It’s not about you!

The Purpose Driven Life (2002) is a book by American pastor, Rick Warren.  There are over 50 million copies in print and audio.  One of the most fascinating facts about this book is its first line.  Warren’s first sentence is, “It’s not about you!”

It’s an astounding way to start a book that is essentially a 40-day journey in learning the purpose of life.

That four-worded sentence that starts page one, we could say, is the beginning of wisdom.  If only we lived this truth out, we would live lives full of purpose and meaning.  

Let me explain in the only way I can, through some illustrations from the real days of my own life.

On the flight that I took yesterday and the one I’ll fly home on today, I selected an aisle seat and not a window seat.  I would very much love the view out of the window seat, but I pick the aisle seat every time I can for a simple reason.  I would rather be the person inconvenienced than inconvenience another, and it’s not because I’m a so-called “people-pleaser.”  There is deeper motive.  I exist to serve others, and in the serving of others, and making others feel special, God does something inside ME to remind me of the power there is in being a blessing.  

Doing things for others is good for me!
In actual fact, there’s no better investment 
in my own happiness than existing for others.  
Do this and you’ll discover it’s true for you, too.

It's the same with a cuddle I received from my 10-year-old son yesterday morning when he “mistakenly” woke me up at four in the morning before I left for the airport.  I needed to be wake at 5:10AM.  He woke me up for that brief cuddle because he NEEDED a quick cuddle.  I’m not sure he mistook the time at all, and if I had have been more focused on my sleep than on his love, I could have chastised him, sent him back to bed, complained of having been woken up, and I would have missed the opportunity to love him with the hug that he needed.  It’s not about me.  As parents, we are living sacrifices for our children.  How do we love other than being a living sacrifice? 

Being a little more tired in the morning 
is WORTH the sacrifice of affirming my son’s love.

I compensated by making the choice 
to get a nap on the plane.

The last example is a common one.  It is all too easy to say that my job (or anyone’s for that matter) and my workload (or anyone’s for that matter) has an insane and unsustainable pace about it.  A lot of the time I feel I’m doing three, four or six things at once.  Many people have warned me not to burn out (because people have), and their motivation is often correct and therefore, with empathy, beautiful.  But think of this.  A high and “unsustainable” workload is only one way to look at it.  There are degrees of perception.  

One day I will be gone.  What am I sowing?  What legacy am I leaving?  What am I even doing all this for?  To be remembered?  No!!  I’m doing this to build into OTHERS’ lives.  Period.  The legacy I’m leaving is I’m showing others how THEY can build into OTHERS’ lives.  It’s not about me.  When others realise it, it’s not about them either.

Going the extra mile, and turning the other cheek, both biblical phrases, invite us into the service of sacrifice.  Sacrifice requires faith, and faith engages hope, which we need anyway.  

Can you see that sacrifice actually engages 
what we all desperately need in this life?

Faith is vindicated in our seeing hope rise in others, 
THEN our hope is bolstered.

I want to finish on what we were born for.  We were born for resilience.  We were born to overcome.  Jesus, as the lamb who saves the world, is the archetypal saviour.  His three years of ministry before he was nailed to a Roman cross symbolised the life we are called to follow and live.  The resurrection is a symbol of overcoming against the odds.

We actually NEED to access this life 
to not only survive but to thrive.

What I want to impress upon everyone reading this article is BELIEF is supremely important in this life because it requires and invigorates HOPE.  

We are nothing on any quest without hope.

We were born for resilience, 
we were born to overcome, 
not to be defeated, 
and I can qualify this 
by the very fact that life is hard, 
life it is full of hardships.
FOR EVERYONE.

Overcoming is a quest for everyone.

~

But there is a way to succeed in life, 
and it is common to every life.

Thoughts and words and beliefs of defeat kill hope, and whilst we need to be realistic, we can also be grateful that we had what it took to keep going!  We got through.  Even when it seemed impossibly hard.  Just think of all the thousands and millions of heroes that got through their impossible challenges—we stand on the shoulders of those giants and we too, with the right supports, will get through, too.  

But we must believe.  We must access hope.  
For it is hopeless without hope.  
We are defeated before we begin without hope.

It’s not about you.  It’s not about me.  When we understand this, we are on the cusp of the right motivation that positions us for victory, because we will always win when humility is our way.

When we get it wrong, it isn’t the end, but merely the beginning, because trust builds when we have the humility to own our error, and to set it right.  Relationships don’t crumble because of conflict, they crumble when people don’t have the humility to own their wrongs.  When it’s not about me, when it’s not about you, we begin to live with a heart of empathy, and that gives us the power to right the wrongs that we do.  

Such empathy delivered through humility is leadership.

It’s not about you.  When we discover this, we discover the purpose of our lives, and life has meaning all of a sudden, and we become leaders overnight, because our heart has been set right.

Let me finish in this vein.  Recently, I heard Justin Langer the former Australian cricketer and coach speak.  He finished his presentation with an astounding statement.  

He said, 
“leadership is about making people feel special.”

My mother, whose soul rests now from this life, epitomised this.  She made every person who came into her orbit feel special.  She was such a wonderful example.  Think of an example in your own life, watch and adopt.

When we live such a life that we are compelled to make everyone around us feel special, we begin to live the life we were called into from the beginning.  We are not simply expressing leadership, we are expressing the very heart of life.  

We are here to TOUCH lives.

In a world that is often narcissistic, 
we become the antithesis 
through making people feel special.  

We show narcissism the opposite spirit, 
and we prove the power of humility.  

Wise persons will observe and adopt it.

Life’s not about you.  
Live this and watch your life expand in service.

~

A final word on motivation, because life can crush our spirit.

Allow good things to come and learn to let go.
Good things will come of their own accord as we sow good. 
Have faith to let it be so.
And be wise, diligent and prudent about your self-care.

This above is the heart of wisdom.