical to do a job the body can do for itself. We must learn coping strategies for life stressors. We need to find peace in the midst of our busy days. We need to recognise the danger signs in stress and anxiety and choose a natural form of coping over the artificial.
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Are you on the slippery slope?
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Revealing Bumper Stickers – What They Say About You

WHILST INNOCENTLY driving my car along a busy highway at peak hour the other day, looking for something to distract me from the growing impatience threatening my peace, I noticed a utility truck in the lane to the right. It was festooned with stickers proclaiming ‘this’ and advocating ‘that’. There was something about it that drew my attention... Objective achieved! I was distracted. The truck was filthy with light brown mud all over it, and there was one sticker in particular that gave the owner up. It read, ‘Thank a farmer for your next meal.’ I thought, “Yes... I will.”
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Bumper stickers can potentially tell us so much about the person who owns or drives a vehicle can’t they? What stickers do you have on your vehicle? It’s the same as personalised license plates. They often communicate ‘a perception’ of the driver’s personality and their approach to life. I see many cars with ‘name’ plates on them nowadays; the driver obviously seeks for all and sundry to know their name. Cars, like houses, boats, and vans can be a way of showing your character off, to exhibit your ‘style.’ The stickers, badges, plates, and other devices we put on our cars communicate all sorts of things to all sorts of people, and not always what we’d expect.
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Here are some further considerations:
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~~ If you have a Christian “fish” on your car or any other spiritual sign, people will link your driving behaviour to your faith… food for thought?
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~~ Do you have revealing information on your car that perhaps could compromise your security, for instance, names or phone numbers?
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~~ If you have values-promoting stickers or badges on your vehicle such as for safety or environment advocacy, people will expect you, your vehicle and your behaviour to align to that ‘stated’ value.
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~~ If you have profane stickers and badges you could expect about 90 percent of road users to have a negative attitude about you, and they don’t even know you!
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~~ If you support a cause like organ donation, leukaemia research, or Alzheimer’s disease research, it pays to advertise. If you’re going to have a sticker it might as well give people information on the cause, or how to donate, or how to get involved.
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From my own experience I don’t any longer have values-promoting or spiritual stickers or decals on my car -- I think personally they put too much pressure on highly imperfect individuals to live up to. (I wouldn’t argue that my view is necessarily correct, however.)
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It’s personal choice at the end of the day; one must know nonetheless, bumper stickers communicate a world of information, and not all of the information communicated is going to be received accurately.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Holiday Bliss? Not! ... Surviving School Holidays

“Two weeks of hell to look forward to!” blasted one father under his breath as his son approached him, as I picked my daughter up from school, on the last day prior to school holidays. (I’d made an unrelated remark in a vain attempt to establish rapport and received this response.) He was adamantly not happy. Reflecting on it now, I’m unsure if he was actually serious or not, but I wasn’t going to enquire any further, though I did want to challenge his assertion. One wonders if it’s like this for the father, what’s it going to like for this child? Hell too, I’d imagine... mmm.
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I wondered also how many other parents openly or secretly felt this way as all the kids hurriedly crammed all their term’s work into their bags, anticipating two weeks off -- a felt eternity for some (and not just the kids!). I relate to the feeling going through the average parent’s mind.
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The truth is all parents want time to themselves. Parenting is hard work and anyone who says anything different is dreaming. A time of ‘holidays’ with children, particularly when there is little planned, could bring a state of dread on any parent... “How do I keep these kids entertained?” could be the desperate response as the holiday period looms imminently.
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But there’s another side to consider...
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The attitude of this father also strikes me as the direct opposite of gratitude. I thought later about the thousands of adults who can’t have kids, whether for lack of opportunity or for lack of genetic ability or for some other reason; adults who’d give an arm, figuratively speaking, to have a child. (There are many also who repeatedly undergo fertility programmes unsuccessfully and suffer heartache year after year, and those who’ve suffered miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, stillbirths etc.)
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Where does this attitude of ingratitude come from? The featured father may have presumably had parents with similar views that he’s expressed. Perhaps he had a hell-of-a-childhood? Or perhaps he’s just got a funny sense of humour?
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Let’s take a positive tack. A parent is entrusted, yes, that is given charge over a young life; to grow and develop this young person, and hopefully in goodness and grace, in truth and love. The parent’s role is not so much about “hard work,” but it’s about planning, teaching, coaching, and advising, and ‘managing’ this young life. That’s what it’s like when we break the job down. Also, you could take a visionary approach: your child is your key life business venture, the one you have bold positive dreams about, and the one you want to show off one day as the product of your hard work, not that you’ll own the results, but you’ll have had your hand on ‘this project.’
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What about some questions asked in the first person context?
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~~ Where will my child be in five years, or fifteen years for that matter? Better put what life will I have shown them (I won’t get a second chance at this).
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~~ What will they say about me as a father or mother? Will I be content with my own level of input?
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~~ What sort of father or mother will they be for my grandchildren based on my example? (Grandparents often view kids [and certainly their grandchildren] differently from how they viewed their own children.)
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~~ What attitudes will I have instilled in them toward the poor, the disabled, and those less fortunate?
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~~ Will I have equipped them sufficiently for them to have a happy, loving, and law-abiding life?
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A little planning can make for an awesome holiday and time with the kids. The above questions bear pondering about. Many of us know the law of cause and effect. Be a poor parent or be a loving, visionary parent. It’s your choice. You’ll inevitably get back what you invest.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Friday, April 11, 2008

