Ever been told you haven’t enough faith or don’t pray enough?

If so, you’ve been spiritually abused. And it’s not your fault. No, not ever. You are not the one who sinned; you have been sinned against. And I’m so sorry that this happened to you.

I’ve heard of dozens of anecdotal accounts where people claim to have heard these things said to them. Some of these people have shaken the dust of the church off their feet — in obedience to their Lord (Matthew 10:14), but to the overall detriment of their faith lives, because many do not darken the doors of church again.

They have been let down by the so-called godly person who has fallen into a common error of religious legalism.

Entire lives have been shaped by cruel and wicked things said, particularly by those who have power. But these things can be just as hurtful when said by lay people who think they’re speaking for God.

Our friends and family members:

-       did not die of cancer because we or they didn’t pray enough;

-       did not fail to overcome their addiction because we failed them or didn’t do enough;

-       did not suffer disability because God was punishing us or them somehow;

-       did not or do not self-harm or suicide because we didn’t love them enough;

-       are not of a ‘non-standard’ sexual orientation because of something we or they did or didn’t do;

-       the list goes on.

Our friends and family members experienced these things because life is indiscriminate. It’s often the case that those who have experienced these kinds of things are the ones who truly know how indiscriminate life is.

We did not suffer misfortune because we:

-       didn’t pray enough or the right way;

-       didn’t read the Bible enough or the right way (or the right Bible).

We suffered misfortune because life often works out that way. We did not suffer disease, a disorder, or a syndrome because of something we did or did not do.

People who spout these kinds of things are not only abusing people spiritually, they also demonstrate they’re least qualified to counsel people in the very areas people are most vulnerable.

Spiritual abuse is such a crime against God that Jesus warned his disciples about what would happen: “If anyone causes one of these little ones — those who believe in me — to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6) “Little ones” refers to vulnerable ones — anyone in the category of the ‘least of these’, which is potentially any of us when we find ourselves disadvantaged in any sort of way. “Those who believe in me” are those who trust their vulnerability to goodness, only to very often find what they thought was good is abusive. In other words, if Jesus puts us in a position to care as he would care, we spurn that honour when we abuse people.

See how Jesus turns it all back around on the person who would spiritually abuse us? He uses a very powerful negative metaphor — “… it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” — to motivate us to not abuse.

There is more faith in letting mysteries alone, and simply agreeing we can never tie certain effects to certain causes — none of us is God!

And be careful of those who might subtly suggest that it’s your fault. Some things we do cause, but the sins involved here are readily and easily apparent. Intangible linkages are never helpful, especially because they’re laden with conjecture.

Of all the crimes against God, surely one of the worst is that of spiritual abuse that plays God and sends those of God away from God.

Spiritual abuse is a deception first done in the abuser before it is cast upon the victim who is, at worst, deceived, facing self-condemnation; and at most resilient, belligerent, facing a charge of sin for having retaliated having been sinned against. See how abuse sets the victim (or the survivor of the abuse) up to be wrong whichever way they go?

Photo by Feliphe Schiarolli on Unsplash