“In my dream I was drowning my sorrows
But my sorrows they learned to swim...”
— U2, Until the End of the World
It’s a position almost everyone’s been in — probably without
exception — but one that many never actually realise, for what “it” is. The traitor, Judas Iscariot, knew an
experience of betrayal that’s not so obvious to us, yet it should be. He knew perhaps more than any other single
human being the cost of a double-sided, bittersweet regretful joy; perhaps as
one of the first who experienced Jesus’ “paradise”.
We’ve all been there if we think about it. In their song, Until the End of the World, U2 catapult us into the conversations,
perhaps, of Jesus and Judas — from the Last Supper to the Garden of Gethsemane
to the “final” conversation around the time of Judas’ suicide, racked with
repentant guilt and sadness was he over the personal meaning of betraying his
master.[1] It’s a tragic pity that with every mention of
Judas Iscariot in the gospels there is the stinging legacy of his last prophetically-announced
deed. We are not so unfortunate — such
is God’s goodness and grace to us.
Even though there’s a literal and tangible plot in the song, there’s
also a possible “now, but not yet” scenario at play. As we ‘reach out for the One we tried to
destroy,’ post-rebellion, we find that we
too threw Jesus to the wolves many times, vandalising the truth and
cheating love in our selfishness.
As we reach out to Jesus at the point of our realisation, we
finally understand this bittersweet, double-sided irony — we at once have waves
of regret and waves of joy. We don’t
quite understand this salvific experience — it swims over us, through us, in
and out, upside down. We’re involved yet
detached. God shows us in an instant how
little we know; how awesome he is.
What is this thing called “Grace”? How does this process of heavenly salvation
re-engineer everything we ever knew or thought?
And why us? — traitors.
The repentant heart attracts the grace-filled God through our
Lord Jesus Christ’s work on the cross.
The taxonomy of our guilt and sorrow combines with the issues of grace
at play in a Lord we can’t quite see yet — he’s about to bring this about — there’s
nothing more certain as destiny awaits.
In our absolute incomprehension, the rock bottom moment becomes our euphoric
climax — as it is later revealed... it’s moments away... and we thought God
could only hate us.
For you and me, the God of Creation is bending down and scooping
up; yes, right now — yes, even — especially even — for one person. He said he’d wait ‘til the end of the world —
he, in fact, doesn’t wait even that long; and we’re his — always were; always
will be.
***
Waves of regret we have for what we did to God – crucified him.
Waves of joy we have for having been saved by the grace that redeemed us in
this same Jesus Christ. The Christian has both: waves of regret, waves of joy.
© 2014 S. J. Wickham.
[1] Wikipedia, Until the End of the World (song),
Retrieved 13 October 2009.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Until_the_End_of_the_World_(song)
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