TO THINK ABOUT CONFIDENCE in communication is a dream for most; to be able to handle any situation socially or vocationally and hold a room, or hold the respect of someone esteemed – to be esteemed no less; what a great thing! What about having the utmost control over what we say and how we say it? We could all do with more restraint.
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We all have desires that need to be checked. Desire is good so long as it is balanced with love and justice, diligence and discretion. Often our desires can be overblown and are revealed to be this way or that way by our speech. What we say can get us into a heap of trouble! Or it can get us out of trouble.
We all have desires that need to be checked. Desire is good so long as it is balanced with love and justice, diligence and discretion. Often our desires can be overblown and are revealed to be this way or that way by our speech. What we say can get us into a heap of trouble! Or it can get us out of trouble.
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Desire is good if it can be caged by the right motivation – a right and loving concern for self and others. Rotary International has a decision-making tool that effectively illustrates the point. It’s called the “4-Way Test” that ensures the desire for action is balanced with everyone’s needs. With a motto of “service above self” it goes without saying that Rotarians are compelled to restrain their desires for the good of all. There’s is the 4-Way Test of the things they think, say and do:
Desire is good if it can be caged by the right motivation – a right and loving concern for self and others. Rotary International has a decision-making tool that effectively illustrates the point. It’s called the “4-Way Test” that ensures the desire for action is balanced with everyone’s needs. With a motto of “service above self” it goes without saying that Rotarians are compelled to restrain their desires for the good of all. There’s is the 4-Way Test of the things they think, say and do:
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1. Is it the TRUTH?
1. Is it the TRUTH?
2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?
3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS?
4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?
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This test is used as a discipline for all their decision-making. It was first used with success in between 1932 and 1937 as Herbert J. Taylor turned the Club Aluminium Company around from bankruptcy to success during, and following, the Great Depression.[1] This tool is timeless, and every much as relevant and powerful today as anytime. It continues to stand the test of time.
This test is used as a discipline for all their decision-making. It was first used with success in between 1932 and 1937 as Herbert J. Taylor turned the Club Aluminium Company around from bankruptcy to success during, and following, the Great Depression.[1] This tool is timeless, and every much as relevant and powerful today as anytime. It continues to stand the test of time.
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The point is – and the reason it endures – it looks out for everyone’s best interest, not just the slick minority, the powerful, the cunning, or the influential. And this is the simple point in our confident communication; we can afford to be confident and at ease when we are a threat to no one! We don’t have to be an overlord with anyone.
The point is – and the reason it endures – it looks out for everyone’s best interest, not just the slick minority, the powerful, the cunning, or the influential. And this is the simple point in our confident communication; we can afford to be confident and at ease when we are a threat to no one! We don’t have to be an overlord with anyone.
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The trouble with our words is that they can’t be recalled like an errant e-mail before it is read. A couple of clicks after sending an e-mail and you have the power to recall it so long as the receiver hasn’t opened it yet. It’s not like that with our words in conversation with others; once it is said, once we speak, the listener “gets it” immediately, and if it’s negative and crass it’s too late, the damage is done!
The trouble with our words is that they can’t be recalled like an errant e-mail before it is read. A couple of clicks after sending an e-mail and you have the power to recall it so long as the receiver hasn’t opened it yet. It’s not like that with our words in conversation with others; once it is said, once we speak, the listener “gets it” immediately, and if it’s negative and crass it’s too late, the damage is done!
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As the ancient proverbs indicate, discretion and prudence guards the hearts of both the sender and receiver of communication. It is so important to have the character that seeks to protect all parties. This sort of character has to be learned and earned in the rough and tumble of life – its driver is the right motivation geared to please God and not self. If we please God we please everyone including ourselves; if we try to please ourselves, no one wins, not even the person supposedly getting their own way.
As the ancient proverbs indicate, discretion and prudence guards the hearts of both the sender and receiver of communication. It is so important to have the character that seeks to protect all parties. This sort of character has to be learned and earned in the rough and tumble of life – its driver is the right motivation geared to please God and not self. If we please God we please everyone including ourselves; if we try to please ourselves, no one wins, not even the person supposedly getting their own way.
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A good character regarding restrained speech is based in the fear of potentially upsetting the tenuous balance in our relationships. It’s the recognition that each person we encounter and have relationship with is a sovereign entity in that we all have unique significance to God himself. We’re all heavenly beings, spiritually speaking. We must respect all our neighbourly relationships for this exact reason; we hurt others, we hurt God.
A good character regarding restrained speech is based in the fear of potentially upsetting the tenuous balance in our relationships. It’s the recognition that each person we encounter and have relationship with is a sovereign entity in that we all have unique significance to God himself. We’re all heavenly beings, spiritually speaking. We must respect all our neighbourly relationships for this exact reason; we hurt others, we hurt God.
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We can be best restrained and made more patient when we see love and justice as bigger and more relevant and attractive than we are in ourselves. The ‘true’ person sees this most if not all the time – yet, we all falter.
We can be best restrained and made more patient when we see love and justice as bigger and more relevant and attractive than we are in ourselves. The ‘true’ person sees this most if not all the time – yet, we all falter.
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It’s important to reinforce that a restrained character with the confidence to communicate with grace is learned – it cannot be “acquired” via a birthright!
It’s important to reinforce that a restrained character with the confidence to communicate with grace is learned – it cannot be “acquired” via a birthright!
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We can grow in wisdom but it requires time and sustained effort and study – and a propensity for resilience, to never give up.
We can grow in wisdom but it requires time and sustained effort and study – and a propensity for resilience, to never give up.
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To be wise is to see how God sees and to want that reality in all situations.
To be wise is to see how God sees and to want that reality in all situations.
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To be restrained is about not getting our own way – it’s foregoing the outcome we’d like and placing it back in God’s hands, recognising that it was never ours in the first place.
To be restrained is about not getting our own way – it’s foregoing the outcome we’d like and placing it back in God’s hands, recognising that it was never ours in the first place.
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It makes so much sense and saves so much pain when we hold back corrosive and caustic words in favour of a grace-filled, patient and loving approach.
It makes so much sense and saves so much pain when we hold back corrosive and caustic words in favour of a grace-filled, patient and loving approach.
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© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.
© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved Worldwide.
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[1] William Hodges & William G. B. Gant, The 4-Way Test: A Paper by Rotary International District Governor-Elect and Director, Rotary International. More information at www.rotary.org
[1] William Hodges & William G. B. Gant, The 4-Way Test: A Paper by Rotary International District Governor-Elect and Director, Rotary International. More information at www.rotary.org
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