The one and only thing addicts and abusers need to do to heal for the benefit of themselves and others

The absolute pivot point in human recalcitrance is refusing to take responsibility for what is ours and ours alone.  This is a universal truth.  The effect is those who refuse to take the only power they have make their own lives and all those around them miserable.

If only they would take a deep look inward, stop blaming others, and start to see and respond to what only they themselves can.

I can tell you who will end up in problems with addiction and abusing others — those who constantly blame others for what only they themselves can do.

But for the one who begins to take his responsibility, the sky’s the limit as far as what he will be able to do.  His internal locus of control makes him the master of his own destiny.  Stuff doesn’t just happen against him.  He sees himself as an active player in his world.

In recovery, using something akin to the twelve steps, the make-or-break is the matter of honesty — the ability (or not) to take responsibility for everything we have done or not done.  Recovery is what both the addict and the abuser need.  They have a common ally: honesty, if only they’re humble enough.

I’m not writing anything here I haven’t wrestled with personally.  I myself was the benefactor of the twelve-step program through gut-wrenching honesty every step of the way.  Recovery teaches you honesty and accountability.  And these are the keys to a life of honour for the person and all those impacted by them.

Learning that brutal honesty each step of the way is a personal and interpersonal blessing to all, wisdom dictates it’s the only way forward.

The one thing addicts and abusers can do to heal for the benefit of everyone, not least themselves, is to admit their lives are out of control; that the damage they’ve wreaked is the result of their incapacity to face themselves and others.  There is a refusal to relate with both themselves and others.  In refusing to face the realities everyone close to them can see, they refuse access to their own healing.  It is an outrageous tragedy.

Anytime we face the truth, we’re on the cusp of being set free.  Let the process begin for those who are willing to own inconvenient and even ugly truths.

But those who refuse to face reality are destined to cause a mountain of pain for themselves and others.

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash