The Husband’s Secret to Marriage

This is unapologetically biblical, but it works as it’s enshrined in the completeness of love.

Imagine, as a husband, being perfectly supportive, gentle, affectionate, forbearing and forgiving. This is the picture of the husband of the inwardly happy wife.

The apostle Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.” –Colossians 3:19 (Amplified).

It might seem an overly simplistic thing to say and do, but I believe this is the foundation of the marriage relationship--for the husband.

Attending to Bitterness in Marriage

Looking further into the Greek, the original language this Scripture was written in, the word pikrainesthe requires some explanation but it’s effectively picked up in the Amplified Bible translation.

Pikrainesthe means “to be embittered, to grow angry, harsh.”

As husbands, we can too easily become critical and harsh, exasperating and irritating, and this in turn creates a distancing in the marriage, and our wives lose respect for us. In effect, the wife won’t feel loved and this is based primarily in a lack of trust. Trust is the cornerstone of any marriage. Trust is as critical to women as respect is for men.

This instruction to the husband is targeted towards his heart.[1] It is taken to mean that the husband should not only not be bitter, but be responsible also to ensure no bitterness comes into the marriage.

John Phillips says bitterness can come from either partner, from a ‘raised eyebrow’ to a ‘sneer’ at the other’s quirks, desires, needs or interests.[2] These events are like malignant cells; tumours form eventually and death follows.

These issues need to be treated gently but firmly (for which the husband is responsible) to ensure differences don’t turn into bitterness. The husband is not charged with doing it but seeing to it, in patient love, over time.

Engendering Love in Marriage

Another appropriate Greek word in this verse is the word for ‘love,’ agapate. This is a strong love. It is treating her as we would a sister, by watching out for her and being forever consumed by her welfare.

This husbandly responsibility is what, in part, is meant by the previous verse which requires wives to submit to their husbands--this is one of the most taken-out-of-context verses in the Bible. Husbands are simply responsible for the health of the marriage.

The Goal of Marriage

When a wife can submit to her husband, and he takes no advantage, but blesses her with his agape love, he is fulfilling the intended result of Colossians 3:19. That’s the outcome. The husband and wife are ‘one flesh.’

If the husband can work hard at his marriage, being consistently considerate in his love for her, and attend to the inevitable marital issues that crop up, he will almost certainly have a happy wife who trusts and respects him, and a marriage to last a lifetime.

Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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ENDNOTES:
[1] John Phillips, Exploring Colossians and Philemon – The John Phillips Commentary Series (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Kregel Publications, 2002), p. 192.
[2] Phillips, Ibid, p. 192.