On Suicide...

[This is not an article glamorising suicide.]

Life is incredulous. How can it be that one moment we can be at our total depth, helpless and completely vulnerable, and then, only a matter of hours later, we’re at peace again? The next step, miraculously, we find a way out.

February 23, 2004, was a day I will never forget. In fact, that few days ensuing from this date was unforgettable. I had been separated from my then wife for five months and was seemingly over the worst of the grief of the event of separation.

Without much warning I swan-dived into an abyss. I recall being at work and being all at sea for the entire morning. Desperate for solace I contacted a helpline and chatted for twenty minutes or so. It didn’t really help me.

When I reached the end of my tether I visited the site manager and explained I needed time off--he was very sympathetic having only recently gone through the pain of separation himself.

I can recall feeling so overwhelmed and consumed with sorrow and perplexity, the process was mentally torturous. I was rapidly reaching the end of my reasonable mind.

Without going into the sordid details, I approached what I’d call a ‘fork in the road.’ At this point I had an option to end it all, or try (once again) to seek help. God helped me as I instinctively chose the latter option.

A matter of an hour or two later, I had had that cleansing, loving and encouraging chat with my parents on the patio of their home that proved pivotal and turned the corner for me. It was one of the most defining points in my life.

How often do people suicide when that turning point might still be part of their near destinies? Salvation is closer than we think.

This event for me was the second time I had experienced such reason that saved me from a perilous end. The legacy of my daughters pulled me through.

My brother-in-law told me recently of his mechanic who’d suicided and left a young wife and newborn child. There were no warning signs apparently. It’s senseless.

I always wonder in these situations... on the other side, would he be thinking, “Why did I do that,” as he faces possible eternal purgatory and separation from his partner and child (and future children), life, grandchildren etc.

Once death occurs, that’s it. It might seem obvious, but we only die once. Once we’ve died it’s over; life’s too short. None of us get enough time here, so why would we (in our right minds) end it?

Yet, the reality is many do it; succeed that is. Right now, this very minute, people all around the world are ending their lives, bringing an end to the potential of life, and sorrow to those who remain. Some perhaps do it because they tire of life; fatigue does it in the end. Some do it due to unfit mind; others perhaps mistakenly succeed... now, that’s a huge tragedy.

It’s a tragedy that I can personally identify with and I think most people have been touched by it.

As a society, we must do more for this hidden dilemma. We never hear of it until we’re hit personally with it. We must raise or create more awareness. We have to do something to prevent at least some of these tragedies.

We somehow must get the message out there that deliverance, recovery and life is close at hand if we don’t give up.

[To end my story which I started initially... from February 23, 2004 I experienced more spiritual recovery and the ensuing few months saw much strengthening occur within me. It was part of the journey for me in becoming the more well-adjusted person I am today. I am very thankful to God for it.]

Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.