When Moon Sinks and Sun’s Disappeared

Weary, deep and tired, in the strains,

The strains of life,

Having been shackled to the pains,

The pains of deepest strife.

Fathoms of disconnection,

Boiling is the ache,

The ache of the soul’s dereliction,

Having lost any feeling of stake.

When the moon surely sinks,

And sun’s disappeared,

There’s no sign of winks,

That would normally have us cheered.

Arms are what we need,

Arms warm and wide,

Sowing in love’s seed,

So at last we can abide.

Abiding’s all we crave,

At last a place to fit,

Crawling out of our cave,

And in courage we do sit.

Melodies of madness,

Have truly had their run,

Belief’s now beyond badness,

The hope of sadness done.

Climbing out of the cave,

A victory dance to boot,

Everything we gave,

Just so grace could take root.

***

The period 2010 to 2012 was a testing one for me. The first year of that period was the culmination of a few good years of achievement and safety in space for peace. I had made my contribution. The final two years of that period I often felt that the moon had sunken and that the sun had disappeared. I battled symptoms of unconscious anxiety, and finally gave way to acknowledgement that I had become depressed. Then I turned a corner, having searched God in these matters for some meaning; some solution.

It felt like I plummeted into an abyss, where many things I valued became no more. These were mainly workplace issues. Everything at home was hunky-dory.

But then I found, again and afresh, the excruciating but fascinating reality; the abyss has no bottom. In climbing out of the abyss I needed to dig deeper into it. I realised God had brought me to a turning point, and with abandon I had to let go of what was. In doing that, in going from a career where I had literally reached the top, God was asking me to drop my pride, and to go into a direction I had prayed long for, but saw no vision of either path or arrival point.

The beautiful thing about moons that have sunken and suns that have disappeared is the thing about them when they return. They always return, brighter than ever.

God doesn’t give us everything we want when we want it.

God gives us what we need for now. Sometimes we need a time where our moon has sunken and our sun has disappeared; where we, without light, draw in on God. Of course, God comes close at these times, guiding us along his path, where we, with courage, can navigate our way through the tremulous season that imbues our present lives.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.