SWEPT UP IN A FOLLY BEYOND MY UNDERSTANDING; yet this is not a folly at all, just finding myself fantastically bewildered at the foot of a sacred tree—the image of the cross of Jesus Christ. My eyes sodden with healing tears, a giant goose-bump seemingly formed all over me; doubled over at his gorgeous, transcendent power striking volts of love energy through me. I’m saved by the grace of God and intoxicated, baptised in his Presence. No drug touches this sensation.
The journey undertaken has seen me crushed—spiritually—and left despairing in a “bloody” heap on the floor. Emotionally and spiritually vanquished, I thought I knew God. So precious the thought—I soon did!
Weighed down with regret... hopeless... and yet so blessed spiritually as if this Presence of the Almighty was scooping me up in my patheticness, dusting me off gently but effectively, and feeding me with powerful doses of his undivided Spiritual love-strength.
A bizarre and courageous confidence filled my heart space and at the same time a compassion joined my mind I’d never known before. Both of these gripped me and wouldn’t let go. Such a comfort that reality was. God had me now and was not letting go.
My rock bottom was my first real opportunity to make my life right. Once at the foot of the cross—a figure of Christian speech—I truly sensed my burden fall away. To have lost everything but to have somehow gained everything—at the very same time—was a wonderfully weird reality for me, and it wasn’t without its trepidation. But in this, God proved over and again his powerful faithfulness to deliver, continually assuaging my fears.
How can it be that Jesus makes up for all that could be lost like that? And more.
And all it was about was focus. I couldn’t help focus on Christ (praise God)—it felt like he was all I had left (notwithstanding my remaining family). My family felt hopeless much of the time; during these times we need our loved ones but they can’t do what only God can do.
My story is a story of God’s faithfulness to invest his grace in this one soul and re-build that soul basically from scratch; that process continues today and into tomorrow.
When you’ve reached the end of your tether, kneel at the sacred tree and pour your heart out to Jesus, the one who suffered and died to deliver you from your present and past pain right now.
© 2010 S. J. Wickham.
This article was inspired by Michael W. Smith’s song, Signs. If you’re ever feeling at your end and hopeless, listen to this “journey” song and breathe in deeply the music, ethos and lyric. It has an intrinsic healing beauty about it.