On the spiritual abuse of, “It’s sinful to make comparisons”

I always hope that mine will be an honest voice, and I know I’m not alone in holding to that goal.  I always want to call out attitudes and behaviours that cause us consternation — like, “Do NOT sin; try harder!” — particularly because people with them fail to accept our human condition.  I know we can certainly not try hard enough in life, and we all have those days, and many of us have had entire seasons like this for that matter, but I find that most people struggle more often with trying too hard.  We seem to have the opposite problem.  More is it the case that we need to speak life through realism.

When we as people are trying harder than ever, there are default attitudes and behaviours that we all struggle with.  Some people will deny it, but I think this is woven into our human psyche.

Here is one fact.  It tends to be our habit.  We all make comparisons.  It’s silly to say we don’t (or shouldn’t), because we all look over the fence to notice whether the grass is growing better over there or not.  The key point is more, WHO are we comparing with and WHY.

It’s too easy for a leader, mentor or friend to tell you to stop doing something.  It might be okay if you have the capacity to stop doing the thing they are telling you to stop doing.  Well, ideally, there would be no telling.  Guiding isn’t telling.  Guiding is, “Here’s what has worked for me; you are free to try it or something similar, but that’s up to you.”  But too many people take it upon themselves to be insistent that we stop doing something; in this instance it’s to stop comparing ourselves with others.

It does us no harm to compare with others, if we accept that we will do it, whether we are told not to do it or not.  Rather than wholesale change, it would be better to be coached on who to compare with and why.

There is always a dilemma with making comparisons, because we tend to make comparisons with the wrong people.  If anyone has hurt us, especially where the hurt isn’t reconciled, there is a strong temptation to compete with these individuals through comparison.  Of course, this isn’t healthy, and we know it.  They are the last people we want to be comparing ourselves to, yet deep down we may want justice to catch up with them.  Or, at times we’ll compare with a contemporary who’s had more success than we have.  Again, it’s about competition.  Not a good comparison.  Not the right WHO or WHY.  The right WHO is about a person who calls us to a better self, and the right WHY is about being better followers of Christ.

If a particular person catches wind that we have made any comparisons, however, we know how they’ll respond.  We’re met with their disapproval, which is supposed to convict us.  They will expect that we’ll repent of the deed of comparison, as they admonish us: “It’s sinful to compare with others [sense their legalism], you know that — we’ve discussed this before — try harder [again, sense their legalism] from now on [to be perfect].”  They make no account of our humanity, and these kinds of people expect a level of perfection that is unattainable.  These kinds of people help create the berating perfectionist in us.  Little wonder many of us have struggled in our relationship with ourselves.

It would be far better if we accepted the drive within to observe others amid our observation of our own lives, and ponder a healthier model, like making comparisons not so much with people we might otherwise compete with, but with people who are worth emulating.

Have you noticed that if you compare yourself with Maya Angelou or Desmond Tutu, you will only get better?  There is no envy, no striving, no lack of peace.  Emulating other people we admire isn’t unbiblical.  We follow another person as a mentor as they follow Christ.  Paul said that in 1 Corinthians 11:1: “Follow me as I follow Christ.”  Emulating the right people is a very godly activity.  See how trying to stop all comparison is both nonsensical and even unbiblical?

But a legalistic person, heaven help us if they are a leader, will insist that no comparisons be made, and the only way they will be pleased — because they insist on being pleased — is if we feign what is the reality for us all.  And the worst kind of this variety of leader is the one who only allows comparison with themselves, as if they were Christ themselves.  Such a narcissist will be impossible to please, and they are exactly the wrong kind of person we should be emulating.  Indeed, some people will insist we refrain from comparing with anyone, unless it is them we are comparing ourselves with.  We need to be aware of these people and avoid them.

So don’t feel guilty if you catch yourself comparing yourself with others.  Instead use it as a reminder that there are plenty of people worth comparing to; those who call us, by their example, to follow the example of Christ.

Photo by Daniel Norin on Unsplash