Prayers for a new year after a year like the year that was

This time last year none of us had any idea how tough this year would be.  But even without the pandemic, we do tend to think that each coming year will be better than the last.  If a year goes well, we expect our prospects to be enhanced.  If a year is the worst on record, we hope the year following will be a pleasant relief — more of what we’d find acceptable.

This sort of thinking isn’t really helpful; it doesn’t equip us very well at all for what is inevitably coming.  With that in mind, here’s a prayer inviting a realistic perspective:

Thank you, Father God, that we got through what was a tough year.

Help us to look back at this reflective time of year with gratitude and wonder, especially because You got us through various hard and painful challenges.

Equip us to gain purpose from the challenges that were presented in 2020, seeing that You have ordained life for us, to be an encouragement to others, at such a time as this.

Yes, Lord, endow us with meaning from this year and give us readiness for what’s ahead.

Nourish the spirit of wisdom in us to be able to carefully manage our own resources, especially knowing when and how to say no.  Bless this prayer for longevity, Father.

Give us increased understanding and self-acceptance with our mental health, and capacity for healing this coming year; help us not condemn ourselves when we’re weak and when we fail.

In a year that’s been incredibly tough on relationships, Lord, please furnish us with gentleness, kindness and patience with all those we care about, and every life our lives touch, this coming year.  We’re also praying others will be gentle, kind and patient with us, too.

For the losses that have been endured, help us continue in our recovery and adjustment, and for the losses that will inevitably come this new year, supply us with bravery for the grief we’ll be called to bear.

Give us the capacity and compassion to support those who You will call us to love.  Help us to know when to listen, when to speak, and how to care.  Give us discernment to be IN the person we’re helping, to sense what they need, and to know how to check in with them.

For developments that may shock us in the coming year, prepare us to respond well to whatever development occurs.

For our friends and loved ones, and for all humankind, Lord, protect life as much as possible, be with the scientists, health and hospital workers who work to exhaustion, and give to them what they need, including wise leadership at all levels of society in every country.

Finally, help us to trust You through all the days of this coming year.

AMEN.

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Furtive behaviour, is it for manipulation or protection?

As a minister for Christ, one thing I’ve had to get used to and accept is behaviour from others that lacks transparency.  It’s all too easy to judge such behaviour as being manipulative when very often it can be a sign of self-protection.

How else is someone to prevent further abuse and trauma from occurring when they’ve trusted ‘trustworthy’ types before and been stung?

One thing I say to those I’ve had the privilege of mentoring is, “You must assume if people don’t trust you that they have REASON to be guarded.  Don’t be offended if they don’t trust you.  Take it as your opportunity to be faithful when they’ve not experienced it before.  Make sure that you’re WORTHY of their trust... and indeed, that’s your job: to restore in them not only that [people, leaders, managers, clergy types, counsellors] can be trusted, but to give them faith in their own evoked gift of discernment; to trust their gut first and foremost.  This is a huge battle for most people who have had harm done to them.”

One sure way to prove trustworthy is being able to be wrong.

In fact, getting it wrong can be a great opportunity.  To apologise.  If they feel misunderstood, we can own being corrected.  It does no harm to be corrected, and when we’re corrected most sincerely, we can cause them to think, “Wow, they seemed to listen; they didn’t shout back at me or abuse me or deny or deflect it.  They took it!”

Being capably vulnerable — able to be strong in weakness — is a demonstrative way of building trust.

Even if someone appears to be manipulative, it’s good for us to ask the question: “Are they doing that to protect themselves from harm?”  If it’s a chance they are, we have the opportunity of providing that protection — we allow them the latitude they’re seeking for themselves; behaving that way for the time being whilst also praying for a way to gently restore them.

Ultimately, their manipulative behaviour needs to be called, but we don’t do this with words which are direct and offensive.  It can be done through the respectful safety of subtle boundaries that make their manipulation less potent and less able to succeed.

This is a protection we afford them, all the while building a solid base of relationship connection and safety with them.

In discerning whether it’s manipulation for protection’s sake or not, we also need to be aware that a lot of manipulation is for no such intent.  It’s often manipulation out of entitlement.  This is the manipulation of narcissism.  This is not the kind of manipulation we can afford to tolerate, because it’s dangerous.