One Life, Two Ways, You Choose

Driving past a church the other day I saw the sign “1 life, 2 ways, U choose” and it grabbed me; only a moment or two prior I was reflecting over something that I’d read that had a perfect fit with this slogan.
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There’s a flow to life. It’s all about path. Be on the right path and eventually all will go well for you, you find the right job and perhaps a good partner and your way is primarily the way of blessing as you enjoy the good things of life; faith takes care of the rest.
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Once we stray however, and we all stray a little, we eventually reap the reward of that behaviour; we get bad results.
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The interesting thing with this “two ways” of life theory is we don’t often get what we deserve (either way) straight up. It’s often the case that weeks or months later we reap what we’ve sown. Relating this to what we could call the ‘good way’ (the right way) this means we need faith to ensure we don’t give up before we see good results for our efforts. Don’t give up!
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Relating this to the ‘bad way’ means having in mind the potential consequences of the wrong way, but not only that, we also need to be focussing positively or we stand to become miserable in avoiding one behaviour just simply to live the right way.
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Living the right way is the right and best thing to do. It takes effort, discipline, courage, and character, but we need to know we can do it. Everyone is capable of living the right way. The interesting thing is basically everyone (with very few exceptions) intuitively knows the right path and has a choice.
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The key challenge of life is to get on the right path and stay there. Staying on the right path is infinitely harder than getting there! You have one life, and there are two ways to live -- you choose.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Valuing Our Most Important Relationships

How is it that we abuse the ones most close to us? The people we most love and most value tend to cop most of the fallout when things aren’t going well for us. It’s a confusing and frustrating paradox -- those we wish least to hurt end up getting hurt, and people we don’t really care for as much (i.e. those who may anger or frustrate us) get away scott-free.
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This type of situation happens regularly in marriage and sibling relationships where two people get close. It’s like the boundaries evaporate and there’s suddenly the opportunity and the option to transgress. I don’t know the technical or psychological term for it, but I see it as a situation where relational respect has been compromised. Basically, one or both parties now use a way of transacting with the other that employs negative “parent-child”[1] communication, setting up a dangerous pattern of potential co-dependency.
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I saw this happen recently to a friend. The problem revolved around the rapport he had with his manager at work. He has a good working relationship with his manager; that good in fact, is the relationship, that they would consider themselves friends, not just work colleagues. Yet, strangely he would find himself being short with him, not giving him the time he required, and this wasn’t readily identified by my friend until his manager approached him about it.
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The confrontation was a good thing as my friend’s manager was able to broach the subject truthfully and ‘respectfully challenge’ the status quo. Fortunately, my friend had an honest look at the situation and decided that his manager’s feedback was warranted. He fed back to me that he apologised and after having reflected upon the issue, decided afresh that everyone deserves courtesy and respect, especially those we have the most time for!
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Loved ones are a special category of people aren’t they? Why do we take them so much for granted? Why is it that our partner or our children often get the ‘junk’ that at times spews from our mouths, or the silence at the end of the day because ‘we’ve had enough already’?
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Giving people respect all the time is a difficult thing for most to achieve. We have our own needs and wants and we want satisfaction and a fulfilling life; yet, this is often precisely what goes against us... we can’t survive relationally without issuing respect first. We must give it to earn it. We need to be prepared to put our needs and wants behind another’s to give respect.
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For our loved-ones, we have to love them, pure and simple. I find the best way back once I’ve transgressed is to simply and quickly apologise and then seek their forgiveness. This pattern of behaviour then reinforces respect. It also helps us next time. Before we shoot off or treat them disrespectfully, we allow the voice inside us to gently remind us of the consequences of this behaviour. Slowly but surely we get better at dealing with problems and our relationships don’t suffer so much. It’s all about the ‘internal work’ required within.
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Our friends and loved-ones are there for us, not to abuse, but to help us. We must appreciate their help. You could try telling your friend or loved-one how much you appreciate them. This is so good for a relationship. Everyone deserves respect, and all friends should be appreciated.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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[1] See Transactional Analysis theory for an explanation of this phenomenon.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Overcoming Your Difficulties

