What you’ve got when you’ve got no idea what’s around the corner

This time 7 years ago, we had no idea what was about to hit us.  So many we talk to have had similar experiences.  It’s like the person we know who has only just gone public with his inoperable brain tumour.  The shock may wear off, but the incomprehensibility doesn’t.

Then the above question occurred to me: what did we have in those moments before Bad News Became Brokenness?

We had hope.

And yet, as it turned out, it was a false hope.  We believed for a reality that wouldn’t turn out to be ours.  In so many ways June 21, 2014, was the epitome of life, just days before life went all wrong—July 1st was the marker between one life and another; the day we learned our unborn son had a perilous condition and would ultimately die of it, full term by stillbirth.

And yet, in life going all wrong, was it really the case that life only went all wrong?

No.

In that season, we 

§     learned we had strength we didn’t previously know we had

§     saw in people a care and a concern we wouldn’t have otherwise seen

§     saw others we depended on who didn’t show up—and worse

§     met people who were previously strangers to us who’ve become lifelong friends

§     were tested beyond what we thought our limits were, and kept going (because we had to)

§     faced moments we never thought we’d have the courage for (because there was no other way)

§     saw God moving and prayers were answered as we felt carried by our faith

§     saw so many God-incidences in fact that they couldn’t have been coincidences

§     encountered God in more ways than we previously had or indeed would

§     saw doors open to us in many ways since because of the heart wrenching experiences we were only then adjusting to.

Still, it was taxing, and it was a period of our lives when our life path changed, and we didn’t get a say in it.  It happened to us.  Just like it’s happened to many of you!

What you’ve got before you receive news of loss is the blessing of a momentary reprieve you don’t even know that you’re having—so it’s due cause for gratitude and celebration when life is unstimulating or, hazard to say, even a little boring.

As I look back to that time 7 years ago, I sense an innocence of naivety, and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to tap me on the shoulder and warn me about what was about to take place.

The mystery of life is such that none of us knows quite what’s about to come in and intrude to redefine in us what peace, hope and joy are.

Yet, we don’t want to live with that anxious uncertainly hanging over our heads.  Only when it’s real does it occur to us how different grief is compared to the ‘normal’ experience of life.

The person who reads this and says ‘Ah, yes!’ knows full well the dialogical character of life.  Life experience teaches us that there’s life, and then there’s life deeper than ever you could previously have contemplated.

One of the good things about that latter kind of life is WHO it connects you with.  There’s a knowing look in the eye, an instant empathy, a connection that comes with hardly a word spoken.

Yes, out of experiences of utter brokenness good does come.

What you’ve got when you’ve got no idea what’s around the corner is no insight of what I’ve just described.  That’s okay.

It’s a gift to gain insight of the deeper life that many are blind to, but it’s not a gift that we instantly treasure.  You only treasure it as you look back, noticing that you’re being carried, that you’re drawing on strength you do not have.

It’s surprising what we’re all capable of when we’re humble and weak.

Image: treasured family photograph taken on June 21, 2014.