Abusers abuse the person they drew into their inner circle who ‘betrayed’ them. The other side of that equation is the person drawn in is given the harrowing choice — enable the abuser, support them, be their cheer squad, OR ELSE.
Abusers don’t abuse everyone. Indeed, it would curtail their mission if they did. But the important thing is it’s only those who get close who see; those who get close are required to submit to a system that anyone in good conscience would have severe cognitive dissonance with.
Many people who are drawn into a “special” circle find themselves privileged and they feel special, so it’s often an accommodation that they are, for a time, prepared to make; often in the subconscious hope that things will change — but they never do, they only get worse with abusers.
The one who is drawn in, who is trusted, who is given a special role, and told they’re special — and who doesn’t like feeling special?? — has real choices to make, which almost nobody can make instantly. They find their enabling of the abuser has some justification, because there is SOME good done, besides there are skills they like using, and of course there are perks — which seem justified at the time for “a job well done.”
There are many who are not elevated to the status of “special” and the special one at least subconsciously feels special — it tickles the pride, besides their belief and enrolment in the leader’s vision.
An abuser will count it the ultimate betrayal when someone they groomed for the inner circle, who will become a crucial part of their grand vision and a vital enabler, resists their “role” and decides they want no part of enabling a malevolent system.
Those who walk in integrity cannot bear the cognitive dissonance of bargaining away their sight for “another image” that doesn’t bear a strong resemblance to the truth.
The unfortunate thing is those who have such integrity are cut off at the knees by the abuser and the rest of the complicit inner circle, and hence by the entire community. They’re scapegoated — a truly biblical concept (Leviticus 16:8).
Abusers draw to themselves people who are full of light, capacity, skill, and potential. These people in their inner circles are by virtue of these characteristics, “special.” Anyone who’s ever been selected by an influential, charismatic leader/partner feels special. Their being selected is something not easily given up. So you can see how pride is an inherent part of the system here. Those with integrity will hate having been drawn in once they see what they’re implicated in.
When a person is drawn into the circle, and they hold a special place it’s doubly hard to give it up. Not only does it feel good, but there’s the risk of the loss of disappointing the leader/partner if they give it up.
Most people who refuse to enable an abuser still have little idea how much their refusal will cost them. Abusers are cultish. They have no tolerance for those who do not believe in their vision, especially for those who have been given a special role and special levels of information.
Abusers won’t ever abuse everyone. Often just one person at a time will do.
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