Photo by Paola Chaaya on Unsplash
Here is a poignant question that rests awkwardly on many a
victim’s heart.
“What is it
about power that makes powerful people abuse it
without seeming to know that they’re abusing it?”
— source of quoted question
without seeming to know that they’re abusing it?”
— source of quoted question
We know that there are perpetrators of abuse that seem to revel
in it. But much abuse occurs because the abuser thinks they’ve got a right to
do what they do. It’s a deception. They’re deceived. And they will argue black
and blue that they did it for good reasons. They don’t seem to have any
understanding, or even want to understand, the impact of their behaviour.
Perhaps we can surmise that there is a reasonable explanation
for the total ignorance in those who would abuse power, like hubris
syndrome. Power that is held for a long
time, that finds ongoing success, and has relative liberty; well, that power —
hubris syndrome suggests — is dangerous. And key danger is a deficit develops:
empathy tends to leak away from the successful person who earns power.
The more successful a person,
the more their empathy can leak.
the more their empathy can leak.
Sustained success in any field is potentially dangerous because
empathy — importantly, the capacity
to empathise — can ebb away. It is the greatest of human tragedies when care
takes a back seat with people who have power even over one life.
When Empathy Becomes Skill
How much worse is it that a leader can fake empathy — that a key
part of the leadership performance is to ‘put on’ empathy when it will
advantage them instead of wearing it everywhere they go. One is a manipulative
spirit, coercing for self-gain, but perhaps under the guise of doing a common
good; the other is a heart transformed and operated by God. One is saved for
particular occasions to maximise positive emotional impact; the other is a way
of life done not for the approval of men, but for the approval of God. One is
the kind of thinking that is selectively deployed; the other is a way of thought
that tends to always be thinking about others.
There are many professions as well of many kinds of people who
are tempted to develop empathy as a skill. But empathy is a matter of the
heart, and even though empathy can be faked, God is fooled by nobody. God
inevitably catches up with those who fake or signal virtue.
What underlies a faked empathy is, ironically, narcissism. What
looks like empathy isn’t always the case.
The Root of Narcissism
I can tell you from my studies into narcissism, that narcissists
lack empathy, exploit people, and feel entitled to do it. Yet, we are all
capable of being narcissistic, especially when we are tempted to gain something
through using people. This explains why successful people are prone to abusing
people; in every field of endeavour, a lot of work is involved in sustaining
success. It never comes easily, and it’s always harder to sustain than we would
ever think. The pressure to succeed tempts us to subvert an honourable ethic
for the sort of power that can be gained furtively.
… narcissists lack empathy,
exploit people,
and feel entitled to do it.
exploit people,
and feel entitled to do it.
None of us likes to be thought of or seen as narcissistic, and
this especially applies to those who would abuse power. This probably explains
why someone who would abuse power might be completely unconscious of it, not
see it as an abuse, and even justify their behaviour.
If we will live accountable lives before God, our Lord will show
us where we are tempted to blur into the kind of narcissistic attitude that
potentially abuses people through the misuse of our power.
The person who denies their capacity for narcissism
is in danger of using narcissism to abuse.
is in danger of using narcissism to abuse.
We started with a poignant question that rests awkwardly on many
a victim’s heart.
“What is it
about power that makes powerful people abuse it
without seeming to know that they’re abusing it?”
— source of quoted question
without seeming to know that they’re abusing it?”
— source of quoted question
There is certainly the reality of hubris syndrome, but if we
truly wish not to abuse others, and allow God to nurture empathy within us,
then we will see our capacity to abuse people and situations possibly before, and even as, the abuse takes place. And when it does take place, hopefully,
there will be an awareness that provides impetus for restitution via a suitably
acceptable apology.
There is no substitute for being
accountable to God in everything we do.
accountable to God in everything we do.
Why does the abuser abuse?
… because they lack empathy.
… because they lack empathy.
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