Do You Feel “Manipulated?”

There is little worse than suddenly discovering ‘in the moment’ that you’re being “manipulated.” In theory, manipulation means many things, and not necessarily all of these are bad. But when you get that impression, what springs up in the mind is a whole lot of self-talk about the situation that can be very counterproductive. At the extreme end, it can bring on anxiety attacks.

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Some people in society are naturally suspicious of manipulation. Be the protagonist once and you may well have lost them forever. This is said to be particularly of the addicted in life – they have a disdain for manipulation.[1] This is possibly based in the deadly sin of pride, which alcoholics and others ‘dependants’ struggle excessively with. Pride is often-times a symptom of a lack of faith or lack of ability to trust in an other. These people are pre-disposed to both feeling and being manipulated.

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If you are on the receiving end of being manipulated, meaning that you know beyond reasonable doubt that it is occurring and it’s not a figment of your imagination, you need to:

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- Either confront the person/s instigating it; or,

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- Simply get out of the situation.

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When you’re in a situation where the person is close and you don’t have many options but to confront the situation or person, ensure you do your thinking and planning on the situation prior to the event. Manipulators are smart and use guilt quite effectively. Be wary of it. Don’t put up with dysfunctional and co-dependent relationships. Challenge them.

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It can be of such relief when you extricate yourself from the claws of a manipulator. Don’t simply do it because you desire the freedom. Do it for the right reasons, as a response to the injustice.

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The real reason why someone will want to manipulate you is generally based in fear. They seek to control you or your behaviour in a subversive sort of way; in a way that is dishonest and lacks transparency. It’s patently evil. Don’t stand for it. Challenge it respectfully and get released.

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© 2008, Steven John Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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[1] Alcoholics Anonymous, Daily Reflections - February 28, What? No President?, (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, 1990), p. 67.