Manipulation such as this has no motive of self-protection-for-vulnerability behind it.

It is a devouring manipulation, aggressive in intent, targeted, locked and loaded on the vulnerable.  None of us is beyond being vulnerable in being faced by someone who is bent on having our number.

But the manipulation of a person who does so merely to hold their own, that we can see and know, from perhaps the better equipped position, as simply their volition to square the ledger.

There is nothing wrong with someone protecting themselves when they feel disadvantaged.  If only we can discern their feeling vulnerable and do our best to hold them safe.

Pastoral workers have a duty to hold power well, and to allow the more vulnerable to rise to a level where they feel more equal, all the while ensuring the relationship stays safe — that is, it meets the integrity an observer would wish for it.

Part of the role of someone skilled in helping is to hold all interests safely.  That is, to expect and to sense for what can feel like manipulation from the vulnerable, to understand its motivation (for protection) and to either call gentle awareness to it or to hold protection for safety sacredly.

The key difference between manipulation and protection is the potential harm it does.  Self-protection does little if no harm, revealing a need to equalise the power differential, whereas manipulation feels like a clandestine attack.

Where we can get it wrong is to read self-protection for manipulation and come down hard on the vulnerable to the point where trust is damaged if not destroyed.  This does harm when our goal is to do no further harm.

At the risk of overstating it, when a person behaves furtively it can mean they don’t trust you yet.

That’s not a blight against you; it’s good information about just where the relationship is at.  It’s an invitation to build more safety patiently through respect and integrity.

It’s not something to get offended about, as if, “Why are you dodging me/playing games with me... why don’t you just trust me?!”  This is occasionally a ‘fawn’ response, a common trauma response.  Patient gentleness and acceptance of the status quo is crucial.  The first building block of healing is trust.

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The day God came to be with us

Light of the World
coming to us like a Star
to those near and far
God’s grace now unfurled.

To live as He would die
born in a lowly manger
in near and mortal danger
incarnate from on High.

A still and lonely birth
He lay there as if awaiting
the world never anticipating
change coming to the earth.

His short life echoed fitness
the Gospel coming alive
the enemy could not deprive
the earth of God’s Witness.

Divine grace coming in
in flesh was the Word
the Gospel ever to be heard
“God’s redemption of humanity’s sin.”

Photo by Chris Sowder on Unsplash

Why does God allow abuse to occur?

The answer to the question is easy enough to understand.  Even though God created the universe and everything in it, God has designed life in such a way as there can be no divine intervention in particular matters of life until the end of time.

Whilst this is quite plain and understandable, there’s no comfort there to those for which abuse continues as an echo of trauma throughout the rest of their lives.

No comfort, whatsoever.  Is there anything else that can comfort an abuse survivor who has been betrayed at an existential level?

We can well imagine — knowing the character of God — that God HATES abuse — and knowing that God is omniscient and omnipresent — that God KNOWS everything that happened — every bitter blow in every event in the abuse that took place — that God is saving up the consequences of the abuse that was suffered for an indeterminate time.

It’s the great hope we hold to, that the Judge will judge fairly, and for that matter, harshly when the time comes.  And we can believe that whatever we suffer in this life that cannot be reconciled we will be compensated for when we go to meet God.  We hold to these beliefs by faith.

For the survivor of abuse, there is probably little comfort in the foregoing.  There is a life robbed of the joys and the safety of a life that would have been infinitely better and freer without the scourge of abuse affecting it.

But what is life without faith?  It is a shadow of what it could be.

I urge all survivors to nurture their faith, because even more so is it needed in the time between now and the eternity that awaits, and it will often prove to be enough as we look back.

Perhaps God allows every bad thing that happens to us as a test.  It’s a test for the one inflicting pain and damage on the one made in God’s own image.  That’s a sin that will be judged unless the offender owns it in this life and makes good of restitution, which must satisfy the survivor completely — to the extent of tangible healing.

We can well imagine sitting with a trauma survivor who is sharing their story wondering where God was as they suffered it day after day.  God may not have been able to stop it, but God certainly witnessed it, and as it says in Ecclesiastes 12:12b-14:

“Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.

“Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all humankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.” (bold used for emphasis)

Those who do not fear God — for instance, abusers who will never repent or acknowledge their wrongdoing — WILL pay dearly.  And those who have been abused will receive their compensation.

