The Tangles of English Communication

“Can you make sure the dishes are dry tonight, please?” This simple statement made by my wife recently can be understood two ways. Make sure the dishes are actually dry (noun, ‘dry dish’) in the cupboard versus the process of drying (verb) the dishes--that they are dried.

It was not as if the question was deliberately ambiguous; in fact, from the sender’s viewpoint it was quite clear and direct. The receiver can easily, however, hear a lack of clarity.

It was fortunate that I sought clarification on this question. I had taken the question to refer to the former i.e. that the dishes were actually put away dry as opposed to my wife’s actual request that the dishes be dried, tonight.

When we mused at the kitchen table about this, we discovered together how tangled language can be. There’s the sender-receiver, transmission-reception process which is fraught with all sorts of potential complications. There are also the myriad of compounding assumption and distraction (inattention) issues to be considered. There are other issues too.

Effective communication is hard work. It requires diligence and prudence all the way, at every step. Often we need to simply slow down and check the information every now and then.

I’m thankful that on this occasion I acted on the hunch inside me (I often don’t and get it wrong as a result); it was only a little hunch and I responded to it, leaving little opportunity for an intra-marital conflict to emanate due to my abject lack of understanding of what my wife really wanted.

The skill of listening is the cornerstone of communication, for we too often screen information only through our own perspective, leaving ninety percent or more of reality to chance--there’s a big chance for those assumptions to be dead wrong!

Never assume, always confirm.

Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.