“Some might argue that the Holy Spirit makes us good people who no longer get into conflicts. The Biblical witness [on the other hand] recognises conflict as an integral part of what God uses to grow us up!”
— Tim Otter
I’ve met Christians who have said they no longer sin; almost as if they’ve ‘healed’ in this way. And although most Christians would ‘pfft’ that attitude, most if not all of us who follow Christ would like to think we’re beyond sin. Sinning is never a comfortable state to be caught in — whether it’s us who detects it or, worse, someone else exposes it.
But actually, we do sin, and this is what separates Christians from those who are not — as Christians we accept we have a sinful nature. It takes maturity, punctuated most in honest humility, to resolve the moment of having missed the mark; to receive humiliation of the flesh gracefully in order to ‘pour contempt on our pride’ as the old hymn, When I Survey the Wondrous Cross (Isaac Watts, 1707) puts it.
The Divine Role of Conflict in a Believer’s Life
Sin is especially borne out in our relationships through conflict. God uses conflict in our lives to grow us up! Conflict, in its briefest definition, is the frustration of our goals and desires. Let’s face it, all of us have the potential to become riled up in a state of conflict in seconds in any number of relational situations. Being human is the only prerequisite. We hate being misunderstood, for just one instance.
Now God knows we can’t be helped if we can’t admit our frailties, failures and faults; that our only hope is to admit our brokenness point blank, straight up; that we get absolutely no practise at exercising humility without pursuing reconciliation in our relationships; and, that the gospel is inherently redemptive and that conflict has a central role in all our lives, just as God pursued reconciliation (and achieved it!) with us at the cross.
Many people would prefer that they were beyond getting into conflicts. It saves us shame and humiliation, and it gives us a lot more control and makes us feel more powerful, because, let’s face it, the ardent desire to want to be beyond conflict is often more about the issue of control and of feeling powerful than it is about blessing others. We are innately creatures who seek our own comfort to the detriment of others’ comfort.
The Various Choices in Conflict
People can avoid conflict, have their own way, and save face, all by pretending that there is no conflict, all the while maintaining control, feigning the power they pretend they have. But, there is no truth in this, there are no brave conversations had, there is no faith shown, there is no speaking the truth in love, there is no forgiveness given and received, only the manufacture of a set of circumstances that any of us can procure in our own effort.
People can fight their way out of conflict, imagining that they’re right, or that their aggressive actions are justified. They can lord it over others, misusing and abusing their personal power, or their positional power, by using a coercive power that insists on controlling others. But there is only damage done to relationships via hostility. There is nothing of God’s power in this kind of response.
But people who actively have God search their heart (Psalm 139:23-24) for their own contribution to conflict are much more than Christian by name alone; they follow Christ’s teaching through repentance. Their life is no longer their own; it is Christ’s. This is because they can face this humiliation of the flesh for the glory of God.
Where the Holy Spirit has been relegated, the divine effect is annulled. There is none of God’s power in such a life. God is relational and redemptive in nature. Those who refuse to deal with the truth of their sinful desire do not do the work of repentance for reconciliation, and they refuse to abide by Christ’s final command: love one another.
Signs of a Pathological Belief
Self-righteous Christians are dangerous Christians, because they believe in a falsehood of power and control, and what often underpins this belief in a falsehood of power and control is that, deeper down, they think they’re better than others.
They therefore avoid conflicts, not out of doing the other person a favour, but out of face-saving, and projecting that they have power and control, which is all rooted in fear. Their motive is not about the other person at all. It’s actually very self-serving. Their motive is to curate their image and manage impressions. Their god is anything but God. And yet, we all must face the fact that at times we’ve fallen for the sin of not acknowledging our sin.
If someone ever says, “I no longer sin,” or, “If there are any problems between us, you must be the one at fault,” and “If you have a problem, that’s your problem; it will never be mine,” we have a big problem. Find yourself in such a situation and you quickly find the other person does not love to the extent that they’re prepared to work through the conflict. They would as much abandon you than do the hard graft of collaborating with you in getting the relationship genuinely back on track. Such relationships are unsustainable.
You may think this is fanciful, but there are very many Christians that live this way, based in such a belief that they have overcome their sin, and been healed summarily. (And they may be so deceived as to think, “You may not be healed, but I am,” which projects superiority out of pride, not virtue.) On the contrary, they have fallen for a massive lie. And to the end of their relationships, they will only be a source of damage, betrayal and pain.
Sometimes we are led to think that these situations don’t actually occur; that there is no such thing as a Christian who thinks they know longer sin. I think that can be a reflection of who we have come to associate with. It may actually be a healthy affirmation that our social circle is full of Christians who are living an authentic, repentant faith. We may quickly forget the Christians who think the sin problem has been addressed.
Think about it. People who think they don’t have a sin problem create many problems for others and are basically impossible over the long run to relate with. When, from the context of our relationships, the problems we have can only be ‘our’ problems, we can have no sustainable relationship with such people, because, let’s face it, it’s only a matter of time before any closely connected relationship faces some crisis of conflict — relationships must be a two-way street.
I guess the converse of this is a situation where you find yourself in conflict with a Christian and they absolutely cannot see their own contribution — even if it was only 10 percent of the fault. When they say, “It’s all your fault/none of this was my fault” they are really saying they don’t sin.
When Christians approach conflict demonstrating the capacity to see their own contribution, and the other is capable too, the hope of Jesus’ gospel of peace is a living possibility, where even situations involving great pain between parties to the conflict can be reconciled.
Christians who live out the gospel in this way show that they’re, “blessed to be a peacemaker,” because they justify the tag, “child of God.” (See Matthew 5:9)
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