If you think that’s too long to wait — i.e., eternity — think about how LONG eternity will last for!  The consequences will last forever, even as they appear to last forever for you in this lifetime — which in all reality is just the blink of an eye.

From heaven’s viewpoint, it’s blessed to have been the betrayed, and cursed to have been the betrayer.  The betrayed stand acquitted.  The betrayer stands guilty as charged.

Whether you have faith or not, would you go against an inspired book that has endured for thousands of years?

I don’t know about you, but I’m not taking that risk.

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We don’t need another hero, we just need to know the way home

A play on the lyrics from the song of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985), on the same day as The Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn, the title of this article shines a light today, as every day, on the Lord God, Creator of the Universe.

The Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn last occurred on 1623 and is thought to possibly align, timewise, to the Christmas Star event at the time of Christ’s birth.

We have a situation this year, as we had each year for around 2,024 years, where we contemplate the unthinkable — 

God coming into the world, in the flesh, incarnate in all deity and all humanity

§     to live as we live, yet as sinless, 

§     to teach us how to live with a heart of flesh and not a heart of stone, 

§     to point us through signs and wonders to God’s power like nobody before or since,

§     to suffer and be rejected as much as anyone could or ever has,

§     to die on a Roman cross, scourged, vilified, sullied, shamed, and abandoned by all,

§     to rise again on the third day, rebuilding the ruins of God’s Holy Temple,

§     to ascend on High to be with the Father once again.

Each of these seven statements of fact are profound in their remarkableness.  Perhaps the most remarkable fact is, no matter how much we study the life of Christ, we can never tap the fathomless reality of how incredible Jesus is.  Plumb each of the above statements and it simply leaves us in awe.

We don’t need another hero ....

...... we just need to know the way home — to him.

Everything that was established through him revolves around him, just as the planets continue in their orbit, reminding us every now and then of the miraculous nature of the physical universe, as displayed, in the present case, every four hundred years — of his birth.

The physical universe blows our minds.  The more we study it, the more we know, the MORE our minds are blown.

We don’t need another hero ....

..... we really don’t.

Indeed, if this life teaches us ANYTHING, it’s that we’re all destined to get sucked into the vortex of heroes of our own design — sports stars, musicians, TV and movie stars, motivational speakers, our family members, our dreams, our appearance, and even our own lives, etc.

Every single one of us has a worship dilemma — we worship what we shouldn’t and fail to worship who we should.  And it doesn’t matter by and large whether we have ‘faith’ or not.  We’re all prone to devoting our lives to idols.

Christians tend to worship their favourite world famous Christian speakers, and they often hold up their own pastors as heroes.  Evidence of this is pastors are either lauded as exceptional and revered or they’re eventually thought of as ‘average’ — who never ascended to the lofty heights they should have. And then there’s the one who descended into the dirt.  If a pastor has descended to the dirt, they’re there because once upon a time they were placed on a pedestal they couldn’t ascend to; only God could, can and does.  This hero worship ought to make us sick.

Pastor Dale Stephenson once said to a throng of us pastors, “You’re not as good as people think you are and you’re not as bad as people think you are.”

Truth is, we’re all human.  The President of the United States, the Queen of England, the Pope, these people are all human, and they’re all completely unworthy of our worship — respect, yes, but not worship — and, indeed, these offices exist in their most basic form to point us to God, which is to rule with a power of beneficence for all.

We don’t need another hero ....

..... we really don’t.

When we take up a hero in human form, we place our hopes in what can never satisfy us.  We place our hopes in inevitable disappointment for the betrayal we stand to experience when they don’t measure up.  Humanity WILL fail us.  We ascribe to a person too much power.  And we commit to a futile journey.

Every day of our lives we’re on a journey.

We’re not home here on this earth; this earth is here so we FIND our way home.  Everything on this earth is a pointer to something infinitely better.

Worship anyone else other than Jesus and commit to a journey to not only nowhere, but to eternal frustration and to the defeat of our purpose and hope.

You don’t need another hero.  He died for you about two millennia before you were even conceived.  We have a hero; the only one we’ll ever need.  And with Jesus as our hero, we can live equal with all humanity.  And that’s the way life’s supposed to be.

