What people really appreciate about their pastors

Life is in stories, so let me share a few with you.  The first one is about a woman with a horrifically traumatic past coming back to the church and being met by a pastor who listened, who assumed a few things, and who was actually found wanting.  He messed it up initially.  The whole event left the woman quite triggered.  But amazingly, in the process of her tearing strips off him, he showed his poise, was not the least bit offended, and indeed listened humbly and sincerely apologised.  That event was this woman’s first experience of a church leader ever apologising.  Simple as it might sound, it was a powerfully healing moment.

The second story is about a young family who was moving home, from a share home to another more spacious.  Their pastor, a woman 10 years further along in life, was quite prepared to help coordinate a small team to help out; the pastor and a few young (and not-so-young) guys and gals who helped with both moving things and cleaning.  They all had fun doing something productive together, and they helped mates out who literally couldn’t have done it without them.  Many pastoral moments were had during this time.

The third story is of a country pastor who found himself giving trauma therapy to a parishioner due to the issues of distance and the non-availability of a suitable professional.  You might ask how?  Surely he was unqualified.  Well, it seemed that he was God’s pick to assist, and the assistance he gave was profoundly simple.  He didn’t speak much.  The parishioner would do most if not all the speaking, and in sharing his story, precious therapy was received.  This pastor simply had a gift for both integrity and of getting out of the Holy Spirit’s way.

The fourth and final story was of a person who came to a church desperate for help.  Food actually, and a little money.  This person had no idea the interest the pastor would take in the deeper issues in her life.  When she simply asked, “You seem anxious and unhappy; is there anything else bothering you other than a lack of food and money?” it was quickly identified that a bureaucratic bungle had significantly affected the young woman’s life.  The pastor was able to not only connect the young woman with advocacy help to correct this injustice but committed to a journey walking with her during the ordeal.

You know I could go on, but I think you see where I’m going with this.  Being a minister for God is not only about teaching people the ways of God, it is just as much being the person of Jesus, and being an exemplar to that end, as it is anything else.  This is what I call ‘incarnational ministry’ in that, as ministers, counsellors, chaplains, we are the very Presence of God.

Much of this is about getting out of God’s way, which is paradoxically not just a passive activity.  It is the skill of knowing the timing and method of making ourselves small so God can be bigger in the picture of another person’s life.

I have always found it amazing the ways that God honours the servant who makes themselves small for divine service.  This smallness is not about being bashful; it’s purely about so other-focused that God’s Spirit works through us as if we ourselves weren’t even present.  But of course we are present, and our presence just adds to the mystique of the Presence of God amid the life of the one seeking communion with the divine.

It’s easy to forget that pastors are not centrally administrators or managers, but they are shepherds guiding the flock, prophesying encouragement, teaching the leadership of the Spirit, and perhaps most of all, discerners of what God is saying (and very much mostly to themselves as models of this).  A little like a relationship with a counsellor or chaplain, the relationship with a pastor is a unique and always to be the most platonic relationship.

As a pastor anticipates the eternal Presence of the Spirit amid any and all pastoral situations, they are blessed to receive the only help they will ever need; help that the person they’re helping needs and is looking for; help that will heal.  The help of the Helper, the Holy Spirit.  It’s all that matters.

Photo by Mohamad Babayan on Unsplash