5 lessons on welcome and inclusion from a 5-minute visit somewhere strange

We went to visit an Est. 1870 flour mill in the town we’re staying at, and then decided to roam further.  From across the road, we could see a sign, “Woodturning Demonstrations – Visitors Welcome,” so we crossed the street curious to see what we could.

As we walked down the laneway, Sarah said to me, “It’s got to be similar to metal turning, doesn’t it?”  “A little,” I said.  We kept walking.  We felt people on both sides of us staring a little but thought no more of it, I guess because we were together and distracted by each other’s presence.

We scanned in and sanitised, wondering where the woodturning was.  Apart from the signage on the street, there was no other indication of what was happening.  People everywhere, looking at us, but nobody came to talk to us or welcome us.  Bizarre.  We kept walking in and through the left into a hall, when our son’s thong (footwear, not underwear) snapped, and I quickly fixed it for him.

We looked around the hall and there was a woodturning exhibition on the stage, and the floor was set out in physically distanced chairs.  Everyone we could see had club shirts and name badges on.  At this point, a man approached us and asked if we were members?  Feeling decidedly NOT welcome at this point, we deduced it was some kind of conference we were gate crashing, and they were all on a break.

Here are some lessons I could see from this 5-minute sojourn somewhere strange:

1.              BE ESPECIALLY WELCOMING OF PEOPLE WHO COME ALONE

If I’d have walked down the laneway alone and experienced the stares and lack of welcome it would have been a starker experience, and I would’ve felt chased out before I’d even entered.

One thing we need to recognise in welcoming people is people feel at least a little more protected when they’re already with friends.  This means a welcome to those who visit or come alone needs to be especially poignant.

We’re social creatures and when we’re alone we do feel more self-conscious than if we’re with others.

2.             IF YOU WANT TO BE WELCOMING, MAKE IT EASY FOR PEOPLE

The lack of welcome from the people who were obviously woodturners was one thing, but the lack of signage or indication of where to go or what to do, in retrospect, left us feeling like we didn’t know what the norms were.

Everyone needs help to know what behaviour is expected in any given environment.  The signage needs to be clear, or people feel vulnerable, unable to comply.

When people don’t know the norms of behaviour expected, where there are no ostensible boundaries, anxiety increases.  People by and large want (need) to know what to do, especially in social settings.

3.             PLAN FOR WHEN SOMEONE ARRIVES WHO FEELS UNWELCOME

In advance, anyone who wants to prepare a place where people feel welcome need to anticipate when something will happen for newcomers or strangers that leaves them feeling like a fish out of water.

How will someone who doesn’t yet feel at home in an otherwise strange environment find their feet?  How will they be set at ease as if they’re the important one—because the one who feels vulnerable has needs to be served in this instance.

If someone arrives, and they find they’re in the wrong place, how will we be kind and provide hospitality anyway?

4.             THE MORE FORMAL THE SETTING, THE BETTER THE WELCOME NEEDED

Because everyone at the venue seemed to be attired differently to us visitors, we felt even more isolated.  It wasn’t until we entered that we realised it was a formal conference, but we were in there suddenly, without an efficient ‘get out’ clause.

When our functions or meetings are set out formally, there needs to be more formal arrangements for welcoming people, especially for those who walk into the wrong place.

All of these ‘walk ins’ are opportunities for incredibly unexpected conversations.  Get it right, and we make connections where there would have been awkwardness.  Socially, it’s not the best when there’s awkwardness, yet it’s okay provided we’ve planned for it.

5.             QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOST

We weren’t lost, and it was clear during the visit that it was something other than we thought it was.  Instead of being asked if we were members, a better question might simply be, “How are you today?”

One of the most important ways we build connection is by simply ‘being’ with a person in friendly, equal conversation for a few minutes or ten.  Only after this is it okay to ask a question that means, “Do you belong here?” (When you’re rapidly coming to the conclusion that you don’t).  Oftentimes, with a little warm-up time, that question gets answered without even needing to ask it.

~

Nobody at this woodturning event was rude to us.  Nobody threw us out even though we weren’t meant to be there.  Nobody was especially unfriendly to us.

They didn’t need to for us to feel awkward about that 300-second period of our lives.

There was no offence taken, but it did strike me, the opportunities to provide welcoming hospitality... and not.  As soon as we walked out, I felt a little excited because I could see the parallels for church and any other endeavour of connection making.