What’s In A Name? Gaining Respect And Achieving Relationship Influence

When meeting people for the first time I’ve begun to notice how often they’ll introduce themselves as a particular variety of their name. For instance, a man named William could conceivably be called Bill, Billy, Will or Willy. There are five variations just there, and that’s not accounting for nicknames. In this situation they’ll propose (in a variety of ways; overt and covert) their actual preference for being called the name they just used. They’re keen to see us use it in reply.

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I had a situation happen to me recently – in fact these things happen to each of us all the time in reality – I received a call from a guy I would normally call “Mick,” yet he immediately introduced himself as “Mike.” Having not had a personal discussion with him in a many months, if not a year or two, I noted that something had changed. His preferred name was no longer Mick; it had become Mike, which probably says something for refinement. As we all grow older and become more mature, changes for refinement begin to take place; another way of putting it is ‘growing older gracefully.’

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For some people it doesn’t matter what they’re called, as they say, ‘Call me anything just don’t call me late for breakfast!’ In these situations they might have a preference but it’s nothing you can pick, so the best rule of thumb is to simply use the name they use; by watching for how they introduce themselves. Be astute in using that name, without drawing a lot of attention to why you’re using it. This is one of the sensitivities of Emotional Intelligence and it’s a great way to promote a relationship through the virtue of respect.

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I’ve found that not everyone likes the nicknames they’ve been given or that they’ve ‘acquired.’ I’ll use the nickname only after the person in question has reminded me to use it because they actually like it. My default is to use the preferred Christian name, unless they prefer the nickname. Of course, some nicknames are great, and it’s no surprise when some people see these as a badge of honour.

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Remembering names is something I struggle with at times, and the only thing I know that helps is thinking about the person and linking these thoughts with their name, or using their name frequently in conversation, for instance... “So, Sophia, what do you like most about your job?” And, “That’s great, Sophia.” Obviously it’s a good idea not to overuse names in this way as our communication risks becoming a bit trite.

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I find that getting people’s names right is something that people notice. It leaves them with a ‘good’ feeling about us. It tells them that we value and respect their preferences and feelings. It’s a good thing we simply can do. Anyone can learn this simple skill.

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© Copyright 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.