The double-whammy of Anxiety AND Depression

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My graduate training in counselling came at an interesting time in my life. It helped me overcome my social awkwardness, and ended up being the catapult into pastoral ministry, which is what I always wanted to do. I had to try to become a counsellor to be converted to being a pastor who counsels.

But first I needed to deal with my social awkwardness, which was not borne of a lack of ability, but the lack of passion to deal with people. Now I simply love working with people. What I tackled and overcame in 2012 was the miracle for me of that year. You only need to ask my wife. I changed overnight.

But that is not what this article is about, albeit that I mention social awkwardness, which is often a marker of anxiety.

In the counselling program I undertook, I’ll never forget one of my wise lecturers referring to the condition of mental ill-health that comprised a combination of anxiety and depression. She called it a double-whammy. It is so apt. And it’s so apt to describe grief in such terms.

We could call this double-whammy the state of dread. That is the kind of existential experience that is devoid of hope, and it feels like life is worse than death.

Such a feeling of dread sees not only nothing positive in the present and future, but overwhelming doubt that both present and future are even liveable.

I have heard so many people who had never before experienced this double-whammy of anxiety and depression, piqued often by grief, who had then come to experience it, disbelieving the calamitous intensity of the lived experience of pain beyond measure. That is close to a good description. We had never before contemplated that the lived experience of life could involve so much brutalising pain.

The double-whammy of anxiety and depression is a simultaneous death in the moment combined with the death of hope for the future in a despair that clings like the odour of smoke after a hot fire has charred the remains of everything combustible.

I have experienced anxiety without depression, just as I have experienced depression without anxiety, and yet, having experienced them in combination, I would say that the dread that evokes panic attacks that consumes already depleted resources, seemed almost unfair. It is too much. And the product of this experience is that it drives us into the kind of despair that threatens our lives.

Our world needs more empathy for people affected.

It’s a pity that only those who have suffered this kind of double-whammy condition can really attest to how brutal it is.

Encouragement I offer to those who are in this kind of double-whammy land:

1.     Recognise that it won’t always be this way. This, too, shall pass. The mind needs to tell the heart that there is hope. The mind needs to inspire the heart to believe the truth: that change does inevitably come.

2.     Be gentle with yourself. The words of Desiderata have often been a comfort to me. You are not alone, you deserve to be here, and you belong here for such a time as this.

3.     It may sound a weird thing to do at this point, but you could do worse than ask God, “What is there to learn in the dread of this situation?” Such a question could lead you nowhere, but it could also lead you into a healthy state of curiosity, and even of passion to understand what so many people struggle with. God is gracing you with understanding, for understanding cannot come in this arena without experience.

4.     Envision a time in the future where some of your goals are realised. Crystallise that picture. Own what it is that feels good. Understand what it could be that would make the difference.

5.     On a strong day, don’t be afraid to look backwards, to unpack the mystery of your history. There is always more healing to be done. But acknowledge that it takes bravery, and from dread bravery for extracurricular ventures is in short supply.

6.     Try to engage with your humour. Humour isn’t everything, but it can be wonderful to alleviate anxiety.

7.     And go see your doctor or find a doctor who is empathic. Get medical support and be open to a multi-disciplinary approach.