Triggers for trauma characterise post-traumatic stress. And the truth is most of us bear some characterizable trauma, and for many people it’s a complicated set of traumas. There is hope. Just as the brain has amazing plasticity and can rewire so we can re-learn, we can work through our trauma a bit at a time, through a gentle, wise, self-paced process.
If it’s treatment we seek, we must hold out to work only with those who are considered to be trauma-informed. And the final test is how we feel about their work; not another’s recommendation or endorsement.
Everything needs to be tested, and your gut adjudicates. I think this is more about the process a therapist uses and less about a piece of paper that adorns a wall if you know what I mean.
Whoever helps us as we walk the gentle path of achieving understanding necessarily admits us to the position of control. They may be responsible for our safety, but they ensure that we have control over our own process. Yes, that’s right; it’s imperative that the client governs the pace and the trajectory of the therapeutic approach. The counsellor must exercise their discernment. They must be willing to back out at a moment’s notice and execute the gentlest, most respectful recovery process. The client’s mental, emotional and spiritual safety is paramount.
What about if you decide to go it alone for a while. Perhaps you’ve decreed that nobody offers what you need for such a time as this, and maybe it’s the community of peers that may assist. Do not underestimate your own abilities to equip yourself to be your own best ally. We can do anything if our mind is committed and our heart is invested.
Gentleness with ourselves, much as we would expect others to be gentle with us, is the key. Watch for self-judgement through the inner critic who drives us toward perfection.
Recovery is about progress not perfection. Recovery can feel as if you’re making absolutely no progress — do you know what; that is the assurance that you’re doing no further harm. Doing no further harm — staying safe — is victory, my friend. Don’t see it any other way. At times like this we can pat ourselves on the back, smile into a mirror, and say, “I got this... one day at a time... each moment as necessary... I got this... I got this ESPECIALLY when it feels I’m making no progress.”
Sometimes it’s accountability groups or teams of two or more people that take us from weakness to strength. Accountability is not about people picking us up on what we’re doing wrong. It’s the other way around; they pick us up on the things we don’t see in ourselves that we ought to see — the good things, the encouragements, the kindnesses.
There is hope beyond our post-traumatic stress.
Stay positive, see it as a long game, take the pressure down, be gentle with yourself, watch and rebuke the inner critic (“Don’t be harsh on me”), and surround yourself with people who see the best in you.
The very moments we take the pressure down and practice acceptance of where we’re at, the process of healing advances almost by osmosis. To augment healing we so often just need to get out of our own way.
Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash
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