God Believes in Me Even When I Don’t

It is hard to reconcile to a life that sometimes just doesn’t seem to fit or work. Recently as I lamented my ongoing misfortune and lack of resources to deal with the situations that lay before me and I wondered, I truly did, whether God was playing this big joke on me. You know the thing where bad things happen in threes... well three was some time back!

Yet, in a sober-minded moment I looked back over my recent past and I was amazed to consider how fortunate I’d actually been otherwise. Life sure doesn’t turn out very predictably. People, situations, events... ‘These all conspire against me,’ I got back to thinking, going back to my pity party. And back and forth on the slippery slide I went.

God knows what we’re like; we are given to dissatisfaction, envy and distrust in a second. And even in this he understands us in his grace.

God created not only you and I and the universe and all that is in it, but he created the principle of transfiguration i.e. he created us to be transfigured—not once, but thousands of times. He knew we’d fall asleep on the watches of the night. He knew we’d disown him over and again. He knew we’d trespass each other. He knows we have ongoing problems with these very issues and much more.

I couldn’t imagine the amount of times I’ve given up on myself in a moment of despair. Sure, it might not be so regular these days, but the smallest thing (in comparison to the vastness of God) does it. I am so underwhelmed by myself at times. But not God; he believes in me.

And if I struggle to have the least skerrick of strength I always seem to find wonderful examples of humanity that soar to great heights—unlike me! Comparisons are never good when I’m in this frame of mind. ‘Get back to God,’ I say to myself again.

God created me to be transfigured again and again like the next man or woman, like a winter into springtime. He’s the heavenly parent who when we fall to the ground gently encourages us to get back up and dust ourselves off.

There’s nothing quite like being in the lap of God. It’s the best form of loneliness.

He believes in me even when I don’t.