On Feeble Knees Before Jesus

The day my life changed – and changed for good, in so many ways – was, of itself, the worst of all days. Alone in my flat, without another soul there, and a soul loneliness impinging toward pain and possibly numbness, I switched the television on. It was a Saturday morning. And of all things my eyes could’ve seen, it was a TV evangelist saying the words, “Jesus knows your pain, he knows your need, and he knows your prayer, but now it’s time to pray that prayer, to have that need met, and to be healed of that pain. Will you pray this prayer with me?”

And so it began. I prayed that prayer. On my knees before Jesus, I prayed that prayer with my forearms lent on a worn lounge cushion, my elbows impressing themselves into the grotty arms of the chair, tears streaming from my eyes.

I prayed that prayer with earnestness I never knew I had in me. I had given my life to Jesus, ironically 13 years, nearly, since the first time I gave my life to Jesus.

Suddenly I comprehended what I’d missed all those years ago. A peace came over me that is so hard to describe, and bears no need of description. I was met that day by the risen Lord Jesus, who came into my heart by the Holy Spirit, afresh, in order that I would truly believe.

I needed to pray this prayer, because, if this wasn’t my absolute rock bottom in a season of rock bottoms, I didn’t know what it was. My life was over. A new life had to come. I had no hope otherwise, so in a real fashion I was rescued, saved, delivered, sanctified even on the spot.

I found it bizarre how only moments earlier I had considered a dire choice. Thankfully, just in time, God provided the way out through the simple decision to turn the television on at that precise moment.

Frankly, I didn’t care how God would come into my life. As I said, my life was over. I had truly come to the end of myself. Hopelessness and helplessness dominated my mindset, and my heart was broken to smithereens.

But God, in all his abundant grace, took me into his Divine Presence that moment and saved me from a life that was no longer a life at all. Peace it was the came over me, and later it was hope, which was the fuel for faith, and the strength behind the forgiveness I both needed and needed to exemplify for others.

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The TV evangelist said, “Jesus knows your pain, he knows your need, and he knows your prayer, so now it’s time to pray that prayer, to have that need met, and to be healed of that pain. Will you pray this prayer with me?”

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.