Warnings for when a pastor’s call becomes their profession

A crisis eventually comes in the life of many who hear that call of God having had it confirmed by three or more others.  And it is good that this crisis is acknowledged.

What was seen in the one who said ‘yes’ to God, the one who embarked on training to become a pastor, or to serve in a ministry role, was a certain kind of specialness.  But in the making of a pastor, that special gift gets professionalised.  Therein lay the risk.

What was identified as unique and highly prized for the service of God becomes, or is, the benchmark.  In other words, as far as ministers are concerned, the specialness of what it took to be recognised as having ‘what it takes’ to be a pastor is now simply the yardstick.

Pastors must show up with the characteristic gifts of a pastor.  It’s the minimum standard.

And yet this has an impact on the pastor, who is just a normal human being who appreciates having a gift for blessing people through their pastoral care, their teaching, their encouragement, or their mentoring, etc.

The impact is their tireless service in their gifts strips them bare and they don’t even realise what’s happening until one day they bear those gifts with a tarnished heart.  It shocks them if they’re aware.  It shocks others where they discern the incongruity.

If the pastor doesn’t do anything about the trajectory of the professionalising of their gift without shoring up their relationship with God, they become double-minded at best (an effective professional without the character of a heart after God) or dangerous at worst.  At worst, power that has become theirs potentially becomes corrupted, and there are umpteen different temptations to sin.

The point of all this is something that God brings all us pastors to eventually.

The reality is they appear to be fine exponents of the pastoral profession in their work, but they’re lousy regarding character in other places, including the home.

Having professionalised our service to others in God’s holy name, we then must go and backfill the hollowed trenches of our faith or we’ll soon find them full of resentments for burnout, empty with meaninglessness or hypocrisy, a façade for manipulation, or a hotbed for a terrible manifestation of temptation we have given assent to — the worst of this, abuse.

The one who CANNOT see these things as they approach and swallow them whole lacks pivotal insight.  The one who WON’T see these things, the one who refuses, is the narcissist who recklessly believes there is no accounting — when there is always an accounting.

When it all comes down to it, any of us who turn our passion into a profession stand to experience this, BUT the issue for pastors is we’re in a position of spiritual leadership and power, where the enemy of God bays for our blood, where lack of integrity is a poisoned chalice.

The power vested in a minister is a sacred power, certainly as it’s deployed in God’s name through their ministry, but again just as much by the power people give the minister and by the power a minister uses, usurps or accesses.

If the minister isn’t truly walking with the Lord, they will either be ineffective at best or potentially dangerous at worst.

When a pastor’s call becomes their profession, the pastor must respond by continuing to build their faith commensurate with their professionalism.

The professionalising of a pastor’s gifting is inevitable, and their biggest challenge is to make sure their character keeps pace with that growth.

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In a burdensome world, respond well by nurturing kindness

One of my favourite proverbs is, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  It’s from the ancient book of Proverbs (4:23).  This proverb can be used as a commentary of our inner life and how we tend it.

If we tend our inner life with the things this world gives it, we largely live without defence and we therefore don’t guard our heart.  This is the reason many of us have a devotional life.  We read edifying things, play enriching podcasts and music, and engage in soul-lifting activities.

One way we can tap into our inner life in a really beneficial way is through nurturing kindness.  We think in ways of kindness and it leads to kind acts.  The more we practice kindness, the more we tend our heart with care.  It is one way to respond to this life that will throw all kinds of mess our way.

Even as we’re spent for ways to unpack this year, amid the flurry of activity as the year draws to a close, and within perhaps a life where conflict looms larger than it should, we’re still positioned to respond in any way we choose.

We all have the capacity for kindness; to speak gently and considerately, to behave respectfully, to give generously, to impart good for evil, to bring sunshine in the presence of rain.

To think and to act kindly requires some form of agreement that we’ll do so.

For instance, when someone comes in and addresses us rudely, we can respond in a way that would be good for them and us.  It does neither of us any good to be the doormat.  But we can at least attempt to be the circuit breaker.  We can ask, “Are you okay?  You seem upset.”

If we’re able to show the kindness of care, they may see the invitation for what it is.  If they continue being disrespectful, we can continue showing gentle strength of care by being kind.  If we maintain our composure, they may soon sense that their curtness isn’t having the effect they thought it would.