You’re in a crowded shopping centre, trapped in a queue, and you’re in a hurry. Or you’re at work and are pressed by a particular problem you don’t know how to fix or where to start. Or again, your partner vexes you with a conflict that you have no idea how to handle. You’re befuddled and ready to give up. Life is definitely not fun at the moment. How do you go on and conquer this feeling, gaining victory over self?
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Everyone without exception has difficulties. It would not be life without them. It seems that not only was life not meant to be easy, it was actually designed to test us out! So, how do we get over this wall ahead of us?
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The Shaman warriors would suggest by jumping over the wall, not smashing through it. There is a similar philosophy in Christianity. It’s called faith. Let us explore three very well linked Greek words that provide the key to overcoming your difficulties.
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FIRST, there is the word thlipsis. This word means pressure. It also means affliction and distress of mind i.e. difficulty.
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SECOND, there is the word tharseo. This word is in verb form meaning to be of good courage/cheer, to be confident and hopeful.
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THIRD, there is the word nikao. This word is also in verb form and it means to conquer, or to overcome i.e. the difficulty.
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The second word above is the key. The key idea is your attitude. It would be as simple as writing it in a mathematical way:
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Difficulty + hopeful/courageous/positive attitude = victory (overcoming the difficulty)
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Or
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Difficulty + poor/insufficient attitude = more difficulty.
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The principle is very simple. Difficulties strike us very commonly. They happen daily, hourly, and minute by minute even. If you’re aware of problems as they arise, you can apply faith, which is patient hope set in a bed of courage. It will surprise you how often you make your problems worse by simply not applying faith.
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The frustrating thing is this. Even though the above principle is a simple one, it is hard to apply consistently, without faith that is. With faith, anything is possible. It's all a matter of choice and effort.
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

"One Day At A Time" Acrostic

Accountable to live wisely
Believe in yourself
Credibility is key to reputation: value and nurture it
Diligently work at each life role you have
Encourage others to be their best
Freedom (spiritual freedom) is the prize for right, just and fair living
Gratitude is the key to inner peace
Humility is helping and considering other people
"I love you; I forgive you..." words you should say each day
Justice in life. Recognise, affirm, and protect it
Kindness is the greatest gift you can bestow on anyone, especially those you love
Love like your life depends on it, because it does
Modelling. You are a model. People watch you and learn from you. Do good
New. Life is about second chance. Grace dictates we get numerous second chances
Openness requires courage, especially after being hurt; remain open
Patience in life is essential. Almost all offenses occur due to a lack of patience
Quiet. Listen more than you speak. This is the way of learning and humility
Respect everyone and everything. We're all part of the delicate balance of life
Special. You are special, and so is everyone else!
Trust your loved ones and friends. Trust until your trust is betrayed, and then trust some more.
Understand the flow of life. There are good days and bad
Virtue. The life of virtue is the life committed to the good and eternal value
Wisdom is life's chief goal. Don't miss it. Get wisdom, get understanding
Xtravagance. Live extravagantly, but not materially, spiritually. Bless people abundantly
Y settle for anything less than the preceding?
Zoe is Greek for life. Live life one day at a time; it's God's design
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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.