Some of the impacts of trauma on survivors of abuse

I find it daunting to begin an article like this.  Abuse plays out in so many different ways overall, and I just need to add at this point that, unless people have been on the receiving end of abuse, people just don’t tend to get it; they just don’t understand, and this is particularly visible anytime anyone thinks or suggests about a survivor:

“They’re playing the victim card again,” or 
“I know, you’re not trying hard enough to get over it,” or 
“Just forgive and forget already!”

If only it were that simple.  The person who cannot relate will have no idea how much a survivor of abuse will wish it were that simple.

I might move onto the list now without further ado:

§     The memory of the event or events (or sketchy memories if trauma was large), the circumstances and the people are embedded in the psyche as a trauma bond.  Triggering of that trauma bond is always involuntary, meaning it’s impossible to stop the initiation of it, but we can learn ultimately (over time) to manage better.

§     We’re talking post-traumatic stress, and full-blown PTSD in so many cases.  The effects are very autonomic.  I will continue to use the term ‘involuntary’ to describe what happens first in the body as a function for how trauma is stored in the body.

§     Not only does trauma bond within the psyche, but the persons who perpetrated the abuse are also bonded there as bad actors.  This bad actor image is reinforced when the perpetrator/s refuse to own what they’ve done — when they refuse to confess and repent.  Anyone should be able to see how the perpetrator becomes anchored there as a bad actor when they continue to behave in bad ways by not making restitution.

§     It is bound to cause great distress to survivors whenever those bad actors are portrayed by others as good.  I think most survivors would prefer this bond were not the case, but the fact is, every time a perpetrator is depicted as a hero or good person by others, it feels like a fresh assault.  Again, this feeling and perception of the one who perpetrated the abuse is very involuntary.

§     Certain dates, places, smells, colours, textures, similar experiences, emotive and fear states, etc — no matter how far down the track — are definite triggers of involuntary response.  The saddest thing about this is these stimuli often ‘come at’ the survivor.  There is little agency where there is little control.

§     The psyche interprets or discerns danger from afar, so a hypersensitivity to danger is developed.  This is a fear cognition and it is sticky.  It is very difficult to overcome, hence there is the need to be in safer, more predictable, non-toxic environments.  This often has a life-changing effect for the survivor.

§     Triggering can be bizarre in that sometimes the involuntary response is flight, sometimes it’s fight, sometimes it’s freeze, (there is also fawn as a trauma response) and sometimes it can be a confused mish-mash or these.  Not unlike the disorganised attachment style, a mix of fear and aggression can occur.  Much anger is based in fear.  This is all ultra-confusing to the survivor and their loved ones.

§     When the perpetrator of the abuse continues to go from success to success, the survivor of the abuse is harmed again and again by the polarisation of injustice.  Only the survivor sees the ones who are hurt, strewn in the perpetrator’s wake.  Survivors pray they may be a light for one another, because they know full well what scapegoating is about.  There is hardly a lonelier experience than being a survivor of abuse.

§     Trauma experiences can be replayed and rehashed and thought over ad infinitum and ad nauseam — to the point that the survivor develops what could be called variations of trauma sickness.  The survivor faces much gaslighting.  They’re told by the perpetrator, others and by their own experience that the experiences they had were not real or true or as bad as they think.  There is hardly a more disconcerting reality, especially when the evidence is irrefutable — it is true and it was and is bad!

§     Future prospects are not only in jeopardy but oftentimes they’re actually harmed, whether by reputational impacts, or real impacts of impaired capacity and function, including great financial impact.  Like so many of the above, it’s only really survivors who know this, because it has to be lived to be felt to be known.  Empathetic loved ones and friends certainly attest to this.

§     Then there is the matter of continual stress that breeds conflict in close familial relationships.  This is often unable to be avoided.  Ramp up the ambient level of stress and it is bound to impact close relationships.

§     There is nothing quite as destructive as living in a state of not being believed.  Even though a survivor knows their truth, they can often battle feeling like a liar, especially when others will hold that perception of them, and silence is deafening in this regard.  It is a very caustic thing for the human soul to feel people have an unchangeable negative perception toward them, and again, silence speaks volumes.  Remember that survivors of abuse never asked for it.

§     Now, I’m reminded of one of the worst kinds of triggering, and that is in the throes of an abusive moment itself, where the abuser needles the survivor so much they tip the survivor over the edge into what is best termed a ‘huge emotional/visceral reaction’.  The survivor is blamed for an abuse called ‘reactive abuse’ — abuse that comes out of a reaction to abuse.  Unfortunately, this further polarises the survivor into a corner and is actually used to restore the bully’s fortunes.  This manoeuvre is as old as the school yard is.

Photo by Bekah Russom on Unsplash