I know this is just a scenario, but through kindness we can pacify many situations that too easily become filled with conflict.  It all starts with a nurturing of kindness in our own heart.

This kindness is a real power for good in many situations that seem out of our control.

A little unexpected kindness can be just the cushion burdened people need.  We all need such a cushion from time to time.  When we’re burdened, one way to shift that overwhelmed feeling is through being a positive influence in another person’s life.

We can be the ripple of love in others’ lives, a force for good on mission for peace.

There are so many simple opportunities each and every day to be kind.  Offering smiles as people work past; notice what that smile does inside you.  Offering a helping hand when it’s least expected; notice how it only took about 8 seconds or ten minutes to completely bless someone.  Offering a word of encouragement on the spur of the moment; notice how when you go through with it, all it costs is a little sincere thought and creative use of your words, and it may be the only encouragement they receive all day.

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The church is dying for lack of shepherds

In an era where churches wanted pastors to be leaders and managers, strategists and administrators, leaders of leaders even, churches lost interest in pastors being pastors.

It seemed all the more important that a pastor could raise up leaders, have people follow them, evangelise converts at will, cast vision as if he were Jesus, and preach superbly, and that his/her pastoral care was secondary, even tertiary... much less needed or desired as a pastoral competency.

Pastoral care was farmed out to the laity, and it was seen for the thing it had become.  The care of the least of these considered least of all importance.  Nowhere on a senior pastor’s job description form was pastoral care other than to oversee someone else doing it.

But we only need to go to the Bible to see how much God has been calling for pastors to “shepherd my people.”

In a day where charismatic preachers are lauded for their winsome words, the church chooses rhetoric over care.  Is there anywhere in Scripture where God says, “You must preach compelling, highly rateable and shareable sermons”?

God expects shepherds of the church to care for the flock.  Ezekiel 34 is a stinging indictment on the history of the religious elite.  So exasperated was God that the Lord said, “I will be Israel’s Shepherd!”

In a day where church growth programs are foundational, and baptism key performance indicators have become fundamental, we have picked our priorities incorrectly.  We have slapped the backs and applauded those who won vast numbers to the Lord.  But how many were really won to the Lord?

In a day where we paid big bucks to speakers who could enthral at the altar call, we found we created converts, and millions of them, all the while forgetting that the Lord called us to “make disciples.”  Is there any wonder pornography addiction and alcohol are as big a problem in the church as outside the church?  You don’t think they are?  There are millions of Christians who have never been discipled.  These are lives that have never been transformed by the Holy Spirit of God.

In a day where the hard graft of shepherding made way for the sexier exercise of froth and bubble, where the look of things was the key indicator that they had efficacy, the church lost the plot and gave up its birthright for a pot of stew.  And thousands upon thousands of lives have been traumatised as a result — the stats speak of the exodus of the dechurched, while those who were never discipled lead as the blind lead the blind.

Characteristics of a care that’s pastoral:

§     it’s a watching care, where the shepherd watches over the flock, keen to ward off danger from afar off, not the very visitation of danger itself

§     it’s a sacrificial care, where the shepherd lives the living word of God, so discipleship is incarnate in him or her, not a conveniently crafted fabrication in their ministry

§     it’s a faithful care, where the shepherd is reliable and safe, caring for the sheep, not devouring them

§     it’s a humble care, where the shepherd does humble, unimpressive work, satisfied to work quietly at their calling, not caught looking good and wearing fashion and bling

§     it’s an honest care, where the shepherd knows honesty will save them from temptation, just as honesty will save many relationships in conflict, not lying to cover sin issues or abuse

§     it’s a heart care, where the shepherd is inherently kind, gentle and patient, not abrasive, abrupt, and given to (private) outbursts of anger

§     it’s a healing care, where the shepherd provides sanctuary for all-comers, that healing could commence and continue and be completed, not a place where traumas are exacerbated

The whole world needs a church that is strong on care, trustworthy and safe, willing to serve the world and those who need sanctuary, sacrificially in every way.  Whenever the church has been strong on care, trustworthy and safe for all, the world community has appreciated it.

One thing the world cannot stand is a hypocritical, judgemental church.  A church that is not what it’s supposed to be.

Ours is the opportunity to be the church to shepherd Israel.  We need shepherds.

Photo by Michelle Jimenez on Unsplash