Last week’s sermon was the toughest
of the 150 or so I’ve preached. I contrasted two experiences of forgiveness; one
that was easy, and one that seems impossible. I am still confounded by the
contrasts: one involved about as much hurt as a human could suffer, which was resolved
miraculously by what can only be explained as God’s grace; the other is an
enigma that still leaves me shaking my head, perplexed at the things that have
happened, and how such things could happen to us, by such people, at our lowest ebb.
But I resolve that the good Lord
has a purpose in these experiences and their paradoxical contrasts.
Allow me to share a little of the
first experience. So compelling was the grace of God in my life at the time, I
was not only gifted the ability to forgive the most hurtful thing that I or
anyone could imagine, I was granted the ability to understand and to work with
the new reality that had turned my life upside down.
Not only that, so rich was the
presence of God that no matter what happened, most days nothing could
extinguish my hope; not heat nor cold, nor 30-kilometre treks on day-long fasts.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually — most days — I found myself
sort of impenetrable. And I rode that wave, a personal renaissance, all the way
to the beach, the approach of burnout, over a year later. Grief had won for me,
grace. I was a transformed life.
At the hardest time of my life,
when lament was a fixture, I also experienced an inner joy and a hope that propelled
me forward. The only explanation I had was God. Only God could use the absolute
worst experience to fundamentally break me down and build me back up into a far
more authentic version of myself.
The second set of experiences, plural
because they span several years, and because of the level and complexity of the
issues, even years later, are the complete opposite. At times I struggle to see
God in it, even if I can see God working out the plan we think we can see for
our future; the meaning for our lives in what we have endured. It is not yet
the time to say anything more at this point.
I say the following based out of both experiences.
Having been freshly confounded, the
Spirit of God ushered the following words through me:
it’s
all small stuff
all
of it
The reason I saw the life upending
challenges fifteen years ago as opportunities in the main was because I saw how
small this world was, how small I was, and how big God and eternity’s plan
were. Then I was able to see how anything and everything that happens to us is
small in comparison to what is ahead.
“… we look not at what can be seen
but at what cannot be seen;
for what can be seen is temporary,
but what cannot be seen is eternal.”
— 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NRSV)
but at what cannot be seen;
for what can be seen is temporary,
but what cannot be seen is eternal.”
— 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NRSV)
God reminded me that ahead is where
I’m to be focused as the plan of my life caters for what is behind.
God already has in hand what is
behind me, even if I cannot see justice in it.
It is hard to let go of those
things that were traumatic. Perhaps we are not being asked to let go of that
which we cannot let go of, but maybe we are being called to move forward anyway, trusting that God
will redeem it.
For us, those issues that hurt us seem
so big — I can tell you, to me, they are! God wants us to see them differently,
however. Our Lord knows how much they hurt us. God knows us through and
through, in many ways deeper than we can ever know ourselves. If we trust this,
we will trust God. And our Lord may move us onward in this trust to a place
beyond our present stuckness.
I believe God gave me it’s all small stuff for a definitive
reason… for every struggling season.
God needs me to move forward, even amid
the days I’m confounded. God needs me to move forward, because it’s good for me to move forward. What’s good for me
to this end is good for all those who love me.
Shall any present issue shipwreck
our faith because we insist our truth be validated? This is a good desire that
has become a demand. God won’t bless such an insistence.
Insistent wishes that become demands
become idols and they dominate and then torment us.
become idols and they dominate and then torment us.
Our only hope is to ‘let go and let
God’. It’s the only time I’ve seen God work. As parents we wouldn’t let our
children get away with coercing us, would we?
Our big issues are big issues, and
God knows it and we must trust that God does know it.
It’s a gift to be able to see that it’s all small stuff and not to sweat any
of it — and even when we do, to return
(repent) to the view that it’s all small
stuff, again and again as much
as it takes — for “fretting only causes evil.”[1]
It’s our only hope.
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